Let's just get out of the way right from the top here the fact that awards shows are inherently ridiculous. They're a big waste of time and amount to not much more than a collective jerk off by whatever industry is being celebrated. But last night was a slow TV night (first post football Sunday, the Knicks were off and I don't watch The Walking Dead) so I watched the majority of Sunday night's Grammys. And it was as stupid and occasionally entertaining as I thought it would be. What did we learn?
- Bruce Springsteen's new single was exactly what you expect from the "Boss" (sorry Rick Ross). Last night was the first time I heard it but the lyrics seemed to mostly be the same stuff he always talks about. Americans, hard working working class people, flags, diners, trucks (I didn't pay attention too much). I still get a kick out of seeing Silvio Dante rocking out up there though.
- Rihanna looked like the hottest Tina Turner impersonator in history, and did a song with the always annoying Chris Martin who then did the one Coldplay song I like in what looked like the booth from Big Tigga's basement. Chris Brown performed a couple times and the dude can dance and all that crap but he's still a prick. Nobody hits my girl Ri-Ri. I lose faith in the human race when I read that girls are still into him. I would lick the bottoms of her feet after she stepped in glass.
- Glen Campbell looked pretty good for his age and performed really well for a guy with Alzheimer's. Too bad Rhinestone Cowboy sucks so hard.
- Jay-z and Kanye were conspicuously missing from the entire proceedings. I know Jay was boycotting the Grammys for a while because they didn't show any love to rap and then he lost out best album to "Big Willie Style" one year or something but he performed Swagga Like us a few years ago so I think that's over. Kanye was being typically bitchy about not winning anything last year so maybe it was a show of solidarity between the two to skip it. But as much of a turd as Kanye can be, you know an awards show isn't the same without his dumb ass threatening to do something stupid. UPDATE: It's now come out that Hov and B were just hanging out with Bottle in Carroll Gardens eating pizza instead of going to the Grammys.
- The Foo Fighters did "Rope" which was the single from their last album and was probably my favorite track off of it, and then Deadmau5 did their remix of it that appeared on that same album. It was all ok. I'm so sick of hip hop that I've been getting into Dubstep lately ( also thanks to Motown Marxist). Skrillex makes me want to do ecstasy and punch someone in the face.
- Nikki Minaj had the most talked and tweeted about moment of the night, doing some faux Lady Gaga blasphemy shit. I wasn't really offended by the religious stuff (this is how far we've come since the Like a Prayer video that dared to have Leon play Christ) but the song was what rectal cancer sounds like (I think that priest's look up there says it all). STFU, Nikki. You got a great possibly fake ass and some nice cans and you're probably the second best rapper in your crew, but the black Gaga thing is cool for drag clubs in the West Village, playing gay exorcist on national TV isn't though. It was just meant to be shocking and get talked about (which of course is what I'm doing right now) but it came across as desperate and stupid Catholic League baiting bull shit. As for that second best in your crew title I just gave you, that's not a big deal when your competition are two retarded kids, a sensitive former child actor, a ghoulish creature who wore pajamas on tv last night, and some no name mixtape rappers who never made it, and Busta Rhymes.
- Weight Watchers works.
- LL Cool J was a serviceable, bland host in the style of a Ryan Seacrest or some other boring guy like that. The lip licking thing is too much though. I was thinking of Jamie Foxx's stand up routine as Mr. Smith gave his eulogy for Whitney Houston all the while looking like he was in the Doin' It video.
- The Beach Boys are still pretty good.
- Victor Cruz is everywhere these days. Since the Super Bowl win he's been at Fashion Week's opening night, made numerous talk show appearances, took the first pictures of Blue Ivy, created the Ipad 3, and now scored the best seat in the house at the Grammys: right behind Adele who won everything. He even did a little of his salsa on stage. Cruuuuuuuz.
- Speaking of Adele, she won everything. I think she won best rap album and got a lifetime achievement award for being Willie Nelson but I could be wrong. Good for her, at least she can actually sing and the Grammys proved they aren't totally out of touch by awarding a deserving popular artist instead of The Eagles or Steely Dan or some other baby boomer band that nobody under 30 even knew had an album out.
That's all for me. I missed about an hour or so of the show but from what I gathered on Facebook and from text messages I didn't miss much. See you next time for the similarly pointless Oscars.