Monday, December 5, 2011

PTU Classics: Happy Birthday Eddy Curry, You Fat Bastard

Eddy Curry
In honor of overweight slob, former Knick and all around waste of life Eddy Curry's 29th consecutive year wasting precious oxygen that could have gone to productive members of society, we present a PTU classic.

Where to start with Fat Ed? How about the fact that he was a walking embodiment of the Isiah Thomas era? A fat, sweaty, lazy, walking (he never really ran any where very hard) symbol of the overpaid, underperforming yet talented players that the snake loved so much. If Marbury was the face of the spoiled, underachieving Isiah era then Eddy was the constant reminder of Zeke's incompetence as team president wearing an expensive suit at the end of the bench every night for the past 4 years.

Going straight to the pros from Thornwood high in Illinois, Curry was the 4th pick of his hometown Bulls. Everyone could see he was ridiculously talented but he had a possible congenital heart defect that gave the team pause. No one would want to give the guy an extended contract because of it.... Except Isiah who promptly traded every draft pick the Knicks had for the next 20 years for the round mound of no rebounds, along with some other bums, sinking the Knicks into salary cap hell before Donnie Walsh eventually cleaned things up. Unsurprisingly, Eddy showed flashes of what he could be, occasionally putting up huge scoring numbers (although he makes Amare look like Moses Malone on the glass), but would eventually derail his career by repeatedly showing up to training camps out of shape. When you're a professional athlete who runs up and down a court for a living and are given the best trainers and personal chefs money can buy, how much of a fat slob must you be to continue to gain weight?

All of this is enough to land you in the PTU dog house for life, so we won't dwell on the alleged "gay sexual harassment" suit. Let's just say "Come and touch it, Dave" are words that will go down in Knicks history along with "Are you gonna get in the truck?". Dark days.

Welcome to the dog house, Eddy. You fat fuck.