Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Fountain Day Will Not Be Televised

As reported earlier on Pardon the Unemployment, Fountain Day was tragically cancelled as a result of the few bad (kegs and) eggs (parties). Chris Schewe, a forty-one year old student at UAlbany and veteran of the Persian Gulf War, had previously tried to persuade University at Albany to allow the annual celebration to go forward. Unfortunately, his three day protrest was cut short by University Police, who demanded he vacate the premises after a profanity laced tirade in front of children. In response, Schewe drank hot candle wax, after leaving the premises. To see Schewe eat three tampons, glue, and silly puddy, check out his youtube channel.

Without a champion, there seemed to be no hope for reviving Fountain Day. It seemed like the fountain would remain dry come April 10, but it appears a new contender has taken up the mantle of Savior of Fountain Day and begun a blitzkrieg of publicity to revive the time honored tradition. Armed with a stencil and purple spray paint, our mysterious hero stenciled his message of justice onto at least columns on the academic podium. The anonymous crusader's message was simply "Did you know? 99 percent of UAlbany students were NOT part of the Kegs N'Eggs riot but were punished for it." The message conveys the obvious injustice of punishing the whole school community for the actions of a drunken few.

University officials acted quickly to suppress the message of this injustice, calling crews of maintenance people to scrub the pillars of purple paint promptly. The response in the student community was general supportive of the message, but many disagreed with tactic of painting the message on the podium columns. One overly enthusiastic supporter shouted, "Let's f### some whores!" Spoken like a gentleman and a scholar. The Albany Bureau of Pardon the Unemployment will continue to monitor the situation and bring you breaking news updates as this story develops.


  1. For some reason when I went to Albany the house across the street was firebombed by locals and due to a frat prank another house burned down, but they never cancelled fountain day. It's getting really draconian up there with these rules, what kind of party school do they expect Albany to be with stuff like this happening.

  2. Check out the hyperlink to Chris Schewe's Youtube page.

  3. Does he really do that stuff? I'll check it out when I get home.