Sunday, January 29, 2012

Are the Knicks the New Mets?

A couple of days ago, our own Hater J admitted that his favorite basketball team, the New York Knicks, are now basically the same as that other orange and blue team from New York, Snoot and M@d $cientist's beloved New York Mets. This sent me into a rage that only 5 or 6 glasses of expensive Scotch could snap me out of. Why would a comparison like this rub me the wrong way to that extent? Aren't the Knicks an insult to Dr. Naismith's creation and don't I spend 90% of my precious time on Earth complaining about how shitty they are? Of course. But are they on par with the Mets? Not even close.

In order to put this idea to rest, let's do a quick comparison of the two down on their luck franchises:


Both teams have had 2 championships, at least one other championship series, winning seasons and loads of horrible seasons. The Knicks, however, are one of the original NBA teams and the Mets were a fill in squad for the baseball team that abandoned New York. The Knicks are widely recognized as a flagship franchise of their sport (even though they've been a joke of a team for 10 years), while the Mets are widely ridiculed by everyone in the world.

Advantage: Knicks

Legendary Players

Madison Square Garden's upper level seats are a pretty lousy place to watch a basketball game, but as your mind drifts off to a happy place there's at least one pleasant diversion in the numerous jerseys hanging near the ceiling. The Knicks have retired the jerseys of some of the greatest who ever played such as Willis Reed, Clyde Frazier, Patrick Ewing, Dave Debusschere and Lee Nailon (just kidding). The Mets' legends are coke heads, Tom Seaver and Sam Champion's boyfriend.

Advantage: Knicks

Home Stadium

Even with the Knicks being perennial losers, and the overall mood of their home arena being similar to that of an angry town hall meeting rather than a premiere sporting event, Madison Square Garden is still one of the more prestigious sports venues in the world. While it might no longer live up to it's nickname of "The world's most famous arena",there's still something special about the Garden. The lighting is a little different than any other NBA arena besides Staples Center for Lakers game which adds to the drama, and despite the Knicks' woes opposing players still get up for playing there. Kobe and Jordan made MSG their number one arena for putting up huge ,historic nights simply because it was the "mecca" of basketball. Shea and now Citi Field ,on the other hand, inspire opposing players to do nothing but plan their nights out at Scores the evening before the game. Citi's a little less terrible, but Shea might have had the worst atmosphere in all of sports, from the constant airplanes flying overhead, the ugly orange seats and the crappy over priced food to that stupid God damned apple that pops out of that hat. Citi has upgraded the food but unfortunately the rest of what I just mentioned still remains.

Advantage: Knicks

Fan Base

The two teams fan bases possess a few of the same characteristics: an almost laughable loyalty, ability to routinely get punched in the gut yet come back for more, a sometimes ridiculously optimistic outlook before every season. There are some glaring differences between Knicks and Mets fans though. Go to a Knicks game and you are guaranteed to see three types of people: hot girls, rich people and celebrities. At a Mets game you are guaranteed to see none of those things. The Mets don't even have an iconic bleacher section to call their own like that section of die-hard Yankee fans at the stadium. They have a "picnic area". Lame. The Knicks routinely draw a number of A, B and C list celebs who probably know nothing about basketball along with the actual basketball fans like Spike Lee, Matthew Modine and Leon (ok forget I mentioned Leon). The Mets draw Jerry Seinfeld a few times a year and once a year Lady Gaga terrorizes people in the stands. Most importantly, the mindset of the Knicks and Mets fan (with the exception of the occasional overlapping Mets/Knicks fans) are drastically different. The Mets fan expects to lose, while the Knicks fan usually has the obnoxious ability to always see the bright side just like Yankees and Giants fans. Also, the Knicks are no one's little brother.

Advantage: Knicks

Recent History

We know both teams have histories as losers but this category may be the only one that the Mets have over the Knicks (just ask any Mets fan they'll no doubt tell you). The Knicks have been an embarrassment to the city ever since Patrick Ewing was traded while the Mets have had their ups this century (a world series appearance, a couple of stellar seasons) and downs (blowing seemingly insurmountable division leads, the Madoff scandals) but overall have been a much more successful franchise in the past 10 years, which isn't saying much in comparison to the Knicks but still it's something.

Advantage: Mets

Team Mascots

This one automatically goes to the Knicks since, well, they don't have a mascot (unless you count African American film directors) and the Mets have a guy with a big baseball head. The Knicks also have a dance troupe of super hot girls who come out about once a quarter to shake their asses to Chris Brown songs.

Advantage: Knicks

Front Office

Hoo boy, this is a tough one. It's kind of like comparing syphilis and chlamydia. The Wilpons were the victim of the most famous Ponzi schemer in history, and prior to that made numerous moves to run the franchise into the ground. Our own Snoot has shunned his beloved Mets until these assholes sell the team or die (in no particular order). Jimmy Dolan, on the other hand, not only makes unbelievably awful moves year after year (the list goes on and on) but also has the stench of a spoiled rich kid who was undeservedly gifted reign of the Cablevision empire - and the sports teams that go along with it - and has been rightfully blamed for the Knicks' downfall. Which putrid owner is worse though? What with the Mets mired in debt and Dolan's love affair with Isiah Thomas and his signature move now beginning to look like a mistake, I'll call this one a push. A very, very sad push for New York city.

Prospects for the Future

It looks pretty ugly for both teams looking into the near future. The Mets didn't bother giving their best player a solid offer and have been unloading many of their more promising pieces in a desperate move to get out from under the Madoff curse. The Knicks were looking like they were on an upswing until they started playing basketball games. Now, the Carmelo trade looks like it might have undid any good that was done in the first half of the Amare era. Still, with two superstar players the Knicks are in a slightly better place than the Mets are at this point (but not by very much).

Advantage: Knicks (barely)

As you can see, the Knicks - while undoubtedly a miserable excuse for a basketball franchise of late - dominate their orange and blue counterparts in most categories. The fact of the matter is, though, both fan bases have been like battered spouses for much of the past 50 years. Always promised change, only to be kicked in the stomach every year, but we keep coming back for more. Whichever franchise is shittier, we can all agree on one thing: our team sucks.

Friday, January 27, 2012

M@D Gamble

"I make the bets so you don't have." "Nor should you"

I hope to make this a weekly segment until I either run out of money or you guys tell me this segment sucks and I won't write about it any more. So the bet I made tonight was I took the Knicks plus ten and the over of 195. Basketball Expert Johnny Bagels thinks I am insane and I am better off just throwing money out the window, but I think the Knicks will play the Heat tough have a close game and just put up a lot of points in the process. So in order to win my wager I need

Knicks +10 &
Over 195
Happy Gambling to me, next week I bet on the Super Bowl MVP and I won't be picking a QB

Top 5 Worst Uniforms

It's not often that a topic can divide PTU...ok it happens all the God damn time. We disagree over the sky being blue. One thing that I thought would be something we all could agree on, however, was the unbelievably awful Grizzlies throwback uniforms that were unveiled last night in a nationally televised game against the Clippers (who actually wore some pretty nice throwbacks). Apparently there was a team by the name of the Memphis Tams (yes Tams) that must still have a large fan base who were clamoring for some love. Either way, stunningly, some of PTU disagreed with my assertion that this sickening combination made my eyes want to throw up. Where does this new atrocity land in the annals of crappy team uniforms?

5. Denver Nuggets (Rainbow Uniforms)

These uniforms made a bit of a comeback during the rappers wearing throwbacks craze of the early 2000's(of which I am admittedly a victim) but even if Fabolous might have rocked this jersey on 106 & Park it doesn't take away from the fact that these look like something Harvey Milk would have worn at a rally. Or the Situation.

4. Heat Black alternates

Somewhat of a controversial choice (I don't even think this is the ugliest Heat uniform) but I'll include it since one LeBron hating PTU member is so adamant about his hatred of this new alternate uni for the Hate I mean Heat. I'm usually a fan of all black team colors - it just looks more badass - but Hater J will point out that they look like they were made by FUBU or South Pole and were sold in the bargain bin at VIM in 1998. Either that or they were the away team on Hang Time. Of course, all these alternates are just excuses to get more scratch for the greedy team owners and no campaign writes itself better than "Back in Black".Black and Red is still a cooler combination though.

3. The Pirates (1970s Uniforms)

When designing a uniform there are a few basic rules to abide by: Use one solid color for the pants and top. Avoid horizontal lines (especially on the caps) and most of all, do not look like a gay bumble bee. At all costs, avoid the gay bumble bee look. The Pirates didn't listen. That didn't stop certain rappers from admiring that hat, but that is a truly ugly look. As a side note, that picture looks exactly like my father in the 70s.

2. Chicago Bears (1994 Throwbacks)

A lot of ugly things happened in 1994. John Starks's game 7, the OJ trial, Junior. But nothing compares to this disgrace of a uniform that Da Bears trotted out. This is Beetlejuice from Howard Stern type ugly right here. Movin' on....

1. Memphis Grizzlies Tams unis

All those other uniforms were kinda ugly, but HOLY CHRIST. Tim Tebow saw these and they caused him to doubt the existence of God. I'd rather stare at a spinal tap being performed while eating barbecue ribs than watch a quarter of the Grizzlies play in these uniforms. The jerseys aren't really all that bad (they kind've look like the old Slick Watts Sonics uniforms) but combined with the snot green shorts, it's a combination that is truly gag inducing. Personally, I would have rather seen the Big Country Reeves era throwbacks but I'm sure the Grizzlies are trying to forget that they ever played in Vancouver as much as I'm trying to forget I ever saw last night's Aquaman meets the Washington Generals meets a bucket of phlegm throwbacks. Fun fact about the Tams uniform (Tam stands for Tennessee Alabama Memphis): their owner also owned the Oakland A's, hence the green and yellow color combination. Hopefully, these uniforms will be retired along with the rest of the affronts to humanity on this list.

Sunday, January 22, 2012



Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Is It Time To Panic?

I usually reserve judgment on a team until at least a third of the season has passed, and in this shortened NBA season that time frame should probably be adjusted a bit what with the lack of practice time and an adequate preseason. Except the Knicks look like garbage. And not just any garbage that can be easily cleaned up or taken out to the curb on a Monday night. No, hot, stinky, wet garbage that sits in the middle of one of those old ladies houses on Hoarders. I'm usually optimistic in that obnoxious way that only a Yankee fan can be (and I give Mets fans like Snoot and M@d $cientist a hard time about their intrinsic sad sack rooting style) but after witnessing nearly a month of Knicks 2012 basketball I can say with confidence that they are not a good team. A certain lack of timing is expected with barely any practices after an extended offseason, but even keeping that in mind, there are serious flaws with this team. We all knew letting Chauncey Billups angrily take off for Lob City would be a downgrade at point guard, but did anyone think Toney Douglas would be THIS BAD? Toney's a solid back up guard that can bring the ball up (I hesitate to call him a point guard) but as a starter, he makes me yearn for the glory days of Howard Eisley and Moochie Norris. When he's not hitting his 3 (as he has not been doing with remarkable consistency since he got yanked from the starting lineup) or little tear drop, he's absolutely useless as a person. Iman Shumpert has been a pleasant surprise with his defense and hustle, but we can't expect a rookie to run the point, especially one that goes 5 for 20 from the floor and doesn't seem to know how to throw a pass. It's gotten to the point that Knicks fans have resorted to holding out hope for a savior in Baron Davis. The often injured, usually overweight guy who has been known to quit on a team or two. Still, he'd be an upgrade (the white chick from Hang Time would be at this point) and would at least be able to run a simple pick and roll.

Besides the tragic point guard situation, there are other pot holes on the way to that victory parade that idiots envisioned when the Knicks signed the over rated Tyson Chandler. Surprisingly, defense isn't the biggest problem on a Mike D'Antoni coached team. Sure, they mostly suck on defense, switching on every opposing team's pick and roll resulting in horrible mismatches and allowing mediocre players like Ryan Anderson to look like Reggie Miller, but Chandler and Shumpert have been very good defenders and the team's been able to show flashes of holding teams down. The problem is the offense. It's been beyond terrible. Mike's basic set seems to be give the ball to Carmelo, let him hold it for 15 seconds and then either throw it up towards the hoop or pass to some other guy who has no idea what to do on a basketball court. Where's the movement and dynamic shooting that was a staple of the offensive genius's best teams? Sadly, I don't see anything changing until D'Antoni and his moustacheless brother are out on 33rd St. wondering what went wrong and if they can get tickets to see Jersey Boys.

Is it time to panic? Yes. This is a team that is flawed in very important areas for a basketball team (mainly point guard, bench and the ability to shoot a basketball) that probably won't be easily fixed even with time and practice. The best hope the beleaguered Knicks fan base has right now is that Baron Davis comes back to at least play what resembles a point guard (something they don't have right now) and the team's ice cold shooting picks up a little. Or else, it's going to be a long 4 months at the Garden.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Generation Gap Beef

I love rap beef (no homo). I used to dedicate a post a week to classic rap battles until I realized that no one else who reads PTU could care less, but the past few years have seen a steady decline in legitimately interesting beef. This is especially true in comparison to the golden age of ignorant diss tracks that was the early part of this century. 50 cent was the human equivalent of an Internet troll, basically starting shit with whoever he wanted for a number of perceived or imaginary slights. It made for a good time and rap beef had developed into a sub genre itself, the "Street Wars" mixtapes were best sellers at your local African bootlegger. Then, times changed, people got tired of 50 and his fuckery, and less aggressive and violent rap took over. Swag was more important than street cred, and no one personified this shift in tastes better than former child actor turned emo rapper, Drake. Taking Kanye West's lead as the "you don't have to be hard to be a rapper" artist of the day, Drake has influenced a new generation of skinny jean wearing halfway gay rappers who care more about their style than their rap sheet in the hood. This isn't entirely a bad thing. Parents of inner city kids should be happy that their kids are emulating a half Jewish Canadian who names his singles after Leonardo Dicaprio movies (and not the gangster ones) rather than former crack dealers but it's also created a generation gap between the traditional hip hop fan and artist and the new school of pretty boys. One guy who's been particularly ornery is Common.

We all know Common as the actor/rapper (and he's been more of the former than latter in recent years) who performs poetry at the White House and promotes veganism and other not-at-all-thuggish activities. But apparently Drizzy's singing was too much for even a conscious thinking bohemian such as himself, and he decided to send some veiled shots at Young Money's second biggest artist on his track, "Sweet". Now he's totally gone off the deep end, naming names in his new remix of Rick Ross and Drake's "Stay Scheming" that was released this week. What's he so mad about exactly? There's a couple theories floating around that Serena Williams' big ass is in the middle of this, but the real problem here seems to be the mere existence of Drake infuriating Common. Com's been the type to start a ruckus just because other rappers music made him mad, and it seems like that's what happened again. When he did it with Ice Cube and the Westside Connection, it was a ballsy move, but also made him look like a snobby underground hiphop head hating on gangster rap, which was the dominant sound at the time. Now, in a similar fashion, Common looks like an out of touch old grandpa who's mad that the young kids are winning. This is not unprecedented in hip hop, KRS One vs Nelly and Ice T vs. Soulja Boy were unfortunate cases of old rapper shaking his fist from his porch. But it's not like Common ever represented some type of hardcore murder music and Drake is taking food off his plate by introducing a new mellow homo thug sound to the kiddies. Common is just an old dude who looks like a hater. Problem is we're all kind of haters, Lord knows us at PTU are. We just don't have the outlet Common does to spread our hate of the new soft rapper. There's no winning this battle for the guy formerly known as Common Sense. He can't help but come off as a bitter old man, lashing out at the new stars. Even if Drake is as soft as baby shit, Common can't win by just saying that. He can't win at all. Take it like a man, Grandpa. The Hoe ass niggas have taken over.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Hater J's AFC Picks

Earlier, I gave all of my NFC picks. I picked the Packers to win the whole thing, and if they don’t represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, some other superior NFC will beat the winner of this lot of AFC squads. Here are the AFC picks.

Texans -3.5

The Texans don’t have a great Quarterback, but that doesn’t matter. The Ravens didn’t need Joe Flacco last week, they just needed to run well and play some defense, two things the Texans do well. I had a short stint on the Andy Dalton bandwagon, but the more I watch him play, the more he looks just average. That isn’t a bad thing for a rookie QB, and I still prefer him to a guy like Mark Sanchez, but that’s not someone I want to put any money on, especially on the road.

Super Bowl Odds:

Bengals (70/1) – Why would you bet them, even at that long price? Do you think they can win here, then at New England, then at Pittsburg/Baltimore? I didn’t think so.

Texans (35/1) – If there was a chance Schaub were coming back, I would consider them. They have two 1000 yard runners, play good defense and have one of the best receivers in football with Andre Johnson. But when a very average and very injured back up QB is your starter and Jake Delhomme is the alternative, it’s wise to stay away.

Steelers -8.0

I hate Tebow. I can’t cheer for this garbage football he plays and I’m happy to see the rest of the league seems to have caught up to this garbage. Its annoying to see this clown complete two passes for 40 yards, get on his knees, then praise his “Lord and Savior” for helping him pull a game any half decent QB would win by 10 or more points, out of his asshole.

Big Ben isn’t the poster child for morality, but he epitomizes the “Big Game Player” . He’s playing hurt and without his starting running back, but he’ll find a few scores and that annoying virgin home. I know the 8 points seem large but with the way the Broncos have played, the Steelers only need to score 13 points to cover it.

Super Bowl Odds:
Steelers (10/1) – I know that they’re hurt, but at 10/1 odds, you have to like the very well coached team, with experience at every position. Assuming Houston holds serve, they go to New England, then Baltimore/Houston. By no stretch are any of those games easy, but they’re all very winnable with the Patriots not being able to stop anyone and the Ravens not inspiring any good thoughts in my mind.

Denver (60/1) – Don’t do it.

The BYE Weeks

Patriots (3/1) – They had a wide receiver in their secondary this year. That’s all you need to know about that defense. They’ve also fallen behind by double digits before scoring their first TD the past two weeks. This is a very flawed 1 Seed. They also have to play their games at home, in the elements, that may take that explosive offense out of the equation. As the meeting in Denver showed us all, Tom Brady is really the blessed QB. After beating up on the fraud, Tim Tebow, he went home to his Super Bowl rings, hot wife, and millions of dollars. In an even more perfect world for Tom Tom, the lowly Bengals will come into Foxboro next week, followed by a battered Steelers/Ravens team. That isn’t going to happen and a road to the Super Bowl where you have to beat the Steelers and Ravens in consecutive weeks, in the elements, and without a defense is a bit tough for me to only get 3/1 odds.

Ravens (6/1) – They should be able to beat Houston, they’ve owned the Steelers, and they pummeled the Pats in Foxboro a few years back. The Ravens are a good team, but I cannot put any faith in Joe Flacco. All season, I saw him rely on a “pass interference offense” where he chucks it up to Torrey Smith, hopes for a flag, and then hands it off/dumps it off to Ray Rice. If I can’t trust the QB to do anything, how can I pick him to win the whole thing?

Hater J's NFC Picks

Like any other major American sport, the NFL playoffs provide men of all ages an excuse to yell at each other, drink tons of beer with our buddies while completely ignoring our significant others , act like we know something after four months of participating in Pick ‘Em Pools and Fantasy Leagues, and of course gamble. With that, here go my picks, thoughts, and probable wagers for this weekend, and an open invitation for Bottle to take his Tom Brady man love to new heights, M@d to make a weird reverse jinx pick, and Mr. D/Snoot/Bagels to figure out a different way we can all lose some money.

I’ll start with the NFC Picks.

Giants (- 3)
This team wouldn’t surprise anyone if they won the whole thing or lost on Sunday. Giants fans have seen them beat Brady, in Foxboro, on a 4th Quarter comeback. However, we have also seen them lose to Rex Grossman…twice.
They’re finally getting healthy, Eli is Manning is playing at the highest level of his career (that includes the Super Bowl run), the run game seems to have found balance, and with the emergence of Victor Cruz, people seem to have forgotten that Hakeem Nicks is a threat to go for six receptions and 100 yards on any given Sunday. The Giants secondary leaves a bunch to be desired, but as they showed this past Sunday, their front four is finally healthy and very capable of getting pressure. The Falcons have deep threats in White and Jones, but Matt Ryan tends to hold the ball for a bit (primed for a sack or three), has struggled on the road throughout his career, and doesn’t look so pretty in the playoffs either.
All of that said, the Giants can still lose this game in an all too familiar fashion. Giants fans across the world can envision a team that comes out flat, allows a 60 yard TD to Jones/White, have a quiet stadium, making a fluky play to get back in it, only to lose and break our hearts again.

Super Bowl Odds:
Atlanta (40/1) - I can’t see the Falcons beating the Packers/49ers/Saints/AFC that plays in the Super Bowl.
Giants (20/1) – They can play with any of the AFC teams. Their road to the Super Bowl would be Atlanta, at Green Bay (or San Fran, should the Saints lose to the Lions), then at San Fran (or at home against the Lions, should they make it that far). Those all sound like winnable games to me. Not that they’d be favored to win those, but all winnable.

Lions (+10.5)
Two dome teams built for speed and offense. None of them can stop anyone. The Saints are the better coached of the two (Sean Payton vs Jim Schwartz is a no contest) but the Lions have nothing to lose and the Saints have all the expectations in the world.

These two teams played to the tune of a 31-17 New Orleans win in a game that opened with the Saints up 17-0. Detroit is very good and accustomed to scoring late. I don’t expect them to win, but they should be able to compete. At the very least this Detroit team is good for some garbage time TD’s to make this close and get you your cover.

Super Bowl Odds:
Lions (50/1) – This young team does not play defense and is very raw. They may be able to be capable of winning a sloppy shoot out, but I can’t see them going very far.

Saints (9/2) – They’ve become a popular pick. Those odds suck for the risk you’re taking though. They have NEVER won a road playoff game. They would have to go out west after this track meet to play a 49ers team that can slow the game with their run/short passing game, and make things tough with their front seven. Then they would have to Green Bay (or host New York) where either team can give them a headache. Through the season, the Saints have only played 5 outdoor games with a loss to Green Bay and Tampa, and narrow wins over Jacksonville, Carolina, and Tennessee. That’s scary…

The BYE Weeks

Packers (8/5) – Pretty crap odds for a team with a banged up front line, a pretty ugly defense, and no real run game to speak of. I still like the Packers to win the whole thing. Having one of the largest home field advantages in all of sports along with the best QB in football with a number of weapons at his disposal will help mask their flaws, but there is no value in betting on them.

49ers (12/1) – They play great defense, they run the ball well, Alex Smith had only 5 picks in their ball control offense, they’re well coached, they have a bye, and they have a home game. What I don’t like about this team is that they’ll be playing against an offense (Green Bay/New Orleans/New York) that can score points and they may get behind by 7-10 points early. I don’t know that Smith can be trusted to bring a team back from that.

Does the Bye week determine who the next Super Bowl Champion is?

In 1990, the NFL introduced a bye week to the schedule. Each team played sixteen regular season games over seventeen (eighteen in 1993 and 2001) weeks. During the season, on a rotating basis, each team would have the weekend off. As a result, opening weekend was moved up to Labor Day weekend. (The league had an odd number of teams (31) from 1999 to 2001. During that period, at least one team had to be given a bye on any given week.)
Since the 2002 season, the league has scheduled a nationally televised regular season kickoff game on the Thursday night after Labor Day, prior to the first Sunday of NFL games to kick off the season. The first one, featuring the San Francisco 49ers and the New York Giants, was held on September 5, 2002 .Since 2004, the NFL has indicated that the opening game will normally be hosted by the defending Super Bowl champions as the official start of their title defense. Thus, under this scheduling system, the earliest the regular season could begin is September 4, as it was in the 2008 season, due to the 1st falling on a Monday, while the latest possible is September 10, as it was in the 2009 season, due to the 1st falling on a Tuesday.

But I have always wondered if it matter when your bye week was. Does an early bye week give you the opportunity to right the ship early or is a late bye week an advantage since a team has played a majority of their schedule and now can take a well deserved rest?
Here is a look at the teams that played in the super bowl since 2002 and when their bye week fell.





























































The remaining teams in the Playoffs are
Cincinnati Bye week 7
Houston Bye week 11
Pittsburgh Bye week 11
Denver Bye Week 6
New England Bye week 7
Baltimore Bye Week 5

Detroit Bye Week 9
New Orleans Bye Week 11
Atlanta Bye Week 8
New York Giants Bye Week 7
San Francisco Bye Week 7
Green Bay Bye Week 8

The trend is as follows

2002 Late

2003 Late

2004 Early

2005 Early

2006 Early

2007 Early

2008 Early

2009 Early

2010 Late

Avg Bye week of AFC Team 6.5

Avg Bye week of NFC Team 7.1

So based on the favorites and the avg bye week of the teams that play each other in the super bowl. I predict the super bowl will be San Francisco vs New England.

I thank you all of you that stayed awake for this.

Go Giants!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Where's Blacky?

If you're a long time PTU reader, firstly, let me say thank you and see you guys next month at Mom's house right? And secondly, you're probably wondering one thing: WHERE THE HELL IS BLACKY? If you're a recent PTU convert, then you're probably wondering one thing: WHO THE HELL IS BLACKY? If you go to the "older posts" tab, you'll notice that there was a person (we assume) named Blacky who once posted here, and very frequently commented on other posts. His posts were sometimes controversial, often times funny, and always carrying the distinct Blacky style. So where the hell is this mythical Blacky?

My research has turned up a couple different theories as to our NBA hating lost contributor's whereabouts. Some say he has shunned all manner of modern communication and is now hiking the Tibetan mountains like Brad Pitt in that one movie, Fight Club. Others say he converted to Islam during a short prison stint and is now known as Hakeem El Abdullah. Most likely, he just has better things to do with his time. Wherever he is, we wish Blacky well and hope that he comes back to his home at PTU one day. If you've seen Blacky, contact us here and tell him he is missed. God speed, my friend.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Oops: A Late PTU Year In Review

Oops. We missed New Years but here's the half assed Year in Review I meant to post last week.

You might have noticed that most blogs have been trotting out their end of year best of lists, and this blog is no different. As we count down towards the end of 2011 and a possible armageddon it's time for some instant nostalgia. Time is moving ever faster, and with this accelarated pace comes an increased fondness for the past. And if there's one thing we love, it's nostalgia. What were some of the biggest stories this year? And what was just some crap that caught my eye or ear? Let's break it down in some Larry King or Mike Lupicaesque bullet points

  • The Knicks were finally a decent team again with 2010's signing of Amare Stoudemire. But this year was all about the will he or won't he escapades of one Carmelo Anthony (aptly named Melodrama by the media). Despite Bottle's worries, things turned out pretty OK for the Knicks. The addition of Tyson Chandler has given them one of the NBA's best front lines and has inspired legions of bandwagon fans in New York to proclaim "the Knicks are back". We'll see how far their awful backcourt can carry them (even with their new Chinese egghead) but it's refreshing to have a half way good team at the Garden. High Point: Acquiring Carmelo Anthony Low Point: Being swept by Boston in two lifeless games at the Garden.

  • TEBOW MANIA took over! Love him, hate him or pretend to be indifferent (you know you felt some sort of way about him) Tim Tebow dominated NFL coverage for about 7 weeks in 2011. I'm as sick of hearing about him as you are so I'll leave it at that.

  • The Year 2011 will be known for many things such as Tebowing (see above) and it's even more annoying predecessor Planking. I think this might have started at the end of last year but it definitely reached the height of obnoxiousness in '11.

  • A quick list of my top 3 albums this year (in no particular order)

    Jay-z and Kanye West- Watch The Throne
    Action Bronson- Dr Lecter
    The Kills- Blood Pressures

that's it for music this year

Top tv shows

Breaking Bad

Boardwalk Empire

Open Court on NBA TV

  • The Yankees were pretty good through most of the season, and eventually ran away with the AL East thanks to a mammoth collapse by the Sox, but their pitching was always a nagging concern. Despite being favored over Verlander and the Tigers they fell in a limp fifth game thanks to a shitty performance from rookie Ivan Nova and a no show by batters with RISP. Also, Jeter got his 3000th hit on a home run caught by some idiot who hates money. High Point: DJ3k Low Point: Losing game 5 at home.

  • The Packers were a surprising dominant team all year round and even made some scratch for Bagels and Hater J last Super Bowl. Green and Yellow Green and Yellow....

  • The Jets talked a big game and sometimes backed it up but mostly sucked. High Point: Making the AFC championship game last season. Low Point: Almost everything else.

  • The Giants didn't talk quite as much but sucked for much of the year as well, even though they've provided PTU with some of the most exciting games of the year. High point of the year: Eli orchestrating the come back in Dallas 2 weeks ago. Low Point: Desean Jackson's return.

  • Jay-z is finally going to be a father. I'm skeptical that it's not a surrogate since I think Hov may be sterile. C'mon, almost 20 years in the rap game and not one baby mama?


  • Bin Laden, Khodafi and Kim Jong Il all kicked the bucket this year. I don't have a joke about this, but that's pretty impressive.

  • People seem pretty tired of Obama, but the republican candidates run the gamut from stupid to Ron Paul. Even with a win for "Obamacare" and the murder of two malevolent dictators on his watch, Barack took an L this year.

  • Floyd Mayweather continued his buffoonery this year. He spent 2011 avoiding the most anticipated fight that will never happen, sucker punching a nice Mexican, and eventually landing in jail for doing a Jake LaMotta imitation on his girlfriend ("did you fuck my brother??'). All in all, Floyd may have been the jackass of 2011.

  • It wasn't a stellar year for the PTU teams but a couple of PTU's most hated teams lost in miserable fashion in 2011. The Red Sox had one of the more memorable collapses in history and Hater J's most hated team The Miami Heat lost in the finals with PTU whipping boy LeBron James choking in every 4th quarter. It was glorious


  • A rat was found in the Marcy projects that was the size of a small child

  • The NBA lockout resulted in almost 2 months of missed games, and has now forced a condensed season of sloppy basketball on us. Still, any NBA is better than watching hockey.

  • The release of the Jordan XI concords caused rioting and bloodshed throughout the country.

  • Steve Jobs passed away and people wept openly in the streets for weeks. The iphone is really cool, but c'mon now, people.

  • Occupy Wall Street movements swept the nation and protest was never so annoying.

Kim Kardashian was married to mediocre basketball player Kris Humphries for 72 days. He may or may not be gay, but he is somehow now the most hated player in the league. And he still plays for the Nets. Shitty year for that guy.

Some other things happened but that's already old news. This is all that happened last year that really mattered.

Hope everyone enjoyed their new years and have a happy and prosperous 2012. We'll continue to crank out the type of posts you love a few days too late.