Thursday, July 18, 2013

Top 5 Half White Half Hispanics

Unless you've been either living under a rock or using this blog as your only source of current events, you know there was a pretty big and pretty controversial trial recently. Trayvon Martin's killer, George Zimmerman walked off Scott free this past Saturday. A free man, able to play cops and robbers with real bullets wherever he very well pleases for the rest of his life, which won't be very long if you ask Victor Cruz. I'm not going to break down the specifics of this case, or what it means in the grand scheme of things or says about RACE IN AMERICA, or whatever. You've made up your mind already about what you think of the verdict and it's actually a very complex situation. Trayvon wasn't an angelic child whose joy for life was only exceeded by his love for Skittles and he wasn't a gang banging ne'er do well who if he wasn't casing GZ's gated community for open windows to jump in and wreak havoc he would have eventually like some believe. He also wasn't him. Zimmerman isn't history's greatest monster either. That's her. One thing is absolute though: George Zimmerman is half White and half Hispanic just like some of our writers here at PTU. And also just like these folks:

5) Tony Romo

While I originally thought Mark Sanchez was half White, it turns out that he's not at all. He's all Mexican. But Dallas Cowboys quarterback is indeed only half of a Mexican. He might try and hide his Latino side by only dating blond White girls and rarely if ever driving a car service, but it's there. Mexicans and White people can argue over which side is the one that tosses all those interceptions and chokes in the playoffs.

4) Bottle
Who's Bottle? Well, he's many things to many people. A doting father, cheating husband, master sandwich maker and prolific writer of nearly none of your favorite articles on PTU. He does it all. He's also half Dominican.

3) Juan Epstein
There's no rules to this shit. I can include a fictional character in this list if I want, and it's impossible to make a goofy list of part Hispanic people without including Buchanan High's resident Jewish and Puerto Rican class clown. He's also the inspiration for Hot 97's morning show title featuring Jewish hip hop head Peter Rosenberg and Rican former Funk master Flex lackey Cipha Sounds. Not as funny a mixed race combination as Tony Soprano's nickname for Meadow's half black half Jewish boyfriend "Jamal Ginsberg" but a worthy addition to this list.

2) Charlie Sheen
If we had made this list two years ago he would have been number one in a landslide. It seems like a century ago that this dude hijacked pop culture for about a month. It was a lot like Linsanity in that way, except instead of a mild mannered Christian Chinese point guard that captured the nation's attention it was an aging actor addicted to hookers and blow. Off the strength of Major League and Hot Shots alone he deserves placement on here, and we'll try and forget about 2 and a Half Men and Anger Management.

1) Jessica Alba
Look at her, she has to be number one on any list.