Everybody Hurts

There has certainly been a lot of commotion over Eric Spoelstra's claims that Heat players were crying after their most recent bed shitting, with the majority of public opinion being that those fools need to man up. I couldn't agree more in this instance. Although I think there is a place and time for a grown man to shed tears, an early March NBA game is neither of those for anyone involved. So when is it reasonable for an adult man to cry a little without looking like a total Adam Morrison?

In my opinion a tear or two (maybe even an all out weep) is totally justified if :

• You are at a funeral for one of your parents or an infant (if that's Aunt Sue in the casket, get a grip, dude)
• You play for a team that just won or lost a championship or (in some cases) playoff game. (Kobe and Fisher crying on the bench as the Spurs ruined their chances for a fourpeat gets a pass, or any player you see crying during a March Madness win/loss)
• You've been kicked repeatedly in the groin
• You've discovered the cure for cancer
• You're the Speaker of the House of the U.S. House of Representatives

Under no circumstances should any man be seen crying if:

• You're watching any film or play of some kind (even Brian's Song)(one edit: If you are a holocaust survivor and you're watching Schindler's List or you fought in World War 2 and Saving Private Ryan is on. If either of those are true, feel free to weep openly any time actually)
• A woman breaks up with you (or vice versa)
• You're still on the court as your team is losing a NCAA tournament game. Not a good look, Adam
• An injury not involving a severed limb or groin area

and finally

• Your team just lost a 4th straight NBA regular season game. Save the tears for the playoff losses.