Monday, July 25, 2011

Snootfest 2011 Recap: Wife Beaters and Meatballs

This past Saturday was another glorious day in PTU history: the second annual Snootfest cookout. Last year's Snootfest was epic in it's own way, and it was a Herculean task to try to outdo it, but Snoot and his cronies were up to the task. Despite a crippling daytime temperature of about 110 degrees in the shade, there was an expectant tension in the air for what was to come: Would Hater J and Blacky peacefully coexist? Would M@d $cientist do his famed Pitbull dance? Would Johnny Bagels run out of cigarettes? To say there was excitement in the air would be an understatement.

The day began innocently enough; a couple rounds of that classic Italian old man sport, Bocci ball. Team Asia (Mr. D and Bagels) used their mathematical brains to compensate for their extreme race disadvantage enough to put up a good fight, but in the end, home field advantage and the promise of grilled sausage pushed the contest into the Italian host with the magic kaboose's favor. This led to the excitement of the Puerto Rican's arrival (naturally 2 hours after everyone else got there) and Hater J's magic punch was soon dished out in one of Mrs. Snoot's oversized punch bowls. A mixture of E&J, orange juice, Rum, apples and bravery that appears sweet at first but will eventually knock you over on your blancito ass (like most Puerto Rican women). Before long, dinner was served, and it was what you expect to eat at the typical suburban barbecue on a record setting scorching hot summer day: baked ziti, sausage and peppers and home-made meatballs. Mange!

After stuffing our sun beaten faces with the best that Palermo has to offer, it was time to relive our college years the best way we know how, epic flip cup and beer pong matches ensued until we all forgot how old we were (and some of us may have forgotten our first names). At this point, there was more wife beaters to be seen than in a divorce court, and the Hennessy and Jameson was flowing.By the time the first spades hand was dealt and Wu-Tang was blasting from the tinny speakers of Snoot's ihome, you would think it was a welcome home party for convicts released from San Quentin, if it wasn't for the keg of Yueng Ling that was still filling the plastic red cups.

As the night wound down, it culminated as these parties always do: an EPIC 20 person flip cup match. Mr. D showed his hall of fame talent, landing 15 straight first try flips, as DJ Bagels kept the hits coming. It was another classic PTU evening, one that will only be surpassed by next year's promised Slip n Slide and Bose speakers. You've been warned, Bellmore.


  1. Next year, i'll need glow sticks, and I incorporate the back flip to the dance.

  2. I was planning to comment but that was a remarkably accurate transcript. Unfortunately it was too hot for the sliding under the stairs this year.