Friday, June 10, 2011
PTU EXCLUSIVE: LeBron James Interview
We're all pretty excited around here. In only our 4th month in existence and with not one press credential among us, we were able to score an exclusive post game interview with the most polarizing figure in sports after yet another late game meltdown.
PTU: LeBron, thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us for a couple minutes. I know the media's been pretty harsh towards you lately.
LeBron: Thanks for having me, I love reading you guys, especially Bottle. He cracks me up and has supported me since day one.
PTU: Yeah, he's great. Now down to brass tacks. So, LeBron, what is it exactly that has been holding you back during the big moments in the Finals? You seemed to have everything going for you just a few weeks ago. Me and Bottle had already said you were now the closer and King. What gives?
LeBron: Well, uh, this is kind of hard to say...My vagina has been bothering me.
PTU: I'm sorry, I thought you said your vagina. Your what was bothering you? Shoulder?
LeBron: My vagina.
LeBron: yes, my vagina. I've kept it a secret for a while. Even adopted a couple of kids to cover it up but I have a vagina. A big, sloppy, sometimes irritable vagina.
PTU: Well, this is big news.
LeBron: I wanted to break it here first. Plus, Oprah just retired so...
PTU: Thanks, LeBron. So, let's get down to business. Do you wear a jock strap?
LeBron: i have a specially made vagina strap.
PTU: Interesting. Do you have any issues with the menstrual cycle? Is this a normally functioning vagina?
LeBron: It's as normal as any other. To be honest, I've had a pretty heavy flow lately. I can't believe I'm telling you guys this.
PTU: it's ok, we're known for getting transgenders through tough times.
LeBron: No homo though.
PTU: Of course. Now, have you had any issues with yeast infections?
LeBron: All the time. In fact, remember when I bricked that 3 last night in the last 2 minutes?
PTU: Yeast infection?
LeBron: Bingo. It can be really irritating. Throws off my jump shot. Not making any excuses or anything though. I feel like I'm a two way player. I think I can help my team defensively even when my shot's not really falling. That and I have extraordinarily large female genitalia.
PTU: Do you sit down to use the bathroom?
LeBron: Well, I have a functioning vagina so yes.
PTU: Right, of course. How has having this vagina affected your relationship with team mates?
LeBron: Well, at first I think it took some of the guys by surprise, but now I think they've learned to embrace my vagina.
PTU: Well, this has truly been eye-opening, LeBron, and we want to thank you for shedding some light on a topic that is all too often ignored: professional athletes who have lady parts.
LeBron: Hey, what can I say? I got a huge pussy.
PTU: Love to talk more but I know you're busy. Thanks, and good luck in game 6, Bron.
LeBron: Appreciate it, man.