Monday, May 23, 2011

Life In Ruin by Motown Marxist

A lot of physicists wonder what it would be like to travel through a black hole. There are many theories out there based on some good math that ultimately lead to some larger philosophical discussions. Yet no definitive description exists to explain the phenomena that occur in such dark and weird places in The Universe. One wonders if man could ever unravel such mysteries.

Many introspective questions are posed to try and wrap one's head around such a conundrum.
Questions like: What is it like to live in Detroit?
Words cannot completely describe the experience, but I'll try my best to explain.

Despite what the Karate Kid Remake starring Jayden Smith (The Bane of my existence) will make you think, Detroit has no White people. Furthermore, Detroit isn't even populated with Oreos.

Study the picture below. It's an artist representation of what a black hole would look like, if made visible.

The photo representation of a black hole is much like Detroit - it's the essence of ruin.
1. Destruction is most intense towards the center.
2. "Whiteness" is most concentrated just beyond the Event Horizon
3. The surrounding areas withhold a lot of natural beauty.

It looks like more of a warzone than Afghanistan circa 1979.

(Quick! Which one is Detroit?)

Well... kind of the same, but you get my point. Check out this captured footage of my pleasant stroll through the park.

The 1 policeman there REALLY made me feel safe amid the hundreds of drug dealers making sales in plain sight. Which brings me to my next point: Police.

The Police Force is racked with corruption and suffers from limited manpower.
It's so bad that the current Mayor of Detroit is giving serious consideration to combining the Police and Fire Departments. That's like wearing 100 lbs on equipment on a daily basis.


= A lot of Stuff

The only solution for such calamity is the reinstatement of Robocop.
For those of you who aren't familar:
Robocop = Robot + Cop = The ultimate form of law enforcement.

Hell, he could even help enforce the newly passed law that bans smoking in bars!

So a lot of people joke around with me that:
"You're the only person to move TO Detroit in the past ten years."
I don't have much to say to that. That's because I really think it's true.
As Hometown Hero Eminem once rapped, "There's a lot of truth in Jest."

Sorry... I couldn't help myself. Eminem songs are played here more on a per minute basis than Lady Gaga says something that sounds like something else I've already heard from some other 90's Pop Culture Icon from a Detroit Suburb (uh-huh-Madonna).

They even air songs that never get a proper single release. For all I know, they just play his albums on shuffle. That is, all radio stations except those random Country Music Stations that explicit state in their Radio Broadcast Stamps: "All The Music YOU LOVE, MINUS the Crappy Rap."
:::Begin Terribull song that talks about eating beans and loving The Jesus :::
Oh, Detroit! You just crack me up!

Detroit might not have much going for it at the moment for being a top U.S. City, and even though years of being the Mecca of the American Auto-Manufacturing Industry has created a gray overcast on the city comparable to that of Beijing, at least there are some pretty good places nearby to visit like Toronto, Chicago and the Great Lakes (we used to have sports teams to help but an average Tigers team isn't really cutting it).

P.S. Detroit, please consider changing you nickname from Dah D to something that sounds a little less like the slang word for a pile of feces.


  1. After reading this post I want to visit Detroit

  2. I live in Detroit. M@d, you can come stay with me ;]