Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The PTU Guide to Movies About Boston

Are you an aspiring screenwriter with sizable gambling debts and/or a massive cocaine addiction? Do you need to strike movie gold fast? Do you also have a fascination with working class white people with accents? Follow these easy steps to critical and financial cinematic success:
  • Dreary, mostly Irish neighborhood either in South Boston or a similarly bleak New England town
  • Handsome, tough on the outside yet hiding an either intellectual or good-hearted (maybe both) side, leading man
  • Tough as nails friend/brother who may or may not have an addiction, but definitely has a criminal history
  • Random big haired skanks who the leading man used to date or has always wanted to sleep with
  • Professional woman who works in either the medical field or some other "snooty" job who reluctantly falls for the leading man, but can see through his tough guy image to his heart of gold
  • Scene in a shitty bar with lots of old guys and townies drinking Jameson that leads to a fight
  • Either an Affleck brother, Matt Damon or Mark Wahlberg (if you can't afford one of these guys, pick a random scrappy white person who can attempt a New England accent)
  • People wearing Red Sox (or other Boston sports teams) paraphernalia
  • Former neighborhood tough who now works for law enforcement
  • Flogging Molly or Dropkick Murphys on the soundtrack
  • Leather Jackets

Follow these simple steps, and you too can be the next critical darling of Hollywood. If you are able to land one of the big 3 (Affleck, Damon, Wahlberg) you might as well get fitted for your tux.

Good luck, cack sawker!


  1. Hey asshole, come meet me at the tavern so we can talk this over.

  2. I jerk off to The Town every night. Wicked tough!

  3. You forgot to add a view of Fenway or discussion about a Sawks game.