Thursday, September 29, 2011
Dr Dre Is A Scum Bag
And now if you would allow me to rant for a second, I have something I need to get off my chest: Dr. Dre is the most over rated dirtbag scam artist in the music business. Yeah, I loved a lot of his music, dating all the way back to the NWA days, then to the G-funk era of The Chronic and Doggystyle to his dominance of the late 90s and early 2000s with The Chronic 2001 and the stuff with Eminem and 50 cent. But Andre's biggest financial success has also been the single biggest scam of the 21st century: the Beats by Dre headphones.
These flimsy piece of shit headphones have basically taken over the market, just take a look around you next time you're on the subway or at the gym. How every high school age kid and welfare recipient in New York can afford 300 dollar headphones is a question for the ages, but they make it happen. And it's not just the hood. If you're a reclusive hermit type just turn on ESPN and see all the athletes from LeBron to Kobe to the last guy on the Red Bulls' bench (they're a soccer team) walking to and from the team bus with the distinctive red B sticking out of their ears. Guess what? They've all been fooled! Bamboozled and hoodwinked! I, too, had the wool pulled over my eyes. Dre promised me that you couldn't really listen to music without a pair of his headphones so I had to see what all the hype was about. I expected to hear things I'd never heard before. Every note, drum snare and lyric sounding like the whisper of a thousand heavenly angels; music as God had intended. 2 weeks and 170 dollars later I had one working headphone and one blown out left headphone. And those were the least expensive ones in the whole line! Thankfully I spent another 20 dollars on insurance-since that's what you do when making an investment such as this- so I could trade the faulty joints in for another pair. Less than 4 months later these pieces of junk popped again. So I'm saying farewell to Beats by Dre. You've tormented me long enough, Andre. And let's be honest, every beat Dre's made since 2003 has sounded EXACTLY THE SAME. He's been riding those two albums for a 20 year career and somehow he's still looked at as some type of musical God even though a Jewish coke head was responsible for the majority of his instrumental "genius". He got lucky with Eminem (and really how much musical insight do you need to figure out that a ridiculously talented blond guy would be popular?) but most people forget the other 20 or so signings by Aftermath. For every 50 cent and Eminem there's 4 or 5 Joe Beasts and Bishop Lamonts. Those are actual names of rappers (look it up). And if the recent Ronnie from Jersey Shore like pictures and the couple of leaks off the mythical Detox are any indication, Dre's been spending his time sticking steroid needles in his ass instead of crafting classic hip hop records.
So, Dre, you had a nice 10 or 15 year run as a very good producer. You no longer wear glitter and makeup or pretend to be a gang banger, but I hate you and your cheap headphones that you've fooled the world into spending their hard earned money on. And guess what? The 40 dollar Sony headphones I bought today as a quick placeholder between my next purchase sound better than your overpriced garbage. Bose, here I come. Eat a dick, Dre.