Monday, June 20, 2011

The Neighborhood Bar: We Love to Hate You

There's a bar in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn that is PTU's favorite bar. Maybe I won't go as far as saying it's our favorite, but most of us are there more than any other place in the world save for our own apartments (and even that is close).

It's nobody's favorite bar, I don't think, but somehow we end up there at least 3 times a week (work and family schedules allowing). It's not that the food is great (it's mediocre) or the crowd is so great (it's pretty terrible), but we can't resist parking our asses down on one of the stools or benches yet again and ask ourselves "Why are we here?". Not in a philosophical or existensial way, but literally why are we sitting in this bar again? It's New York City, there must be tons of bars that have the combination of vibrant crowd, delicious food and top notch beer selection that this bar lacks. I'm always hearing from other people who have more exciting lives than I do, about these magical bars that exist outside of the 3 block radius surrounding my apartment and The Slob Den. These supposed bars that the others go to serve an assortment of food that isn't named after streets in Bay Ridge and there are sometimes women at these establishments. These people take photos (most likely doctored. Technology these days) smiling alongside their reveling friends, drinks in hand, and carefree looks across their faces. No one has smiled in this bar in nearly 5 years (and that grinning clown was quickly shown the door). The people at these other bars dance to cool music supplied by hip, coke addicted d.j.'s. The soundtrack to this bar is a collective under breath murmur about the negative effects of legalized gay marriage and shrinking police pensions only slightly drowned out by Bruce Springsteen's greatest hits and Cee-Lo's "Fuck You" (that song gets played everywhere). Sometimes there's live music sung by a 42 year old drifter who sings Pearl Jam in a perfect Eddie Vedder voice and the Beatles in a perfect Eddie Vedder voice when he's not insulting the chinese man selling bootleg copies of X-Men First Class. The smiling people enjoy the finest cuisine at these other bars. Cutting edge fusion type stuff; sushi sliders or cotton candy ice cream sandwiches. The neighborhood bar serves burgers named after the surrounding streets and Calamari that tastes like rubber. Those other bars have every beer you could imagine on tap, as well as hundreds of others you never knew existed. This bar has a beer of the month that's 50 cents cheaper than the usual price and is usually something you never heard of, but after drinking it, wish you hadn't.

Yes, this bar has nothing that you'd want out of your local drinking establishment. It's across the street though (it's name rhymes with Jello Crook). Come by any day this week or next and say hello to PTU. We'll be there.


  1. What are you talking about, they have purple haze. What more do you want?