Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Lamest Sneakers of All Time: Team Jordan

Michael Jordan was virtually flawless on the court. He could do things no one else could athletically, and his list of clutch shots would make even Reggie Miller seem pedestrian. Off the court, his sneakers are a world-wide phenomenon, each release an event in of itself, and the rereleases ensure people will be wearing Air Jordans for generations to come. However, off the court, the guy has possibly the worst eye for talent in NBA history and his Team Jordan brand of sneakers reflects this. As for the shoes, you know the ones I'm talking about: the awkward arab kids in gym class would wear them, and you can usually find them sold 2 for 50 dollars at the local D & D's. As cool and trendsetting as Air Jordans have been, an immediate sign that the wearer has a sense of what's cool (or at least is a Puerto Rican from Sunset Park), the Team Jordans immediately say about their owner: "I'm 45 years old and am trying to get back in shape so my wife will sleep with me" or "I shop at D&D's for my sneakers".

Besides being really lame sneakers, the team assembled by Michael to represent Team Jordan are as accurate an example of his keen eye for talent as his Wizards and Bobcats draft picks have been. While he got lucky with stud athletes like Dwyane Wade, Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony, the other members of the team were more of the Kwame Brown draft pick variety. The past and present teams have included such future legends of the hardwood as: Ron Mercer, Derek Anderson, Bobby Simmons, Q Richardson and (lest we forget) JARED JEFFRIES. The inclusion of that asshole and PTU favorite is enough reason to never let Michael near a draft of any kind, in fact that might mean it's time to take his car keys away like your grandfather. Jordan couldn't pick an afro. He's got an eye for talent, but it's more like Peter Falk's right eye (RIP). If Michael were to order for the table at Red Lobster, he'd probably ask for no biscuits (try to wrap your head around that). The guys not good at making choices.

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