Monday, July 11, 2011

Rock n Jock Free Throw Jam Recap

We learned some new things about ourselves and were reminded of some awful things we tried to forget on Saturday. The first game pitted Johnny Bagels, Mr. D and a wannabe Landry Fields slam dunk champion pussy(who came up empty on approximately 257 dunk attempts)against a chubby 14 year old boy, a less chubby 15 year old boy and a 50 year old Chinese jump shooter who defected from Macao to escape the Communists to engage in 3 point contests for bowls of rice. Team PTU plus one raced off to a 13-2 lead on a mixture of awkward lay ups, jump shots and a combined 4 feet of height advantage only to see the opposing team storm back using a Dallas Mavericks like comeback of their own to take the lead. At this point, team PTU had to go to their formidable bench to relieve the woefully out of shape cigarette smoker Bagels before he pulled a Hank Gathers in the middle of Fort Hamilton High School's upstairs courts. With the injection of life provided by the athletic Bottle, team PTU held on for the win on a dramatic put back similar to Ewing's game 7 vs the Pacers in '94 (minus the awkward hug of that goofy white guy in the front row).

Game 2 saw an all PTU lineup of Bagels, Mr. D and Bottle matched up with tall wanna be dunker pussy, the Asian Dell Curry, and a 40 year old man with a hot handball playing wife/sister (?). As expected, Bagels checked out 7 minutes in, replaced by the hustling other guy from Slob Den, who is pictured above. Using the hustle of other guy, and some good PTU teamwork, we held on for a dramatic victory as Bagels and M@d $cientist watched from the bench and made comments only funny to them.

The free throw shooting contest was less eventful but more appropriate for the out of shape Bagels. Despite the encouragement and heckling of M@d, the final numbers broke down as such (you can figure out the percentages yourself):

Bagels: 27 out of 50
Other guy: 26
Mr. D: 24
Bottle: 22
M@d $cientist: 13

So, we learned that we all shoot free throws about as well as Shaq on our best days and about as well as a baby seal hitting the ball off his nose towards the hoop on our worst days.

From there, we ate copious amounts of Chinese food for 10 dollars, but much to the dissapointment of Bagels (and I'm sure Snoot), there was no Sweet and Sour chicken, just chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce on the side. Fail. The lo mein and ice cream was good though, and the atmosphere was appropriately retarded.

Stay tuned for the rematch coming soon.


  1. It's sad I couldn't witness the trash talking Mr. D shoot free throws more like Ben Wallace than the Reggie Miller he claimed to be.

  2. I had thunder sticks, which caused a few PTU members to brick free throws.