Wednesday, August 17, 2011
In this time of political strife, wide-spread financial turmoil and cataclysmic global change, it's important that we here at PTU stay on top of the beating pulse of what's current and topical. So, of course I'm going to return from a week long hiatus with what's on everyone's mind:
A list of the best uncles of all time!
Being an uncle is awesome. Whether you're a real uncle to one of your brother or sister's kids or your just such a close family friend you become an unofficial uncle, or you're just some creepy guy who hangs out at the mall with silly bands for all your "nieces and nephews", being an uncle is so much better than being an actual parent. You get the satisfaction of being a parent without all that messy responsibility and upbringing stuff. Just show up every other weekend with a new Xbox game and you're the coolest uncle of all time. Who made the definitive PTU lis of the top uncles of all time? If you think we've run out of ideas for worthy blog posts, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Uncle Leo (see above)
Jerry's annoying uncle who always seemed to turn up at the wrong time was the classic nebbishy old Jew who provided Seinfeld with grief whenever he came on screen. Sadly, the actor who played Leo died a few years ago.
Tony's uncle Corrado was probably my favorite character on The Sopranos for the first 3 seasons, he had that great old timey gangster dialogue (My nephew is a cunt hair away from being the boss of all of New Jersey and I am that cunt hair) that was delivered perfectly by veteran actor and New Yorker Dominic Chianese (Johnny Ola from Godfather 2, and he looked old back then). Unfortunately, his character eventually became a demented old bat, shuffling around in his slippers and generally being a sad, old man before eventually shooting Tony during one particularly demented episode. Realistic, I suppose, but a waste of a great character and uncle.
The late John Candy is another in the long line of overweight comedians who met an untimely death. While not as universally revered as John Belushi or even Chris Farley, the big guy had his fair share of classics. This might not be one of them, but I still laugh at the comment that my friend's brother once made during the GIANT PANCAKE eating sequence : "This wasn't even part of the script. They just filmed Candy eating breakfast". Looking back at that movie poster, and Jesus Christ that is scary! That looks like the original version of Funny Games. What's in that suitcase, Buck? Macaulay Culkin was in this movie too, just a year before he conquered the world with Home Alone.
Uncle Ralph McDaniels
Tri State area hip hop heads will remember Ralph McDaniels (better known as Uncle Ralph) as the host of late night (and sometimes afternoon) cable-access staple Video Music Box. Back when videos actually meant something to people, and not everyone had cable tv, (you could get it on channel 25 without cable), the Music Box was the go to place for the latest in rap videos, grainy live performances at the Tunnel and interviews with your favorite (and not so favorite) rappity rap rappers. Uncle Ralph has put it down on Hot 97 and various other NY radio stations for years as well. Middle finger to 106 and Park.
Hater J's Uncle Frank (photo not available)
You guys out there probably don't know him, but you probably wish you did. This guy is awesome. Although he's well past 40 (maybe 50) he still comes out to any big or not so big occasion and kicks it with the youngins. Beer pong, funnels, car bombs: you name it, and Uncle Frank will kick your ass in it. He also has a pool at his house and eats little blog reading punks like you for breakfast. That and fiber rich corn muffins. Salute!
If you like violent, misogynistic, police hating, godless rap (and who doesn't?), then OH HENRY, do we have the guy for you. Devoid of any redeeming value or social commentary, Brooklyn rapper Uncle Murda is about as self explanatory as that name. He raps about murder (as you can see by the tag line to that mixtape up there: Head shots for everyone!). You know how every family has that one uncle, who's kind of strange and maybe drinks too much Bud Lights at Christmas time and he likes to murder people who snitch to the police on him and run trains on project bitches? Yeah, he's like that guy. He's since changed his name to the slightly more marketable Uncle M but he'll always be Murda in our hearts.
Back before Will Smith was a Scientology leaning, Oscar winning, child exploiting douche bag he was a rapper turned actor. For much of the 90s you could see Will in all sorts of wacky colors and classic perp shoes as Will Smith, delinquent nephew to big, bougie Phillip Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. After his mom got scared after one little fight (kind of an overreaction if you ask me) Will went to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air where he lived with hot valley girl Hillary, also hot Tatyana Ali, and another Uncle, uncle Tom, Carlton and his Polo sweaters. Uncle Phil was the man though, he might have moved out the hood with Aunt Viv but he was still gangsta, just ask DJ Jazzy Jeff, who was tossed out of the mansion almost every episode. Apparently, the actor who played the big judge is gay and confined to a wheelchair now.
Honorable mentions to those goofy uncles on Full House (Uncle Joey was such a dick), Uncle Fester and Peter Parker's Uncle Ben, who had to die in order for us to have Spiderman to enjoy.
I was gone for a while but I'm back, so stay tuned for more hard hitting and informative posts like this one.