Showing posts with label things J hates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things J hates. Show all posts

Monday, May 9, 2011

Holiday Weddings - WTF?



Of all the summer holiday weekends; Memorial Day is possibly the best. It’s the unofficial beginning of summer. Crashing someone’s barbeque is always okay, so long as you show up with a case of beer and a few bags of ice to toss in a massive cooler. You get to enjoy overcooked burgers that resemble hockey pucks and shriveled up hot dogs served up by your drunken grill master all day long. It usually provides for your first good weathered memory of a family member or friend getting really drunk and saying/doing something that may be embarrassing for them, but hilarious for all in attendance. Simply put, it’s great.



Much to my dismay, I just received a wedding invitation for the Saturday of this awesome weekend. After your 27th birthday or so, you come to accept that you will have to put aside one or two Saturdays every three months or so for some wedding or kid birthday party. What you never expect is for someone to take your great weekend hostage by forcing you to trade your cargo shorts (you need the extra pocket to carry that road beer home after the barbeque) for a suit and tie. So while PTU readers are enjoying good times, I’ll be watching two people exchange vows, followed by an indoor cocktail hour, a buffet and then some terrible entree. WTF?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Baby Showers Blow




Baby Showers are awful.

I went to a Dominican shower once upon a time (was dragged by the girlfriend) and vowed to never attend again. Although booze, music and dancing make it better than standard "white" baby showers, they're still miserable.

Some oversized, painfully pregnant woman dances in what loooks like slow motion due to the fact her cankles are beyond swollen. People get twasted (too twasted), and it makes them acting like dick heads acceptable. You become a victim to women talking about the time they were pregnant or what it would be like if they had kids. And finally, you deal with, "Oh, that's so cute," about 50 times for some stupid clothes the kid will wear for like a month before he poops all over it, barfs all over it, or just grows out of it.

SCREW BABY SHOWERS

as told by Hater J