Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Marrying Kim Kardashian: Good Career Move or Just Stupid?

The PTU staff is divided over quite a few things (baseball team allegiances, Wall Street protesters, Cam Newton, organic donuts) but maybe nothing inspires spirited (sometimes violent) debate in the PTU offices as Kim Kardashian. A couple of us think she's the hottest girl to walk the planet while the others consider her nothing more than a plastic whore with a saggy ass. A few days ago, Hater J and I almost came to E-blows over the merits of marrying Kim K. This isn't a question of "would you bang her?" or anything like that. Even the staunchest Kardashian opponent wouldn't kick her out of the bed. But moving past that, is the decision to wife her a wise business move or something only a sucker with an NBA contract would do? With the tragic news that has the nation in mourning today that Kim and Kris's wedded bliss has come to an abrupt end, let's face the question that's on every one's mind. To wife or not to wife Kim Kardashian?

The answer for me lies in how successful your athletic career is at the moment. For a guy like Reggie Bush - already an established name at the beginning of his professional career at the time of his hook up with KK - didn't need to put a ring on it to give himself a boost. And even after breaking up with her, he's maintained a decent career with a few lame endorsements despite playing in Hell. But for her most recent ex, Kris Humphries? This was a gold mine for him, a veritable cash cow. Think about it. He might be guilty of trying to change a hoe into a housewife but you had no idea who this ass clown was before he started dating Kimmy. I watched approximately 300 hours of NBA basketball a week before the lockout, and I was a bit fuzzy on the guy before he came to New Jersey. He has career numbers below those of Benoit Benjamin and the offensive touch of a man with artificial limbs. He was the ultimate nobody on a team that nobody cares about (even in their own home state). Can name recognition possibly be a bad thing for a guy this mind numbingly mediocre? No way. He also had his best statistical season by far last year, which could either be attributed to his new found fame and hot girlfriend or could just be another case of a guy playing great in a contract year. Either way, K Hump is now a household name, and not even in sports watching households, but all of your wives and girlfriends and mothers and sisters who read US weekly and watch E! know this guy. They don't know anyone else on the Nets but they know him. And even more than that, he's going to gain sympathy from being left by a fame hungry witch that most women are already on the fence about.

Of course, being recognized by housewives and sisters doesn't translate into fame and fortune or success on the court. But hitching your wagons to a famous train these days is the best option for a borderline athlete, even if it's a crazy train. Kardashian could be looking to match her hero Elizabeth Taylor's marriage mark, and at least he'll always be the first in that long, sad line. If that's not enough, then there's always Dancing with the Stars or Basketball Husbands. It's better than being Benoit Benjamin.


  1. Isn't Kris her second marriage?

  2. Who knows? I look like some kind of expert?

  3. I'm sorry, that was harsh. Yeah, you're probably right. Oh well, I guess Kris can't say he was the first.

  4. It was definitely worth it for him, he is probably going to end up being a high school basketball coach due to the lockout. I'm pretty sure she was married before.