Thursday, April 14, 2011

Best Year In History?

Kris Humphries, formerly known as the Jared Jeffries of the New Jersey Nets, has pulled off the greatest miracle of all-time outside of Bethlehem. Considered a candidate for Most Improved Player of the Year, his stats have gone up noticeably (10/10 with 53% shooting), while his team has doubled their win total from last year (12 to 24), signed an all-star free agent (Deron Williams), and will be moving to their brand new, shiny stadium in Brooklyn come 2012.

Yet, more importantly, somehow Kris has had enough focus to improve his game while picking up arguably the hottest chick in the world. As discussed among PTU members, getting new tang often has negative effects on athletic performance. Athletes such as Tiger Woods and Andre Agassi, among others, have seen their professional careers crumble the more involved they got in their sexy time. Kris, somehow, has been able to avoid this pitfall.

Inevitably, Kris will drop the ball like hes done committing thousands of turnovers, and Kim will move on to some other famous black guy. She's already planning to move in with him, and soon enough she'll start showing her crazy side, his stats will go down, and Kim will end up in the arms of some other man who will ask her: "seriously, you were sleeping with THAT guy?".

But, although Kris may not be the best player in basketball, for now he is the MVP of life. For a couple months in 2011, we all could say that we wish we were Kris Humphries.


  1. I think he's in a contract year, too. If some stupid team give him a huge contract, you know he sold his soul to the devil.

  2. He's in a contract year, that's why he's playing so well.

  3. So it's the money, not the tang?

  4. She was with Ray J. I'm pretty sure Bush, Austin, and most other dudes she's been with have said "seriously, you were sleeping with THAT guy?".