Saturday, March 12, 2011

PTU Dog House

One of the great things about sports is the way that it can showcase man kinds' talents and physical capabilities that we had no idea existed. Professional athletes can amaze us with their ability to do what seems impossible.

Then there are these assholes.

The PTU dog house is reserved for the lowest of the lows, the players who make us want to throw up every time we see an old highlight of theirs, the ones who drove you to curse at television sets and question the sanity of coaches who continued to play them night after night despite how awful they were. And the ones who just plain sucked on NY's big stage.

We're not going to focus on the guys who came here at the tail end of their careers (Penny, Steve Francis, Pudge Rodriguez). They have an excuse for struggling. Those who gain entry to the PTU dog house are the players and coaches who we love to hate because they might have made it anywhere but they just couldn't make it here.

So, the inaugural member of the PTU dog house is none other than:

Pavano is a prime example of the athlete who can thrive in a small market but was terrible in New York. One of Steinbrenner's "If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em" acquisitions, following Carl's stellar performance against the Yanks in the '03 series (then an 18-8 season the next year) he signed a hefty $39.95 mil contract with the pinstripes. Big things were expected of Carl, but the dreams of his becoming an ace in NY were short-lived. Injury after injury shelved the righthander including the infamous Porsche crash in 06. If there weren't already enough reasons for New York sports fans to think of Carl as a free-loading bum, then injuring yourself while driving your Maxim model girlfriend in your Porsche sealed the deal.

It got so bad for Pavano, that even mild-mannered Mike Mussina called him out as a bad teammate and questioned his desire to be a Yankee. Joe Torre also spent a good deal of his controversial book basically calling Pavano a cancer in the locker room.

Eventually, Carl "15-day" Pavano found his way to the small market Twins and has since become what the Yankees hoped he could have been for them, winning 18 games and showing that he actually has good stuff. However, his utter awfulness in New York has landed him in the PTU dog house forever.

Carl, you suck.


  1. In his time with the Yanks, the douche had a total of 9 wins in 26 starts (1.54M/start, 4.43/win). I really hope he has a miserable season this year with his 8.5 mil over in Minnesota.

  2. If a teacher's salary can be linked to student performance (as all these teacher-bashers are proposing), why can't athlete's contracts be merit-based? Give a big-name pitcher something like 1.5 million per win, on top of a much smaller base salary (to protect them if they get injured). Assholes like Pavano would have no incentive to fake injuries and hang out with their super model wives, all while collecting a ton of cash from their team.

  3. Merit based contracts would only work if the entire league did it. If not, some desperate team would come out of pocket and offer a guaranteed paycheck making a player laugh at a pure incentive based contract.

    Incentives do exist in baseball though. Your boy A-Rod gets to make up to 300 mil by the end of this renegotiated absurd contract he has (which he renegotiated after opting out of his previously absurd contract)

  4. Ricky Williams had the most incentive-laden contact of all-time, didn't he? The contract Master P brokered. I wonder how he made out it in the long term... I'm assuming not so well since he wasn't that great his first couple years in the league.

  5. No brainer first pick for the doghouse. I nominate Eddy Curry next.

  6. Oh, Eddy's gonna get his. Him and Jared Jeffries.