Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Good Riddance, Summer
The summer is a highly over rated season. I know, I know, everyone looooves the summer, it's blasphemous to even suggest that it's actually lame. There's been literally thousands of songs, movies, books, television shows, whatever, dedicated to the virtues of summer. The sun, the fun, summer love, blah blah blah. That's all well and good when you're a child who has nothing to do for two months but read comic books, jerk off and play x-box in the comfort of your parent's air conditioned home. But alas, when you're old and defeated by life like we are, the summer is nothing more than a tease, like all those maxi dress wearing P.Y.T's who aren't your wife on the subway (maxi dresses are the proper term for those dresses that every girl was wearing this summer. You know the ones). Speaking of the subway, the iron horse is particularly torturous during the summer months. During the surrounding seasons, it's merely a pain in the ass to take the train to and from work every day. During the summer it's the closest many of us will get to a living hell we can complain about to other people. You thought homeless people with AIDS smelled bad in the spring and fall? Hoo boy, are you in for a treat. The Fall on the other hand is pretty under rated. Sure, there's been a few songs and movies bigging up Autumn throughout the years, but it's usually just talking about the changing colors of the leaves and new beginnings. In other words, gay shit. The Autumn is under rated as a time to truly get twasted off your ass. The summer is well known as the time for after work outdoors drinking, but I'd counter that 60 degrees is the perfect time to sit outside and drink your sorrows away. If you're a sports fan, you have many reasons to love the fall. Let's be honest, the summer is a dead zone for sports. Around July, even the players start getting bored of playing baseball. There's a reason it's called the dog days of summer. Besides that, you have the Olympics and all it's boring sports every 4 years and what else? The WNBA? The end of summer means the beginning of football season (college and pro), a time to get drunk 3 or 4 times a week, and a valid excuse to ignore your wife. Baseball games actually mean something, and the NBA is right around the corner. There's a reason Autumn rhymes with awesome.
So, throw your cargo shorts back in the closet, break out your hoodies and light jackets and bid farewell to the most over rated time of year. Screw you, summer. Check back in with us in December when we start bitching about Winter.