PTU Douchiest Neighborhoods in Brooklyn Power Rankings

L magazine, that pocket sized authority on all things hip and pretentious, recently ran their feature on the Brooklyn Neighborhood power rankings. I quickly glanced at it, so I'm not sure what their ranking system was. As opposed to New York magazine (which is also hip and pretentious but at least journalistically thorough) who had a complicated metric system to break down the order of their neighborhood rankings, L seems to just have ranked these in descending order from "where most of their art school classmates are moving" to "where most of their art school classmates are moving out of" to finally "where no one they would be caught dead speaking to would step foot in" aka Brownsville. Taking our inspiration from them, PTU proudly presents the Douchiest Neighborhoods in Brooklyn Power Rankings.

5. Park Slope

Park Slope held down the distinction as the first BK neighborhood to really make it for many years. By make it, I mean make it insufferable for normal Brooklynites to walk through without feeling like they've been transported to a land of yuppie couples, faux bohemian types (fauxhemian?) and of course, strollers. It's kind of a cliche now to make fun of Park Slope's stroller infestation (it's been parodied on at least 2 HBO comedies) but it doesn't make it any less true and annoying for us single bozos who hate children.

4. Bay Ridge

Sorry, Bay Ridge. We here at PTU have kind of a love hate relationship with you (M@d $cientist, you may want to skip ahead). You're still the most affordable safe neighborhood in Brooklyn, and you still provide so many memories for all of us. But you also are home to at least 3 active terror cells and some of the most douchiest fuck sticks this side of the Jersey Shore. Which is worse: the degenerate Arabs who wish they were Puerto Rican and while away their years on this Earth by hanging out in front of car services and McDonalds, hoping to one day grow up to be the next home-grown Jihadist just like their dirtbag parents or the spray tanned asshole with the Pauly D haircut and the Ed Hardy wardrobe that works out 9 times a week to stand around in Salty Dog and score blowjobs from Guidette nursing students? It's a toss-up for sure.

3. Bushwick

Bushwick was always regarded as one of those neighborhoods that you didn't want to wander through at any time, both for the local gang bangers or the Hasidic population. But over the past few years, those reviled hipsters have invaded East Williamsburg, bringing with them higher rents that their disappointed fathers will pay and the kind of "cool" buzz that gives unemployed organic smoothie makers a hard on in their skinny jeans. Bushwick Bill must be so ashamed.

2. Vinegar Hill

I'm not sure where this is, but it's called Vinegar Hill.

1. Williamsburg

That's right, the reigning champion of douchery, the Muhammad Ali of entitled hipsters, and the biggest reason that Brooklyn style is now considered to be something that looks like this: Williamsburg (or the even douchier nickname Billy Burg). With apologies to Hater J, who lived there pre-hippie takeover, Williamsburg has a couple things going for it; decent bars and restaurants, proximity to Manhattan. But it all pales in comparison to the extreme douche baggery that is on display every day in W'burg. Porkpie hat wearing pussies debating the works of Proust over PBR's and Hasidic Jews double parking make for one of the more annoying experiences you can have in New York. There once was a time that Brooklyn wasn't known for layabout artists and other similar morons, but now you can't separate the two. Brooklyn is hipster douches and there's nothing you can do about it besides write snarky, hate filled blog posts. 2 Broke Girls looks really annoying, too.

Honorable mention:
DUMBO (douchey acronym), Carrol Gardens (sorry Bottle, but kinda douchey), Sunset Park (perp douches), Brooklyn Heights (rich douches).

PTU Pundit '11 MLB Playoff Predictions

Much like the start of any season, the post season provides us a prime time opportunity to show make bold (and mostly wrong) predictions.

Here are some of the PTU staff’s picks, along with some commentary, series by series

Yankees vs. Detroit

The entire PTU crew like the hometown Yanks.  Resident Mets fan, Snooty, has labeled the Yanks the best team in American League.  Bottle thinks Verlander is the only Tigers player who can play making this an easy pick for him.   I see this game boiling down to game one.  Verlander has been awesome this season, but he hasn’t always been so awesome at the Stadium.  Conversely , Sabathia always seems to step it up at home, especially for big games.  Some fans will say that Doug Fister can still battle back in game two and tie this series.  Fister has been awesome since he was traded to Detroit, but this is the playoffs and Yankees Stadium, not Target Field in August.

Rangers vs. Rays

Snoot loves the Rays.  So much so, that a few nights of drinking over-proofed beer have resulted in devising a plan to bring them to Brooklyn.  Although the rest of the crew likes the Rangers, Snoot is taking the hot hand who can pitch and play some defense. 

Note: This was written prior to the first pitch, Snoot’s pick is off to a good start

Phillies vs. Cards

I’m by myself taking the Cards here.  The guys are going with the “Good pitching beats good hitting in the postseason” axiom.  It’s hard to deny the Phillies pitching but the Cards’ 3-5 hitters are as formidable as any.  Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins are also guys who can be pitched to and made to look bad if the opposing pitcher hits his spots. I think the veteran Cards’ staff knows how to pitch and does just enough for the wild card upset.

Brewers vs. D’Backs

Kirk Gibson seems to have carried over all of that good baseball fortune from 1988 to 2011.  The Backs went from a bottom dwelling team a season ago, to a team that has both a Cy Young and MVP candidate.  Snoot is the only person on this panel that thinks Gibson has one more week of luck in him.  Ideally, the Brewers would play the Cards in the next round allowing that jack ass Nyjer Morgan a.k.a. Tony Plush, the opportunity to show the world what a chump he is, keeping his mouth shut around Pujols the whole series.

Yankees vs. Tigers ALDS Preview

Seems like just yesterday I was writing about Yankees and CC Sabathia's opening day against The Tigers and Justin Verlander. Here we are 5 months, 162 games, and countless Milwaukee's Bests and utz pretzel sticks later and we've come full circle. CC vs. Bottle's pick for MVP tonight at Yankee Stadium. Tomorrow is officially the beginning of October, but the first baseball playoff game always means September's done and it's time to get serious.

Although this is a rematch of the 06 ALDS, not too much remains the same from that forgettable (for the Yankees) series. Gary Sheffield still hung out in right field, MVP candidate Curtis Granderson played was in the other uniform, Chien Ming-Wang was still considered an ace (picking up the Yanks only win of the series) and Justin Verlander was but a fresh faced albeit very good rookie. What the series is probably best remembered for in New York is Joe Torre's odd decision to bat the struggling A-Rod 8th in the elimination game 4. To be fair to Joe, A-Rod played about as bad as a baseball player could in that series (this was before his great 09 run erased all of this from our memories) and he probably deserved a demotion but that was probably not the time or place to sit your MVP. Anyway, these days Hater J's least favorite human being is an afterthought as he's barely played over the last few months. Any production out of him should be considered a bonus by the Yanks.

The big story this series will be the big, bad, scary Justin Verlander who has dominated the league this year, leading the AL in wins, strikeouts, innings pitched, ERA, winning percentage, WHIP, hits per 9 innings, national anthems sung, and bags of peanuts sold. Every outing is a possible no-hitter and/or complete game. He's kind of a throwback to an era when pitchers were expected to go 8 every start before Girardi's clip boards and La Russa's over-managing. The prevailing theory around NY and the rest of baseball was you want to avoid Detroit at all costs so you don't have to see Verlander twice in a 5 game series. He's this year's version of Cliff Lee. But, despite the gaudy numbers against everyone else, the Yanks should be able to take a little bit of comfort in the fact that they were 2-0 against Verlander this season and in both outings, he couldn't make it out of the 6th inning, something that isn't so bad for most mere mortal pitchers, but is practically unheard of in his case. If the Bombers can keep that same pressure on him during this series, they should be in good shape. And if Sabathia can recapture some of his midseason form (when he was almost as dominant as Verlander) then it could be a short series. CC seemed to struggle on extended rest this season as the Yankees experimented with a 6 man rotation in search of solid corps. But now that everything's settled, AJ Burnett is thankfully relegated to the bullpen where he can do minimal damage and Freddy Garcia is being thrown out there in game 3, CC should be back in his comfort zone. The pitching rotation has been the big question mark all season and it will be interesting to see how the Yankee's rookie sensation (Nova) and resurrected veteran (Garcia) perform in the spotlight.

As far as the offenses stack up, the Yankees have an advantage with their two MVP candidates (Granderson and Cano) leading the way. Mark Teixiera needs to improve his postseason offensive play, which thus far outside of one memorable home run against the Twins in 09 has been very dissapointing. As I mentioned before, A-Rod has gone from the focus to a bit of an unknown for this playoffs, and who knows, that might actually work in his and the Yankees benefit. Even with his monster 09 numbers, A-Rod has seemed to be affected by the attention and pressure in years past. Now that some of the burden has been shifted to other players, maybe number 13 can relax and let his talent speak for itself. As for the Tigers, they're led by a rejuvenated PTU keeping it real hero (we won't take complete credit for his resurgence) Miguel Cabrera, the Tigers have a somewhat overlooked potent offense. I say this since the spectacular play of Verlander can overshadow the rest of the team. But beware, Yankee fans, the Tigers are not a one man team. In fact, as Hater J pointed out, they were 4th in runs scored so we should expect some high scoring games over the next week and a half. I give the Yankees an edge here, though, as they have the more experienced and talented lineup.

All in all, these teams are more evenly matched than some media outlets and fans are portraying them. The Yankees cruise to a division title was really more a by product of Boston's crappyness then anything they did, so fans shouldn't be lulled into a false sense of security and smugness (something I'll sadly admit Yankee fans do better than anyone else). Hell, if Boston had played a little over .500 ball in September we might not even be talking about this today and would instead be posting about Octoberfest or something. That being said, I expect a closely contested series with the Yankees getting to Verlander tonight and then doing enough in the next 4 games to win in 5 at home next Friday.

Note: I'll be at the game tonight and will attempt to capture some magic moments in pictures for PTU. Let's go Yanks!

Hater J's Week 4 Picks

After a 10 win week last Sunday, I am at 24-22-2 for the season. Here goes week 4:

Giants (-1.5) – Pick this game with extreme caution. The Giants are on a high after beating up on the “Dream Team”. Eli is looking to build on the rhythm he’s set into over the past 6 quarters of football. The Cards’ pass “D” is still quite suspect which should make for a good game through the air for the G-Men. The problem is…this is the exact type of game the Giants lose.

Ravens (-3.5) – I see this Jets bandwagon thinning out after the superior Ravens bust them up for their second straight road loss. The Jets are not an elite football team. The Ravens are.

Lions (1.5) – The Cowboys didn’t score a touchdown on Monday and looked completely lost on offense without Miles Austin. Tony Romo needed to take two shots to numb his ribs and a short week translates into less time to heal. On the flip side, the Lions showed some chops with a come from behind win a mean pass rush, and a tremendous pass offense. “Fat Boy” Suh is going to punish Romo and Megatron should have no problems exploiting this bad pass “D”.

Saints (-7) – I usually hate giving seven points, on the road, with a bad defense. These games tend to end up with the crap home team scoring a garbage time touchdown and destroying your cover, or the crap home team hanging around and keeping it close for no known reason. However, the Jags have a miserable pass offense and they have a miserable pass defense...I’m laying the seven.

49ers (+9) – According to Kenny Powers, “Patrick Willis runs like a cheetah and hits like a super pissed rhino.” His teammates have fallen in line, punishing QB’s all season. After busting up Tony Romo’s ribs, they get a shot at the crash test dummy known as Mike Vick. I can see ESPN and Berman having a segment going with a segment called Vick’s Picks after Willis scares Mike into a few more errant passes and into some more pain.

Rams (+1) –The Rams get another game at home after last week’s super awful home loss. The Redskins are coming off a short week in a game they lost without allowing a touchdown. If the Rams have any pride, they need to step up here. Look for Steven Jackson to run angry.

Titans (+1) – The Browns get a one point win at home against a bad Miami team and get to be a one point favorite against a better Titans team? I’m not buying it. Titans’ Chris Johnson is still looking for a break out game. Nate Washington is no Kenny Britt, but he’s formidable. The Titans win this one.

Bills (-3) – I hear that Benson and the Bengals are going to run to keep the ball out of Fitzpatrick’s hands. So after a bunch of third and longs followed by punts, the Bills will get the ball to light them up. Let’s go Bills.

Vikings (-1.5) – Leslie Frazier says he wants to get AP more totes. Literally translated, “Shit, I‘ve had big second half leads, I have the best running back in football, but kept passing and have no wins.” A heavy dose of AP = bad times for the awful Chiefs.

Panthers (+6.5) – Panthers will give the Bears a taste of their own medicine with “The Daily Show” and Cam doing their “Cutler to Forte” dink and dunk impersonation all the way to a cover…maybe even a win.

Steelers (+4) – The Texans still can’t close games and the Steelers step up after disappointing performances. Four points is too much to lay on a team that can’t stop hurting themselves.

Falcons (-4.5) – Tavaris Jackson, I hate you. He had no business winning that game last week. The Falcons play terribly everywhere but Georgia, but my hatred for Tavaris will not allow me to pick him. Stay away from this game.

Dolphins (-7.5) – I should have known better than to pick a Norv Turner team in September. Mike Thomas can actually give this Chargers team a few headaches. If he doesn’t, I can totally see the Chargers scoring a bundle and then going into cruise control and allowing the Dolphins back in for a cover.

Broncos (+13.5) – The Packers are the best team in football, but their secondary hasn’t looked very championship-like. Much like their game against Carolina, I see the Packers’ secondary allowing a ton of yards and a few TD’s in a game that a Packers’ win is never in doubt.

Raiders (+4.5) – Can the Pats stop anyone? I don’t think so. I’ll take the home team, getting points, and hope that Run DMC breaks a few to keep it close.

Bucs (-10)/Colts – Josh Freeman vs. Curtis Painter. I see a heavy dose of LeGarrett Blount paired with great game management from Josh Freeman in what will be an easy win for the Bucs.

Dr Dre Is A Scum Bag

And now if you would allow me to rant for a second, I have something I need to get off my chest: Dr. Dre is the most over rated dirtbag scam artist in the music business. Yeah, I loved a lot of his music, dating all the way back to the NWA days, then to the G-funk era of The Chronic and Doggystyle to his dominance of the late 90s and early 2000s with The Chronic 2001 and the stuff with Eminem and 50 cent. But Andre's biggest financial success has also been the single biggest scam of the 21st century: the Beats by Dre headphones.

These flimsy piece of shit headphones have basically taken over the market, just take a look around you next time you're on the subway or at the gym. How every high school age kid and welfare recipient in New York can afford 300 dollar headphones is a question for the ages, but they make it happen. And it's not just the hood. If you're a reclusive hermit type just turn on ESPN and see all the athletes from LeBron to Kobe to the last guy on the Red Bulls' bench (they're a soccer team) walking to and from the team bus with the distinctive red B sticking out of their ears. Guess what? They've all been fooled! Bamboozled and hoodwinked! I, too, had the wool pulled over my eyes. Dre promised me that you couldn't really listen to music without a pair of his headphones so I had to see what all the hype was about. I expected to hear things I'd never heard before. Every note, drum snare and lyric sounding like the whisper of a thousand heavenly angels; music as God had intended. 2 weeks and 170 dollars later I had one working headphone and one blown out left headphone. And those were the least expensive ones in the whole line! Thankfully I spent another 20 dollars on insurance-since that's what you do when making an investment such as this- so I could trade the faulty joints in for another pair. Less than 4 months later these pieces of junk popped again. So I'm saying farewell to Beats by Dre. You've tormented me long enough, Andre. And let's be honest, every beat Dre's made since 2003 has sounded EXACTLY THE SAME. He's been riding those two albums for a 20 year career and somehow he's still looked at as some type of musical God even though a Jewish coke head was responsible for the majority of his instrumental "genius". He got lucky with Eminem (and really how much musical insight do you need to figure out that a ridiculously talented blond guy would be popular?) but most people forget the other 20 or so signings by Aftermath. For every 50 cent and Eminem there's 4 or 5 Joe Beasts and Bishop Lamonts. Those are actual names of rappers (look it up). And if the recent Ronnie from Jersey Shore like pictures and the couple of leaks off the mythical Detox are any indication, Dre's been spending his time sticking steroid needles in his ass instead of crafting classic hip hop records.

So, Dre, you had a nice 10 or 15 year run as a very good producer. You no longer wear glitter and makeup or pretend to be a gang banger, but I hate you and your cheap headphones that you've fooled the world into spending their hard earned money on. And guess what? The 40 dollar Sony headphones I bought today as a quick placeholder between my next purchase sound better than your overpriced garbage. Bose, here I come. Eat a dick, Dre.

Live From New York it's PTU!

It's an often repeated statement that Saturday Night Live (which entered it's 36th season this past weekend) is a New York institution. It's usually repeated by fans and those associated with the show as a reminder to people that it doesn't/hasn't/won't always suck. Because, despite it's status as the longest running comedy show on television and the one show that has represented New York for over 30 years, the cold hard truth is SNL kinda sucks fairly often. This isn't to say it's not also often very funny and influential, but any show that has been on for over 3 decades, is always done live, and which relies on topical humor is going to hit a few bumps in the road. The rotating hosts every week keep things somewhat fresh, though. Most of the time, the host and musical guest combination are just representative of the flavors of the week and a glance at any random episode list from the last 20 years will prove that. This theory at it's very worst can be seen in whatever NBC sitcom star paired up with TRL artist (anyone want to check out the classic Helen Hunt and Hanson or Matthew Perry and Oasis episodes of 1995?) that dominated the mid 90s seasons. Once in a blue moon, though, the host and musical guest combination are pure, crazy gold (finding SNL videos online is next to impossible so I apologize for the lack of great video on some of these).

OJ Simpson and Ashford and Simpson (February 25th, 1978)

I've mentioned this one before and it is indeed a favorite at the Slob Den. It's not really funny, but seeing OJ in anything since 95 is a hoot. He doesn't reach Nordberg heights of hilarity, but there's something about watching OJ pre murder gadding about in sketches with Lorraine Newman that is mind blowing. Add the recently deceased Simpson of Ashford and Simpson and you have one wild Saturday night.

Michael Jordan and Public Enemy (September 28th,1991)

A fun thing about looking at some of these old shows is you get a nice snapshot of the culture at that time or what Chuck Klosterman would explain in much douchier way as the "zeitgeist". SNL always tried to stay cutting edge (despite their tendency towards showcasing the Z100 top 10) and this week's host and musical guest combo was a good example of seizing the moment. Michael was at this point coming off his first title run, his sneakers were popular with everyone from the trendy elite to kids in the projects (he wore the underappreciated 6's against the Lakers that year)and he was well on his way to being the global icon that he is today.Meanwhile, Public Enemy were the most revolutionary rap group of all time. This was also at the height of trendy black nationalism brought on by Spike Lee's Malcolm X movie so there was no better time to have an all black SNL season premiere. Highlights include Jordan visiting Stuart Smalley (I'm good enough...) and Chris Farley's Bulls dance (daaaaa bulls, da bulls, da bulls, da bulls)

Steve Forbes and Rage Against The Machine (April 13th,1996)

Jordan and PE were a perfect match, but sometimes Lorne Michaels and company make a host and musical guest combination decision that just leaves you saying "you're fucking with us, right?". This was never better exemplified than in this spring of 96 late season episode. A show hosted by a billionaire republican presidential candidate sounds pretty awkward to begin with, but adding the extremely far left leaning Rage just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Predictably, Tom Morello and the guys weren't pleased to be sharing a bill with one of the symbols of American big business and excess and decided to voice their displeasure in an upside down hanging American flag. NBC (naturally) thought this was a bad idea, and also told Zack De La Rocha to leave out the F word in his performances. This was quite a snag for Zack though since "Screw you I won't do what you tell me" doesn't quite have the same oomph. In the end, Rage performed Bulls on Parade sans upside down flag and Forbes did some nondescript sketches mostly poking fun at his immense wealth and disconnect from the common man. That's a kick ass performance of Bulls on Parade though.

Malcolm-Jamal Warner and Run DMC (October 18th, 1986)

Another all black edition of SNL, this time featuring the young star of TV's most popular black family of all time and the first rap group to really bust through to the mainstream at the peak of their respective powers. These days, SNL has whatever rapper or rap group is currently hot at the moment, but in 86 it was pretty rare to see young black men rapping about their sneakers on national television. They weren't the first rap group to perform on SNL (Funky Four Plus One hold that distinction from a few years prior) but this is still a fairly momentous occasion nonetheless.

Joe Montana and Walter Payton and Debbie Harry (January 24th, 1987)

Another athlete hosting job except this time with twice the awkwardness. Athletes usually make pretty lame SNL hosts (see Michael Phelps or Derek Jeter) but occasionally you come across some gems. Like Peyton Manning (something about quarterbacks I guess), Montana seems pretty willing to make fun of himself and his dim personality. Not sure why they stuck Payton in this too, but the double host is kind of fun. Also features a past her prime Harry, but the show's worth it for Joe's sincere guy Stu skit ("I'll be upstairs masturbating").

There's a lot more nutty hosts and musical guests throughout the years (Steven Seagal is as bad as you would expect) but we'll leave it at this for now.

David Stern Means Business (Or Does He?)

Last night, in a move that shocked no one, David Stern announced that he's pulling out the big guns in the battle with the player's union that's had the league locked out for the past few months. Stern's let it be known that he's sick of the player's shit and will pull the plug on the entire season unless they start listening to reason. Is Dave serious about this or is it just the usual gamesmanship? I'd bet on the latter, because Stern needs games to be played way more than the players do.

David Aldridge and the harbingers of doom on ESPN and NBA TV have been predicting at the very least half of the season could be lost since last season, so it's not too much of a surprise that we might not have any NBA this year. But, Stern's threat to axe the whole shebang if Derek Fisher doesn't start listening to his and the rest of the owner's demands reeks of hollow threats. It's an understandable play by a guy who's known to drive a pretty hard bargain (as sheisty as he may be, he's turned the NBA into a worldwide phenomenon) but it's still just talk. Stern needs games this season even more than the players need those checks- well, most of them at least. They might have to lease one of their Rolls Royce Phantoms as opposed to buy but they'll get by. Hell, half of the league seems to be on their way to Europe as we write this. But, David Stern needs the NBA to play. You remember everyone's reaction when they heard about Stern's threats? Of course not, because nobody cared. I'm not too sure why I'm typing this right now besides the fact that it's a slow sports day and I wanted to use that pic of the guy in the airbrushed Stern shirt. I knew the NBA wasn't too high on the priority lists of too many people my age or older but really nobody cares about the NBA being locked out. If there were no games for an entire season, I'm afraid people would just forget pro basketball existed in this country. The majority of Americans would watch the NCAA and Dexter or whatever else and keep it moving. Stern did a good job winning the country back after Jordan's retirement and the shortened season in 99 and even after some of his black players went into the stands and beat up white fans. But losing a season would be a catastrophe that the league might never come back from. It took barrels full of steroids and home runs to win back the baseball fan after the MLB strike, and that's America's national past time for Christ's sake. Stern and his teams of hip hop hooopers would be easily forgotten by an already disenchanted fan base in a reeling economy. I get why he's pulling out all the stops here. If the players call his bluff he's cooked. He better be careful, because the only thing worse than a strike is a strike that nobody cares about.

The Greatest Yankee Loss Ever

I've never been so happy to see the Yankees lose. The late season schedule resulted in the strange situation of Boston fans rooting for the Yankees and some Yankee fans (myself included of course) rooting against our own team. The result was a wacky, mixed up evening of misplaced loyalties and historic choking. I half expected to see AJ Burnett come out of the visiting bullpen and hit Evan Longoria in the face with a pie.

For a while there it seemed like we were headed for a one game play-in in Tampa tomorrow at best, and at worst the Red Sox clinching in Baltimore last night. The Yankees were playing like the Yankees, hitting grand slams and whatnot, and the Red Sox were clinging to a one run lead over an Orioles team who looked ready to start their vacations. But then in an occurrence that only a hackneyed sports writer could come up with, the rains came pouring down in Baltimore (get it? it's like symbolic). And while the Boston players sat anxiously in the clubhouse, they got to see the horrifying sight of the Rays rallying from a 7 run deficit to tie the game in the 8th inning. I can only imagine the looks on their faces being something similar to people watching the premiere of that new Kevin Dillon sitcom. Meanwhile, my face looked a little more like this from my couch.

So finally, game play resumed at Camden and Boston attempted to shake off what they'd just witnessed and do their part to keep their season alive. It looked like it might happen too. But then, something glorious happened. Papelbon's fish face firmly in place, the now 90% Red Sox Nation crowd ready to explode (this really isn't too much different from any Red Sox game at Baltimore these days), the Yanks and Rays now tied in extra innings creating hope that maybe the Sox could still pop some champagne before the night was over...and then Papelbon gave up two straight doubles. And Carl Crawford misplayed a line drive resulting in the winning run. Just 3 MINUTES LATER, Evan Longoria hit his 2nd home run in 3 innings to send the slightly more than half filled Tropicana field into hysterics and Boston fans to another long winter of discontent. Now, things can get back to normal. I can root for the Yankees as usual without any of that pesky hate that forces me out of my normal sports rooting routines. See ya next year, Boston.

PTU Great Moments In Mets History

September 29th, 2011. The Mets were in another hotly contested series against the Cincinnati Reds. Jose Reyes, the face of the Mets franchise, was about to accomplish something NEVER done before by a Mets player: Win the NL Batting Title.

It was not just about winning the batting title, it was about the courageous way in which he went about it...the Mets way. Harking back to days of true men like Ted Williams, Jose Reyes demonstrated the mental and hamstring toughness all Mets fan know he possess.

Bases empty, bottom of the first inning. An almost capacity crowd with 30% of the stadium empty. A BUNT! Reyes makes it to first. And then, the toughest decision, but the right one for a Met. Reyes takes himself out to improve his odds of winning the batting title. His manager even gave him the credit, saying it was Reyes who made the bold decision to take himself out. And that, Mets fans is how we got our first NL Batting Title. Another great day in Mets history.

Occupy Wall Street: A Disgrace To Real Hippies Everywhere

Some of us at PTU got into a vigorous debate today about the merits of the "Occupy Wall Street" protest. While most of PTU probably agrees with the majority of what I'm about to write, I'll be fair and say that Bottle vehemently disagrees.


Take a look at the image above that this group has on their own Facebook page and it highlights the main problem with this movement: they have no actual idea what their goals are. The only goal seems to be to complain about every liberal issue all at once while sleeping in the street without showering. Of course there are problems with corporate domination of American politics along with lots of other important issues, but these people aren't going to accomplish anything the way they are going about this.


Unfortunately our generation has turned into a bunch of whiners who like to blame everything on someone else. How can someone living in the U.S. possibly compare the challenges and oppression they face to someone living under a dictatorship in the Middle East? How does anyone who contributes anything meaningful to society have time to spend a month sleeping in a park and protesting every random issue known to man? Sure life isn't fair, but unfortunately the new norm is to sit around and blame everyone else for your problems instead of putting in some good old fashioned hard work to better yourself and achieve real change.


The hypocrisy is also rife among this group. Probably the best quote I've seen that sums this up comes (surprisingly) from the usually left leaning NYTimes:

"One day, a trader on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, Adam Sarzen, a decade or so older than many of the protesters, came to Zuccotti Park seemingly just to shake his head. “Look at these kids, sitting here with their Apple computers,” he said. “Apple, one of the biggest monopolies in the world. It trades at $400 a share. Do they even know that?".


Now, let me say that I think many of the issues that some of these "protesters" want to raise are quite valid. We do need to make sure we are enough of a civilized nation that we don't let people die from a tooth infection because they don't have insurance. We have to think logically and objectively about how our actions contribute to and modify the natural climate change that occurs over time. Unfortunately it seems like many lazy wannabe hippies are taking advantage of these problems to have an "experience". Someone should tell them that is what Burning Man is for, real problems need to be solved by real leaders with clear goals and objectives.


This gets me to my final point, which is that these people can learn something from keeping it real hippies back in the day. They were able to set clear goals and contribute to meaningful outcomes such as the signing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the withdrawal of American troops from Vietnam. These modern day hipsters should take a lesson from the keeping it real hippies and actually get something done instead of blogging to their friends back in Kansas about the cool experience they had protesting nothing. Anything else is a disgrace to the original hippies they idolize. 

Shut Up, Old Man! The Wild Card is Awesome

During last night's Yankees Rays broadcast, YES Network play by play man and all around douche bucket Michael Kay was seemingly caught in his own douchiness by Al Leiter. After Kay did one of his "ahhh October baseball pennant races, ain't life grand?" routines following the reading of significant out of town scores, Leiter pointed out that Kay was against the wild card. A clearly flustered Kay shot back "why are you jumping on me?" in that classic passive aggressive "boys will be boys joking around but I realize you just OWNED me" way that he has. And herein lies the problem with the old fogey baseball "purist": He forces himself to hate change simply because it's change even if it makes the sport so much more enjoyable.

Baseball, more so than any other sport, values tradition and history almost to a comical point. The uproar over changes that obviously benefit game play and fan enjoyment such as instant replay and interleague play are clear examples of this. Just because something didn't exist when Honus Wagner was trotting around the ol' diamond and you could get a sarsaparilla and a trolley ticket for 25 cents, doesn't mean that it's wrong. And just as the speed and strength of players and technological advancements have resulted in instant replay, so to have gradual changes necessitated the wild card. The fact of the matter is, there's more teams than there were back in the old days and more fan bases that need reason to leave their home and 50 inch HD flat screen to plunk down extraordinary prices at their local stadium. Bob Costas and Michael Kay might think that letting more than 2 teams into the post season is heresy, but Major League Baseball is a business, and as a business they can't afford to lose 90% of their audience that knows they have no chance at a playoff berth by mid summer. It might make the pennant race in Boston and New York a little more tense and exciting, but since when did the rest of the country care about them?

It's not like the all inclusive system in the NBA (everyone's a winner!) where you have to be truly awful not to qualify for the playoffs. We're still talking about 8 teams out of 30 that are playing in October every season. It's easy for Michael Kay or some of the older writers and broadcasters that work at a national level to bash the Wild Card system. The Yankees are in it every year, as are most of the other big market teams (except the Dodgers). I like the fact that there's some hope in Milwaukee and wherever else every season. Kay followed the above exchange up by repeating a Bob Costas anecdote. If there was a Wild card back when Bobby Thomson hit the so-called "shot heard 'round the world", we would have heard "The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!...and the Dodgers win the wild card". It's a funny line but truthfully, if the rules were the same now as they were then, no one would care about a Red Sox-Orioles or Cardinals-Astros game this week. And the old men would sleep soundly knowing that everything had stayed the same.

Haters Unite! The Joys of Rooting against Boston

PTU's hatred of Boston is well documented. Hater J leads the pack with the most unbridled feelings of hate for Bahston with Mr. D not far behind. Lately, I've come to the realization that I too hate Boston more than previously thought possible. Boston hate is kind of in vogue these days, but we here at PTU don't hate because it's trendy. No sir, we've hated New England since Brady was a back up in Michigan and Kevin Garnett was still respected. I won't even eat Boston cream donuts or watch reruns of Cheers (but I do eat New England clam chowder, I'm not an animal). Ask Hater J his opinion of Good Will Hunting and he'll spit in your face. Yeah, we don't like Boston.

So it brings us great pleasure to witness the recent Red Sox slide. While I might have picked Adrian Gonzalez as my MVP and predicted the Sox would easily run away with the division not long ago, this is one time that I am glad to be proved wrong. The Red Sox are on the verge of a historic collapse and being the true haters that we are, it brings us almost as much joy to see the entire city of Boston considering a mass suicide in the Charles River as it does seeing the Yankees cruising to a division title. After tonight's gutsy play by my Tampa Bay Rays (including a triple play) to top the Yanks and a closer than it should have been game in Camden yards, the Sox and Rays are all tied up heading into game 162. The sign of a true hater is the fact that the misfortune of your rival gives you more pleasure than the success of the team you root for and that is most definitely the case here. I've never rooted this hard against the Yankees (it feels a little wrong but whatever). I have a feeling that the Sox will somehow pull this out but all of us at PTU will have our fingers crossed that they don't. In the meantime, I hope Ben Affleck, Mark Wahlberg, fucking Jim from the Office and whoever else is shitting their shorts over the prospect of their season ending in Baltimore on a Nick Markakis' base hit.

Let's go O's!