Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Heterosexual Man's Case for Gay Marriage - Gay Weddings

Despite the popularity of Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, and Glee, gay marriage remains a hotly contested issue in this country. Why American enjoy gay things so much, and continue to oppose gay marriage is beyond me. As the California Supreme Court and Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals continue to grapple with the constitutionality of Proposition Eight, hope springs anew for gay marriage in New York. In recent closed door meetings, Governor Andrew Cuomo has reportedly promised to use his own political popularity and prestige to push for the legalization of gay marriage in New York; putting his own ass on the line for the LBGT community. Whether this potential gambit of Cuomo's succeeds or ends with him sitting on a foam doughnut remains to be seen.




Now, many reasonable arguments have been advanced in support of gay marriage, and few, if any, have been offered against. At times, an economic argument has been offered in support of extending the institution to same-sex couples. Basically, the argument is that states that legalize gay marriage will receive the economic benefit off gay marriages being held within the state. Typically, to be married in a state, at least one of the grooms or brides, must be a resident in the state for at least several months. New York could see a population boom as a result of legalizing gay marriage. This argument is particularly compelling when one considers recent Census data, which shows New York's population is not growing at the pace of other the most populace states. As a result, New York stands to lose several seats in Congress.


As compelling as this argument is, I believe that gay weddings offer the most compelling reason for New Yorkers to get behind gay marriage. Now, everyone knows that weddings are one of the best places to get some. Everybody drinks a lot and has hotel room, plus they're dying to get out of whatever uncomfortable outfit they're in. You can try to hook up with someone you've know for years or someone you just met. The booze, the dancing, the whole thing is just geared to making hook-ups happen. Hey, they made a whole movie about guys trying to get laid at weddings, so it must be true.


Now, gay dudes know lots of straight girls. And you know a straight girl that's hanging with gay dudes probably doesn't have a boyfriend. Imagine what a gay wedding would be like for a straight dude. It would be like a being a fat kid at a buffet. You wouldn't know where to begin. You'd just stare there, plate in hand, with a massive food boner. And you know what gay dudes don't have a lot of? Straight guy friends. So, less competition for the lucky few. Gay weddings could be the first dates of future heterosexual marriages. Additional benefits of gay weddings include better music selections and choreographed dance sequences.

12 comments:

  1. This is interesting how did you come to this realization? Where did you do your research?

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  2. Blackie, will you marry me?

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  3. Anonymous,

    Which realization? Weddings. Did yo uknow there is a thing called a period? It's used to end sentence like "This is interesting."


    Gay Guy,

    No, but please invite me to your wedding.

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  4. Perhaps my grammar needs work. But you should work on your typing.

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  5. Mean Gene OkerlundApril 6, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    Ready, set, fight!

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  6. What does everyone really think about this strategy for finding women....seems like it might work unless they assume all the men at the wedding are gay.

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  7. Snoot, you had no right to drink Blacky's cranberry juice.

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  8. You should not say such things!!!

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  9. You're right Blacky. I'm sorry.

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  10. That was the best cranberry juice I ever had, it was worth the consequences.

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  11. Now back to the gay weddings topic...

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