N.F.L. Not for Losers week 3

"I quit" is what my mush friend told me this week as I was asking for his pick for tonight's game. He gave me the run around, I finally found out that he didn't really quit and went on to bet the over on Monday night's game, of course he lost. As game time is only 1.5 hours away, I'll spare you the long version and just tell you what my mush friend is betting tonight. He likes Philly and the over.

Best of luck , use at your own risk

N.F.L. Not for Losers Week 2

Welcome to this weeks edition of N.F.L. (Not of Losers). Last weekend I was in Atlantic City with my Mush friend and I witnessed him loss with pocket Aces all in pre-flop not once, not twice, but four times. On one of those occasions he even flopped a set and lost to runner runner straight. In true gambling form this didn't stop my mush friend from betting on the Pats -12.5 and Over on last Thursday nights game, sorry fans for dropping the ball on not letting you know that little nugget of gambling wisdom, but to make it up to you I asked him for his "lock" of the week.  He likes N.Y. Giants +4 and Under 55 points. As always I say use this knowledge how ever you wish , but at your own risk lol.

Know more then my loser friend

The Geno Smith Era begins with a Win, Jets fans predict Super Bowl Win

The Jets won an exciting game to day on a last second field goal, that was set up by a penalty by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Jets Fans have gone crazy are partying in the streets and claiming that a super bowl is only 20 weeks away.

Well Jets Fans I wanna show you what happened the last time you were overly excited about a QB that won a game for you

I still think this Geno's is the best on the east coast.

Hey Get your NY Jets Gear

NY Giants Preview

Tonight is the night, FOOTBALL Begins, but here at PTU we are bias . We all bleed blue, except for Bottle who every once in a while claims to be a Jets fan. So instead of breaking down tonight's game we will break down the up and coming season. First lets look at the schedule.

Schedule 

1 Sep 8 @ DAL. Giants own Dallas at Dallas, I don't expect this season to be any different 1-0

2 Sep 15 DEN  Denver is a Super Bowl favorite and Peyton is going to have extra days to prepare against the Giants 1-1

3 Sep 22 @ CAR Giants should handle Cam Newton and the Panthers easily 2-1

4 Sep 29 @ KC Even thou Kansas City is greatly improved they won't be improved enough to beat the Giants 3-1

5 Oct 6 PHI By this Point in the season I expect the Eaglas offense to gel and finally start beating othere teams and one of those teams will be the Giants 3-2

6 Oct 10 @ CHI Bears don't scare me and they won't scare the Giants 4-2

7 Oct 21 MIN When I think of the Vikings I think of Nightmare games for Eli , I don't know why they have his number but they do 4-3

8 Oct 27 @ PHI By this point the Giants should be able to adjust to the Eaglas new offense and beat them 5-3

Week 9 Bye

10 Nov 10 OAK Come on its the Raider 6-3

11 Nov 17 GB Now if your a Giants fan like me you know they always lose 3 games in a row , so expect a loss here 6-4

12 Nov 24 DAL  here 6-5

13 Dec 1 @ WAS BUT what wait Redskins during week 13 , but this point RG3 won't be as quick and agile as he might be during weeks 1,2, or 3. Giants win a close one 7-5

14 Dec 8 @ SD Chargers are terrible 8-5

15 Dec 15 SEA Seattle was impressive last year , but as you know that means nothing in the NFL I look for the Giants to win this game 9-5

16 Dec 22 @ DET Lions shouldn't be playing for anything at this point, Giants will be playing for the Division . I expect the Giants to take care of business. 10-5

17 Dec 29 WAS If I thought RG3 would have health problems in week 13, by week 17 he should be in a wheel chair or on the sidelines. Giants win this game and the Division 11-5

So the Giants are going 11-5 how will that happened?

Offense

Its all about Eli Manning if he throws for 250 to 300 yard every game, they won't be losing. If he throws for more then 300 yards I expect that to be a bad thing as they will be far behind and need him to light it up. David Wilson needs to come up big in the running game and protect Eli in the passing packages.

Defense 

Giants were Ranked 31st in total Defense in 2012. This has and will improve in 2013. I expect the D line and Line backers to be the strong points of this defense with the secondary improving the most.

Either way 2013 is looking to be an exciting year for the NY Giants and Giants fans.

Get your Giants Gear!

N.F.L. Not for Losers Week 1

Hello PTU readers and welcome to what will hopefully be a weekly segment. I like to call this segment "Not For Losers" Its where I select one match up during the N.F.L. season and ask how my mush friend who he likes in the game and then bet the opposite. Now why would I bet the opposite? Well this man was once a millionaire and I never seen him win a sports bet when his life depended on it and at this point of his life it does. He is running colder than an Eskimo in a freezer, well enough of my banter. Here is his pick for Thursday Night

Denver -8.5 and Under 48

You should take advice from people how know more then me

Changing the Game: How to Profit From Your Passion for Sports by a Wall Street Investment Manage

Top 5 Half White Half Hispanics

                                                            

Unless you've been either living under a rock or using this blog as your only source of current events, you know there was a pretty big and pretty controversial trial recently. Trayvon Martin's killer, George Zimmerman walked off Scott free this past Saturday. A free man, able to play cops and robbers with real bullets wherever he very well pleases for the rest of his life, which won't be very long if you ask Victor Cruz. I'm not going to break down the specifics of this case, or what it means in the grand scheme of things or says about RACE IN AMERICA, or whatever. You've made up your mind already about what you think of the verdict and it's actually a very complex situation. Trayvon wasn't an angelic child whose joy for life was only exceeded by his love for Skittles and he wasn't a gang banging ne'er do well who if he wasn't casing GZ's gated community for open windows to jump in and wreak havoc he would have eventually like some believe. He also wasn't him. Zimmerman isn't history's greatest monster either. That's her. One thing is absolute though: George Zimmerman is half White and half Hispanic just like some of our writers here at PTU. And also just like these folks:

5) Tony Romo

 

 

While I originally thought Mark Sanchez was half White, it turns out that he's not at all. He's all Mexican. But Dallas Cowboys quarterback is indeed only half of a Mexican. He might try and hide his Latino side by only dating blond White girls and rarely if ever driving a car service, but it's there. Mexicans and White people can argue over which side is the one that tosses all those interceptions and chokes in the playoffs.

4) Bottle
                                                       

Who's Bottle? Well, he's many things to many people. A doting father, cheating husband, master sandwich maker and prolific writer of nearly none of your favorite articles on PTU. He does it all. He's also half Dominican.

3) Juan Epstein
                                                            

There's no rules to this shit. I can include a fictional character in this list if I want, and it's impossible to make a goofy list of part Hispanic people without including Buchanan High's resident Jewish and Puerto Rican class clown. He's also the inspiration for Hot 97's morning show title featuring Jewish hip hop head Peter Rosenberg and Rican former Funk master Flex lackey Cipha Sounds. Not as funny a mixed race combination as Tony Soprano's nickname for Meadow's half black half Jewish boyfriend "Jamal Ginsberg" but a worthy addition to this list.

2) Charlie Sheen
                                                         

If we had made this list two years ago he would have been number one in a landslide. It seems like a century ago that this dude hijacked pop culture for about a month. It was a lot like Linsanity in that way, except instead of a mild mannered Christian Chinese point guard that captured the nation's attention it was an aging actor addicted to hookers and blow. Off the strength of Major League and Hot Shots alone he deserves placement on here, and we'll try and forget about 2 and a Half Men and Anger Management.

1) Jessica Alba
                                                           

Look at her, she has to be number one on any list.

The end of a Season

For some of you its your birthday today, for about a few million people in the United States today marks the end of tax season. If for some reason you haven't filed your taxes yet, you should get an extension. I'm not providing you with any tax advice, but if you want to know how to do it, the IRS has a link for you.

http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc304.html

I would like to point out the most important part of what the IRS has to say in that link.

"Please be aware that an extension of time to file is NOT an extension of time to pay." 

I hope you all enjoy this tax season , not sure how you can but I couldn't think of a better way to end this post.

My Long overdue apology to Knicks Nation

Two months ago I wrote about how the Knicks Season was over, http://pardontheunemployment.blogspot.com/2013/02/knicks-season-is-over.html

they had just lost 4 in a row and they 4th loss was to the Raptors. I am making this apology not because they recently one 12 in the row I am making it because I was a dumb angry fan. So first off let me say I am sorry Knick nation and second of all I am happy I flew off the handle that just means I care. I try to forget those Knick years that Johnny Bagels knows to well, where they had clowns playing for them and very clowner coaches. In short I want to say regards of the seasons outcome its light years better then those sad dark Knick years and I'm sorry.

Hater's Holiday! The Heat Finally Lose!

Call out sick today, streak through the streets, break some car windows, punch a stranger in the face! It's a celebration for haters everywhere, as well as for those that embrace all that is right and just in the world. The Miami Heat have finally lost a game! These past two months have been a non-stop barrage of LeBron worship and general fawning over the greatness that is the Miami Heat. You couldn't turn on ESPN or read a sports related blog without incessant chatter over everything that is wonderful about the Heat. And I hated it. I dreaded even watching Sportscenter and not just for the incredibly lame jokes the anchors tell. I kind of understand how those Americans stuck in Iran felt in Argo. The Heat juggernaut held all of us haters hostage for nearly 2 months! But now we can breathe easy. It's beginning to almost feel like Spring in the tri-state area:  the sky is blue, the sun is shining, girls are starting to wear skirts and there's a great big L next to the Heat's name in the sports section.

Enjoy it for now, fellow haters. While the taste of defeat is sweet, alas it is short lived. The Heat are still a dominant team, and I know I wasn't the only person who felt like Miami would still pull a win out of their ass even when they were down 9 with 2 minutes left. And they were a defensive rebound away from having a chance to make it a one possession game with about a minute left but Carlos Boozer (who made some great and some really, really stupid plays last night) scored on a put back to seal it. They've shown they're on another level when they really focus and it's a scary thing for every other team and fan base in the NBA. But, there's a slight glimmer of hope that the haters can take solace in. The short-handed Bulls who started Nazr Mohammed in place of Joakim Noah (ugh) and still without D Rose pushed the Heat around a bit and frustrated LeBron, so much so that he committed his first flagrant foul since 2007 (which oddly enough was on Wade back when James was with the Cavs) on a elbow to the chest of Boozer. It was strange to see, the usually unflappable LeBron losing his cool like that. That's usually the stuff that mere mortal hot heads like Carmelo pull. But the Bulls pushed, bumped and even tackled (see the photo above) LeBron all night and provided a blueprint for other teams to maybe have a chance against Miami. Much like the bad boy Pistons employed the "Jordan Rules" which was little more than just sending 3 of their goons to assault MJ on every drive to the basket, Chicago basically let Bron and the Heat know that if they were going to beat them it would hurt. But oh does it feel good to be a hater today. Enjoy it for now, my comrades in Heat Hate. We might not like LeBron when he's angry.

Old People Suck

Like many New Yorkers I live in an apartment building, and with that comes much stress and heartache. Chief among those annoyances is living within close proximity to other humans. Either Sartre or Woody Allen or someone said "Hell is other people" and no one understands that as well as people who live in New york city apartments. While all manner of other people have their annoying quirks, one of the worst types of people to cohabitate with is the elderly. Man, do old people suck. You may think that all old folks are cute, wise little fellas like the guy from Up, but in reality the majority of old people are bitter, angry coots who at this point in their life have nothing but time to yell at young people.

If you're wondering where this sudden hatred of old people has come from, (full disclosure time), this morning I had a run-in with the old crank who lives directly below me. He's a crusty, ancient Russian man who I'm sure lived through all manner of hardships back in his mother country and now takes out his bottled up rage and despair on the well-meaning blogger who lives above him. I feel bad that he had to wait on line for an entire afternoon for a loaf of bread when I spend most of my afternoons binge watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix and eating take out pad thai, but that's no excuse to scream at me in broken English first thing in the morning. I don't like people to tell me they love me when I first wake up, never mind yelling nonsense about not wearing shoes after midnight. If I wanted to be lectured on how loud I walk I would have stayed living at home, Boris! Not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm the model neighbor. I'm barely home, and when I am I lay on my couch and watch NBA League Pass for 4 hours before shuffling to my bathroom and then my bedroom at 11:30. No parties, no screaming babies or pets, in fact I probably walk as little as humanly possible when I'm in my apartment. I'm practically a piece of furniture. I hope when I move out, a family of 15 insomniac circus performers moves in and tap dances and does aerobics all night long. If only this guy knew how good he has it.

That's my rant about old people.

Knicks Season is over

Above is a graphic representation of the Knicks this season.

Dunk Contest Memories with the Knicks

The NBA's premiere weekend is here and it's really not very exciting. It's always been a fairly ridiculous event, the allstar game and it's accompanying BS, but over the past decade it's really gotten silly. The game itself has devolved into less than a glorified pick up game. At least in a pick up game, both teams are still playing hard to win. It's more like 24 hung over guys goofin around and showing off for a couple hours, because that's exactly what it is. And the dunk contest and 3 point shootouts (once the centerpiece of All star weekend) have steadily declined as all of the big names refuse to participate. I don't care how good they are at dunking, nobody cares to see Jeremy Evans and Terrance Ross (two guys so bad they don't even get playing time for Utah and Toronto) battle it out. Nevertheless, the show must go on and this year All star weekend will be just crawling with Knickerbockers. You have Melo and Chandler in the big game, as well as Novak in the 3 point shootout and James "Flight" White fittingly participating in the no-name dunk contest. The Knicks have had quite a few guys dunking for Sprite throughout the years, though, some memorable and some not so much.

Doug Christie (1996)

Everyone remembers Doug Christie as a key member of the exciting Sacramento Kings teams of the early 2000s and for being a pussy whipped loser but most people forget his tenure with the orange and blue. Not much came of his time here, but he was in a dunk contest. 1996 was a weird time for dunking right before Vinsanity and after the glory days of the 80s when people were trying to do things like kicking it to themselves like Doug does here. This video is fun to see Patrick Ewing looking very excited, Kenny Smith in an amazing shirt and Reggie Miller choking himself in anticipation. The bounce between the legs off the backboard dunk was actually a Kenny Smith original.

Kenny Walker (1989) (Champion '89)

Kenny "Sky" Walker was a fan favorite in the late 80s for the knicks and it's easy to see why. He had the smoothest flat top (sorry Shumpert), and even rocked a gold chain during the contest ala MJ. He kind of looks like a skinny Heavy D. This one here was the winner, and it might not look so great now because, well, everything's been done now. You can tell by the reaction from Steve "Snapper" Jones and the crowd in the clip that this wasn't something that they were used to seeing. That's the thing about the 80s dunk contests, all this stuff was brand new. Nowadays, the average street baller could do half the shit Larry Nance could but back then it was pretty special. Anyway, Sky Walker was a cool guy.

John Starks (1992)

I'm not really sure how Starks snuck into the 92 contest as this was more than a year before his famous dunk against the Bulls and he really only had two types of in game dunks (either a side arm one hander or a two hand double pump reverse dunk) but here he is. Overall, 92 was a pretty good contest that included a pre back injury Grandmama, Plastic Man Stacey Augmon and most memorably Cedric Ceballos dunking while blindfolded (although legend has it he could see just fine the whole time). Starks's performance here is pretty boring (as such there's no standalone clips of it on YouTube) despite how excited Ewing is here. Check out those specs on Pat! You get the feeling that Ewing was just happy to have any of his teammates at All star weekend during the nineties with him.

Gerald Wilkins (1986, '87)

Aside from Peyton and Eli, athlete brothers are almost always unevenly matched. Brook and Robin Lopez, Horace and Harvey Grant, JR and his brother Chris Smith, Blake Griffin and whatever his brother's name is, Jason and Jeremy Giambi. And the Wilkins bros were no exception, as Dominique is one of the 50 greatest players ever and Gerald is known for being a self proclaimed Jordan stopper and failing miserably. Still, Gerald had a good couple years as a Knick and stood out as a high flyer. Good luck finding video of his dunk contests, but here's some highlights of his time with the Knicks and Cavs.

Nate Robinson (2006-2010) (Champion 06-08, '10)

Lil' Nate's a strange case. He should by all means be a fan favorite wherever he goes, and he's usually well liked especially by kids who can identify with his tiny stature, but he inevitably causes fan bases and coaches to hate him by the time he is ushered out of town. I don't know too many Knicks fans who were upset to see Nate go a few years back, and it's testament to how stupidly he could play and act that fans could turn on a guy who's under 6 feet like that. Still, that height is what propelled to him 3 dunk contest championships which is pretty much all the Knicks ever won from 06-10. His wins were somewhat tainted by how many attempts he would need for some of his dunks but dunking over fellow midget Spud Webb was a nice touch.

How will Flight White fare tomorrow? He's the odds on favorite to win it as of Friday afternoon, meaning the competition is not exactly stiff seeing as how he's a 30 year old journeyman who has maybe dunked twice all season. However it ends, expect to hear Kenny Smith lose his shit at least 7 times, and someone to proclaim the dunk contest is back. Also expect to hear Barkley poke fun at how unknown everyone is and there to be at least one celebrity used as a prop by one of the dunkers. See ya in Houston, everyone.