Wednesday, April 20, 2011
PTU Dog House: Jared Jeffries
I think today is as good a day as ever to re-post this:
A long, long time ago Dr. James Naismith nailed two peach baskets up about 10 feet from the floor and created the game of basket ball which would eventually evolve over the years into the sport we all know and love so much. About 90 years later, Jared Jeffries (seen above making his trademark face) was born and Dr. Naismith has been rolling over in his grave ever since, as a talentless waste of life would pervert his creation for years to come.
Jared is to basketball what Malaria is to Africa. When Jared shoots the ball, statues of the virgin Mary cry tears of blood. Jared has the game of an autistic dwarf and the looks of a gay giraffe with Down Syndrome. To call him a bum is offensive to homeless people.
To make matters even worse, coaches inexplicably love this poor excuse for an athlete. He's always said to be a great locker room guy, which I assume means he's really good at picking up towels and jockstraps since he surely is not anyone's idea of a good basketball player. Now in his second go-round ruining the Knicks, JJ has proven that he has not picked up a single skill in his 9 year reign of terror called an NBA career, besides standing in front of more talented athletes to draw charges and generally looking like a cross between Swizz Beatz and mushmouth. How he ever won Mr. Basketball as an Indiana high-schooler is beyond me, unless it was meant to be sarcastic. Averaging 1 point and 3 rebounds per game as a Knick this season, the perpetually slack-jawed Jeffries is well on his way to another kick in the groin of a season.
UPDATE: Jared nearly had the game of his life last night, somehow converting 5 field goals and the go-ahead basket in the final minute. Then he remembered he was Jared Jeffries and promptly fumbled the ball to Kevin Garnett ending the Knicks' chances for a miracle win in Boston. The world is in shock today at the unholy evil that is Jared Jeffries.
We might as well name the PTU Dog House after Jared Jeffries. Just take a look at the video evidence below.
Jared, go to hell.