Friday, January 27, 2012
Top 5 Worst Uniforms
It's not often that a topic can divide PTU...ok it happens all the God damn time. We disagree over the sky being blue. One thing that I thought would be something we all could agree on, however, was the unbelievably awful Grizzlies throwback uniforms that were unveiled last night in a nationally televised game against the Clippers (who actually wore some pretty nice throwbacks). Apparently there was a team by the name of the Memphis Tams (yes Tams) that must still have a large fan base who were clamoring for some love. Either way, stunningly, some of PTU disagreed with my assertion that this sickening combination made my eyes want to throw up. Where does this new atrocity land in the annals of crappy team uniforms?
5. Denver Nuggets (Rainbow Uniforms)
These uniforms made a bit of a comeback during the rappers wearing throwbacks craze of the early 2000's(of which I am admittedly a victim) but even if Fabolous might have rocked this jersey on 106 & Park it doesn't take away from the fact that these look like something Harvey Milk would have worn at a rally. Or the Situation.
4. Heat Black alternates
Somewhat of a controversial choice (I don't even think this is the ugliest Heat uniform) but I'll include it since one LeBron hating PTU member is so adamant about his hatred of this new alternate uni for the Hate I mean Heat. I'm usually a fan of all black team colors - it just looks more badass - but Hater J will point out that they look like they were made by FUBU or South Pole and were sold in the bargain bin at VIM in 1998. Either that or they were the away team on Hang Time. Of course, all these alternates are just excuses to get more scratch for the greedy team owners and no campaign writes itself better than "Back in Black".Black and Red is still a cooler combination though.
3. The Pirates (1970s Uniforms)
When designing a uniform there are a few basic rules to abide by: Use one solid color for the pants and top. Avoid horizontal lines (especially on the caps) and most of all, do not look like a gay bumble bee. At all costs, avoid the gay bumble bee look. The Pirates didn't listen. That didn't stop certain rappers from admiring that hat, but that is a truly ugly look. As a side note, that picture looks exactly like my father in the 70s.
2. Chicago Bears (1994 Throwbacks)
A lot of ugly things happened in 1994. John Starks's game 7, the OJ trial, Junior. But nothing compares to this disgrace of a uniform that Da Bears trotted out. This is Beetlejuice from Howard Stern type ugly right here. Movin' on....
1. Memphis Grizzlies Tams unis
All those other uniforms were kinda ugly, but HOLY CHRIST. Tim Tebow saw these and they caused him to doubt the existence of God. I'd rather stare at a spinal tap being performed while eating barbecue ribs than watch a quarter of the Grizzlies play in these uniforms. The jerseys aren't really all that bad (they kind've look like the old Slick Watts Sonics uniforms) but combined with the snot green shorts, it's a combination that is truly gag inducing. Personally, I would have rather seen the Big Country Reeves era throwbacks but I'm sure the Grizzlies are trying to forget that they ever played in Vancouver as much as I'm trying to forget I ever saw last night's Aquaman meets the Washington Generals meets a bucket of phlegm throwbacks. Fun fact about the Tams uniform (Tam stands for Tennessee Alabama Memphis): their owner also owned the Oakland A's, hence the green and yellow color combination. Hopefully, these uniforms will be retired along with the rest of the affronts to humanity on this list.