Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Breaking News: Short White Guy Shoots over 100 Times

Last night a Division III guard by the name of Jack Taylor who plays for a school you've most likely never heard of made headlines by pouring in a ridiculous 138 points. Yes, that is a ridiculous number, but not as crazy as how he got to those points. He took 108 SHOTS!!! Let that sink in for a minute. The average NBA team as a whole shoots in the mid 80s for a game. That's a 48 minute nba game, as opposed to the standard 40 minute NCAA contest. The Mike D'antoni "7 seconds or less teams" wowed the NBA world by shooting over 100 shots a game. They played really fast, and were unconscious gunners. Can you even imagine one guy shooting that many times? All of the articles I've read say that Taylor had a rough shooting weekend so his coaches decided to give him the green light in order to, I guess, make him feel better about himself? Does he have some kind of terminal disease? Did his grandfather die at 108 years old yesterday? What kind of a sick world does Divison III hoops inhabit in which some clown can hoist up almost 3 shots a minute and not get beaten with soap in the locker room like he's Vincent D'Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket? Taylor also seems to be a delusional asshole judging by his post game comments (and I can imagine this was the first time Jack Taylor or anyone who has ever played for Grinell college has been approached for an interview so I suppose we can forgive him for trotting out the usual cliches but c'mon). ""There was a point during the second half where I hit a number of threes in a row -- maybe seven or eight -- I felt like anything I threw up was going in," Seriously, dude? You missed 56 times. You're accuracy last night was only slightly better than Mark Sanchez's completion percentage. You really felt like MJ in the 92 finals against the Blazers? I'm pretty sure anyone reading this could shoot 26 of 71 from 3 as well. This record is equivalent to Miguel Cabrera hitting 90 home runs this season, but he got 15 at bats a game. Adrian Peterson scored 20 TD's in one game, but the team never ran another play except running the ball, and instead of running clock they kept going for the end zone. I haven't seen many quotes from the opposing team but they couldn't have been happy with Grinnell and Taylor making a mockery of the game at their expense. When you're up by 70 maybe you can take the foot off the gas a little. He couldn't have stopped at 100? I've seen Kobe's 81 point game a few times. It seemed like Kobe shot the ball every time down court, after the game, Toronto players were criticized for not knocking him on his ass. Kobe shot 46 46 times. Taylor took 52 shots IN THE SECOND HALF. Much of the blame for this can go to the coach of Grinnell, a man who is essentially Mike D'Antoni on meth. He requires that the team shoot over 90 times a game, something that is pretty ridiculous in a 40 minute game.

Obviously, last night's debacle was designed to attract attention since one guy himself shot 108 times and it has just as obviously been successful (I just wrote two paragraphs about a Division 3 basketball game). . Detractors will brand people like me and other critics as cynical haters. "Why can't we be happy for the kid? It's not like he's some spoiled millionaire athletes padding his stats." But running up the score is poor sportsmanship in the pros, in D1, D2, D3 or D whatever. More than that though, it's just lame. Grinell has a history of attention seeking B.S. like this. It's ok to be happy for the kid, I guess, but let's not try to paint this kid as some kind of hero or superstar athlete. It's not a great athletic achievement, it's a side show.There's no joy in rigging a game in order to make a dumb record. By the way, another kid for the opposing team scored 70 points. He must be pissed.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Good Riddance, Mike Brown

The Mike Brown era is over, and while the future of the Lakers' super team is uncertain, one thing that is very certain is the Brown era will not be beloved in purple and gold history. From the beginning, it seemed like a bad idea, especially when you take into account the reports that Kobe wasn't consulted on the choice of the former Cavs' coach to fill Phil Jackson's gigantic Birkenstocks. Everyone knows at this point that Kobe is (to put it lightly) a tough guy to please, and not the easiest dude to get along with. Actually, he might be the toughest person in the world to get along with this side of Ann Coulter or 50 Cent. Nobody likes him, but coaches especially seem to have the types of relationships with him that people usually have with their proctologists. So since the Lakers are Kobe's team (and were even more so before last season) you probably want to run a couple resumes by him first before you go hiring anyone. Still, the Lakers ended up winning 50+ games, and getting a game off the eventual Western Conference champs in the playoffs under the Al Roker lookalike. This season, though, expectations are much different. After picking up a 2 time former MVP and some people's idea of the 2nd best player in the league, nothing short of a parade down Figueroa is acceptable. This isn't the job for a guy who rode the coat tails of LeBron to a coach of the year award. If a team that boasted that kind of star power played their home games in Newark, you'd need a high profile coach to lead them, never mind in Hollywood (not that a team in Newark could ever land those types of players, but you know what I mean). So today the inevitable happened, and the ax came down on the head coach, since you can't fire Antawn Jamison (although who wouldn't want to do that?). The Lakers have been bad by any standards thus far this season. Sure, you can talk about giving them time to gel, and repeat the fact that their big 4 have played about 5 quarters together this year, but the fact of the matter is the Lakers have won a grand, whopping total of 1 game since May. ONE GAME. That includes, regular season, preseason, postseason, pick up games in Metta World Peace's back yard, NBA 2k13 on Xbox, everything. This would be a slow start for the Bobcats, let a lone a team who some giddy analysts thought could win 70 games this season. Naysayers who point to the fact that Eric Spoelstra heard similar rumors of being fired a couple seasons ago before eventually turning things around should remember that this team doesn't have a couple seasons to turn things around. Bron, Wade and Bosh were and are still all in their 20s, while Nash and Kobe played their first games during the Clinton administration. This team was built to win now. And not with any goofy Princeton offense, and offense that was created so unathletic White political science majors could outsmart more athletic teams. Even if it was actually Kobe's idea to implement it, it has so far turned out to be a disaster and unsurprisingly so. Steve Nash is perhaps the greatest pick and roll point guard of all time, Pau Gasol is a gifted high post player, and Kobe is perhaps the greatest isolation scorer in history. Dwight Howard is a beast wherever he is on the court. Trying to force those guys into a gimmicky offense is insane. The NBA game isn't that complicated, you run a few pick and rolls, a few iso plays, toss in a couple other set plays and call it a night. The Princeton O worked in Sacramento because that team ran first and then used it as a secondary offense if the fast break didn't work, or the other team got back on defense. Also, the best Kings teams featured Vlade Divac and Chris Webber, two of the best passing big man in league history. Gasol and Dwight are decent passers (especially Gasol) but that's not their strong suits.

And the spotlight might burn bright in Miami but not as bright as it does in LA. As I mentioned earlier, a team like this needs a Riley, or Phil Jackson. Not Mike Brown. All signs point towards Mike D'Antoni coming in to pick up the pieces, much like he was intended to do after Isiah Thomas was finally relieved of his duties in New York. We know how that turned out, but at least for now, the situation seems to be a little different in LA. While Mike D. and Carmelo Anthony never got along, we know that Kobe respects him, even to the point of idolizing D'antoni as a youth growing up in Italy. D'Antoni (as hard as it is to believe) was like Jordan over there because of his smooth game and Italian last name. Kobe even chose to wear number 8 in honor of D'Antoni and whenever a D'antoni coached team would play the Lakers, they'd engage in some good natured Italian trash talk. And we already know about his history with Nash. This is far from a done deal, with Phil Jackson rumors flying, and everyone from Coach K to Jeff Van Gundy's name being thrown about. However the new coaching saga plays out here though, we can be sure of one thing. Firing Mike Brown was the right decision. It might seem like bad timing, but he never should have been hired in the first place.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

M@D's Bi-Weekly "What The hell is my team up to" Week 8


New England:
 The Pats are pulling away from everyone else in the AFC East expect this trend to continue.

New Jets:
Just Play Tebow more, see if he is truly the chosen one. But regardless they won't be making the playoffs

They play Houston this weekend, for some reason they will play them tough, but they will miss the playoffs as well.

Miami Dolphins:
Don't even know why they suit up on Sundays, mistakes keep going back all the way to the Marino days.

Baltimore Ravens:
They are playoff bound they either win the division or get the best wildcard spot.

Cincinnati Bengals:
Bengals keep being fun to watch, but they don't have a complete team to make any real news this year.
Pittsburgh Steelers:
Same info as the Ravens, They are playoff bound they either win the division or get the best wildcard spot.

Cleveland Browns:
Browns are my most improved team in the past few weeks, they play hard and are staying in games, Can't clown on them too much this week


Houston Texas:
6-1 the Ravens should have played them tougher but, they just beat them up. Super Bowl bound at this point.

Indianapolis Colts:
They should beat up the Fish this weekend, this team could sneak into the playoffs.

Jacksonville Jaguars & Tennessee Titans
 Two teams still not worthy of their own blip. Titans are worse in the NFL in net points with -95 and Jags are  3rd worst with -85

AFC West

San Diego Chargers
Don't like this team fool you please! Don't like this team fool you please! Don't like this team fool you please! Don't like this team fool you please! Don't like this team fool you please! Don't like this team fool you please!
This team will break your heart every time.(Not change from last entry) Please people Norv Turner is not a coach that knows what winning football is.

Denver Broncos
The Division is theirs for the taking, no one in their division should stop them. P Manning is playing like an MVP. At this point, depending how they play against PITT and Ravens in playoffs will depend on how far they go,

Oakland Raiders
Raiders won two in a row. This team is not playoff bound but they have more games against Kansas City and San Diego to get more wins.

Kansas City Chiefs:
1-6 record,  second worst with -89 Net points, time to start scouting college players.


San Francisco  49ers
Still my Pick to be in the Super Bowl, if they don't face the Giants. When this team is clicking you can't stop them. (No change from two weeks ago)

Arizona Cardinals
Win 4 in a row , lose 4 in a row, What was once a bright season , seems to be fading away quickly. They need to win 4 in a row if they want to win the second wild card.

Seattle Seahawks:
Same situation as the Cardinals, they need to win games in bunches if they plan on making the playoffs.

St. Louis Rams:
 Steven Jackson ,not being traded that sucks , but this should be his last season with St. Louis and possibility with an NFL team. He needs to show teams that he won't get old over night. 


Atlanta Falcons:
No one but the Falcons matter in the NFC south. 

Its all about the Chicago Bears and Packers no other team matter in the NFC North.


Its all about the Giants in this division , only other player that matters is RG3 , but lets see what the rest of the season brings. 

Its a great season. See you in two weeks.

Rock Me Like a Hurricane

I have to say this was bigger than I expected. In New York, it's become a semi-annual tradition to shit on weather men, and scoff at over dramatic media warnings as just typical media fear mongering. Hurricane? Yeah, whatever, I'm planning a barbecue at the exact time that you said we're going to have to evacuate our homes. Screw you, media! Usually, this type of attitude is rewarded by a dud of a storm, but this time it seems Sam Champion, Mr. G and your aunt were all right. This storm was freaking nuts. It's so bad that I've almost reached hurricane fatigue. There's only so many photos of submerged cars, fallen trees and long lines at places that don't normally have long lines that anyone can take. Of course, this being a fatal natural disaster there's no way you can say things like that without sounding like an insensitive clod. For people in Brooklyn, we haven't really had much to complain about. I, personally, only lost power for a few hours (even if it was in the middle of an episode of Homeland), and aside from a few downed trees here and there, my neighborhood escaped largely unscathed. This is not true of many, many other New York neighborhoods though. The majority of my post Sandy conversations with Manhattan and New Jersey residents have gone as follows:

Me: This storm is such a nightmare. I lost power for a couple hours the other night, and had to just go to bed since the tv didn't work. I missed the Lakers game! Then I had to take an express bus for 2 hours, and stood the whole way! My life sucks so hard right now.

Manhattan person: I slept next to a hobo last night. I still haven't found my husband, and I think this gash on my arm is infected.

Me: Gotta go.

With the little effects the storm had for some of us, it's easy to dismiss other people's bellyaching as more annoying complaining. Sometimes it is just that. People who refused to evacuate their homes when they were repeatedly told to, or those who chose to ignore commands to stock up on supplies have no right to whine about no one helping them. But as more and more stories come out of deaths, and the days go by for people without heat or power, it's important to remember that this shit was real. Now, with the lack of gasoline, and public transportation problems, alongside the eerie photos of a destroyed Jersey shore, this storm has taken on the characteristics of an apocalypse. Walking around the city, though, I've noticed people aren't as ornery as you'd expect. Most people are willing to help others, and are even going out of their way to in certain cases. The hurricane porn might be getting old for most of us (if I never see another photo of a tree on the ground it will be too soon) but it's a reminder that mother nature doesn't play, no matter how jaded we are in New York. Now I'm going to go complain about the Knicks game not being on tonight to someone.