Friday, June 3, 2011

Bottom 5: Worst PTU Posts Ever

It's been a wild 4 months all right. Before PTU existed, Bin Laden was still alive to terrorize the Western world, the Lakers were champions of basketball and Charlie Sheen was a relatively normal sitcom actor. Is it mere coincidence that things have changed so much since we came along? Of course, but that's just the type of hilarious content that has kept thousands of disappointed readers coming back for more day after day to not comment. As you can tell by our most popular posts, we here at PTU (that's a typical PTU contributor pictured above hard at work on another classic) stay on the cutting edge of sports, movies and lists about sports and movies. The only thing missing is a self-referential list about ourselves. There might even be a list about a list. It hasn't all been Pulitzer worthy material though. What were the very worst posts that we couldn't wait to spread all over the Internet?

5)Perpmelo Finally Does Something by Bottle

What's not to hate about his truly awful post? The oddly sized picture that has nothing to do with the content (Pauly D is the epitome of perp?) and looks like it was photoshopped by a Special Ed 8 year old? How about the use of NOT! which went out of style with Wayne's World? It all adds up to a very unpleasant post that even the Situation would find tasteless.

4) With First Pick the Carolina Panthers select by M@d $cientist

Why don't we let draft expert Jay Bilas analyze this post: "I tell you, Stu, I haven't seen a post this weak since Eric Montross. Let's start with the missing "the" in the title. That's not pro level talent right there, guys. That game changer and castle thing really went over my head. Uh, back to you, Stu".

3) A-Rod: The Yankee I Dislike The Most by Blacky

The War and Peace of awful PTU posts. If you can get past the first 3 or 4 paragraphs detailing the merits of everyone who has ever played for or against the Yankees, then you finally get to the titular "Yankee who we dislike the most". The payoff for suffering through all that rambling? Insightful commentary on why the author is like the millions of other people who don't like number 13 for the Bombers? An in-depth breakdown of one of the most famous athletes in the world's faults? Nah, he just chews gum weird and we don't really like him. Not sure why. Thanks a lot.

2)PTU End of The World Bucket List by Johnny Bagels

We at PTU are nothing if not topical, and what's bigger news than the end of the world? A bucket list seems like a great idea right? A WALK IN THE PARK AND A MUSEUM? Even Harold Camping thought Bagels was full of shit after this bucket of crap list. Unfortunately, this post is neither funny nor informative. It's just lame. Either a misguided attempt at humor or Bagels is really that much of a boring dick. You decide. Ugh.

1)Dog Eats Diabetic Man's Toes by Snoot

This was relatively early in our run and we were still trying to work the kinks out. At this point, I think we were still attempting to be a leading news source and what better way to keep the masses informed than with a story about a dog biting a man's foot. The best thing you can say about this pathetic post is it's short. Whew.

Honorable mentions:
Going Gaga by Motown Marxist: If a Lady Gaga post isn't gay enough, then the pleas for the gay community, questionable photo of a shirtless Milli Vanilli, and Rupaul references put it over the top.
Beef Songs by Johnny Bagels: Despite the popularity of the 50 and Game picture, no one likes these. Rappers have agreed to settle their differences quietly if Bagels quits writing these pointless posts.
The Singing Cowboy is an Asshole by Mr. D: what an edgy, original target, what's next? No one can understand the subway announcements?
Citizen Kane Review by Hater J: What more intelligent analysis can be said about Orson Welles masterpiece? Apparently none.

Keep coming back for more disappointment, folks! We're not done yet setting the blog world back 20 years, one lame post at a time. This post is sure to make the bottom 5 next time.


  1. My post about yamming the girl from American Idol didn't make the Bottom 5? Damn, that's a bad sign.

  2. Can we stop publishing lists for a week?

  3. PTU's #1 FANJune 3, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    Bottom 5: Worst PTU Comments Ever

    #1 - "Can we stop publishing lists for a week?"

  4. Come on guys, I told you not to use that picture of me smoking in front of the computer!

  5. I think this was the end of lists. Once you do a list about yourself I think it's run it's course for a while.

    That's me in that pic actually. I've really gotta hit the gym.

  6. @Blacky - Should we do a riveting post about someone we hate because of the way he chews gum instead?

  7. PTU's #1 FAN, the list posts suck. They're the worst thing that appears on this blog (waiting for some retort about how it's actually my posts). And they're have been a ton of them lately. So, they get increasingly more specific. What's next Top Five Comedies Featuring Cross-Dressing? Or Best Women's Sports Movies? They feature better fundamentals and team play. Or Best None Rocky and Rambo Stallone Movies?

    It's gotten re-fucking-goddamn-dick-culous with the lists. So, a break would be nice.

  8. @fake Hater J, I don't hate A-Rod because of the way he chews gum. I hate him because he's a fucking narcissistic uncharismatic douchebag.

  9. that non rocky and Rambo post sounds like a good idea. I agree, the lists have gotten out of hand because they're really easy to do and they're usually popular. I'm all for taking a break from lists for a little while, though. Let's not have any fighting in the Comments section though, please.

    Peacemaker Bagels.

  10. PTU's #1 FANJune 3, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    The lists posts are all that I live for. Please don't take them away from me!!!

  11. LOL I was joking guys. MAN DO I LOVE LISTS!

  12. I take this shit way too seriously, I know it's all in good fun guys.