Hats Off! Cowboys Fans Are The Worst People In the World

PTU's very own expert on all things snooty was at the wild Jets season opener Sunday. The game had it all: 4th quarter comebacks from double digit deficits, crazy game changing blocked punts returned for touchdowns, celebrities galore (the Jets are clearly the hot team in NY now for front running celebrities), Usher and if that's not enough, this was the 9/11 memorial game so there was even more importance placed on the contest than usual. Everyone was feeling pretty patriotic Sunday, except for one dickhead in a Cowboys jersey (and I don't mean Tony Romo).

By now, you may have seen the video of the brawl that took place in the stands on Sunday, and at first glance it seems like an ordinary Jets game. Liquored up civil service workers stomping each other after 12 hours of downing Coors lights and Jack Daniels in the parking lot. Ho hum. But, as more details emerged, we've all come to realize that there was much more to the story. For starters, that was a Jets fan getting the worst of the fracas from a 'Boys fan, and it's not a fist or even a bottle that's doing the most damage, it's a taser! (the fact that some asshole could easily slip a stun gun into the game on the most high security day of the year has caused a bit of controversy). And that's not just any old Jets fan from Massapequa getting tased, bro. It's a U.S. marine. It turns out, the fight was started over a matter of patriotism (or lack thereof). The un patriotic Cowboys fan refused to remove his hat or even stand for the Star Spangled banner, an offense that I've seen spark fights in mid April Yankee games, never mind the anniversary of the worst day in American history. The plot thickens (or gets stupider) as we now learn that the guy in question is the father of New York radio personality and Wendy Williams lackey Charlamagne tha God (that's really his name). C the G explains that his pops is a Jehovah's witness and therefore doesn't acknowledge our national anthem. I know they don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas and Michael Jackson grew up as one so they're definitely weird, but I didn't know about the Abdul Rauf aspect of the religion. Either way, no matter his religious affiliation, we do know of one allegiance that is proof that he's an idiot with no moral values: he's a Cowboys fan.

I'm sure there's a couple nice Cowboys fans out there, maybe someone who was born in Dallas that isn't an unbearable loudmouth, but for the most part, Cowboys fans are assholes. You've seen the guys that pack your local NEW YORK CITY bar to root for their boys. Depending on their age, they chose the blue and silver during their 90's dynasty or latched on to them during one of their other winning years, but regardless of when they chose to align themselves with the devil (Jerry Jones), the fact is they are terrible people. We shouldn't be surprised at the behavior of this guy at the game on Sunday. He was simply fulfilling his destiny as a member of the worst people in the world. How 'bout them Cowboys?

Stupid Hipsters Can't Camp Out In Bushwick Anymore

The Brooklyn Paper brings us the wonderful tale of the Bushwick Project for the Arts. Over a year ago, a bunch of pioneers decided to move into an abandoned factory and then rent out run down mobile homes stationed in an adjacent parking lot. The factory loft featured a stage, an illegal word working shop, shared bathrooms that look like they house disease, and random bicycles. According to the the fire department and the NYC department of buildings, this creative mecca violates both zoning laws and features electrical work that is not up to code. Apparently someone forgot to tell these kids that you can't just move into a  building zoned for factory use and then rent it out to a bunch of your friends.

Recently, a bunch of "residents" thought it was a good idea to move their trailers to a lot owned by the LIRR, until they LIRR promptly towed their shit and left it out in the street. Now these people are threatening to sue the LIRR for "damaging our recycled mobile homes" and claim "we will figure some way to get this up to code".

Please stop camping in Brooklyn, there is no place for trailer parks next to a factory in NYC.

PTU Old Man Rant: What is Wrong With These People

I was reading the NYTimes today when I came across something interesting in the real estate section. It had a link to a blog called "Urbanbaby.Com", a place where cool hipster parents can get together to talk about their new strollers and how to buy their kids into the best pre-K class. The article referred to the post you can find here.

"I want to say thank you to all of you. I posted a few weeks ago about my guilt around having my family subsidize my life by giving me enough money to buy a new larger apartment in Manhattan. I always wondered what friends or colleagues secretly thought but by hearing from anon strangers who had no need to "be nice" I realized that people don't think less of me (I do work and we pay our monthly bills) and I should shut up and enjoy it. It has been genuinely more liberating for me than years of therapy, so THANK YOU UBERS!!!!"


Are you serious that you need this level of acceptance and confirmation of your lifestyle? Is it not enough that mommy and daddy support your 40 year old ass and your family so you can have a big apartment to show off to you friends? Now you need your fellow yupsters to validate your lifestyle?

Listen, I know a lot of people who may have had some help from their parents, but they just appreciate this and enjoy life. Only an insecure loser would take money from mommy and daddy and then beg for validation on a yuppie website.

Stop embarrassing yourself and grow a set of balls like previous generations of Americans.

PTU Dog House

One of the great things about sports is the way that it can showcase man kinds' talents and physical capabilities that we had no idea existed. Professional athletes can amaze us with their ability to do what seems impossible.

Then there are these assholes.

The PTU dog house is reserved for the lowest of the lows, the players who make us want to throw up every time we see an old highlight of theirs, the ones who drove you to curse at television sets and question the sanity of coaches who continued to play them night after night despite how awful they were. And the ones who just plain sucked on NY's big stage.

We're not going to focus on the guys who came here at the tail end of their careers (Penny, Steve Francis, Pudge Rodriguez). They have an excuse for struggling. Those who gain entry to the PTU dog house are the players and coaches who we love to hate because they might have made it anywhere but they just couldn't make it here.

So, the inaugural member of the PTU dog house is none other than:
CARL PAVANO


Pavano is a prime example of the athlete who can thrive in a small market but was terrible in New York. One of Steinbrenner's "If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em" acquisitions, following Carl's stellar performance against the Yanks in the '03 series (then an 18-8 season the next year) he signed a hefty $39.95 mil contract with the pinstripes. Big things were expected of Carl, but the dreams of his becoming an ace in NY were short-lived. Injury after injury shelved the righthander including the infamous Porsche crash in 06. If there weren't already enough reasons for New York sports fans to think of Carl as a free-loading bum, then injuring yourself while driving your Maxim model girlfriend in your Porsche sealed the deal.

It got so bad for Pavano, that even mild-mannered Mike Mussina called him out as a bad teammate and questioned his desire to be a Yankee. Joe Torre also spent a good deal of his controversial book basically calling Pavano a cancer in the locker room.

Eventually, Carl "15-day" Pavano found his way to the small market Twins and has since become what the Yankees hoped he could have been for them, winning 18 games and showing that he actually has good stuff. However, his utter awfulness in New York has landed him in the PTU dog house forever.

Carl, you suck.

Stupid Hipsters Get Tickets For Drinking Beer at "Art Gallery" in Bushwick

Cops bust Bushwick art space … for beer at opening!

A recent article in the Brooklyn Paper featured a story about whiny hipsters complaining about getting tickets for drinking beer in their "Art Space". Usually I don't like stories about police busting balls over people having a beer, but if you look at the picture you'll see why this is entertaining (always make sure you wear a wool hat or hood when indoors).

Here is to you NYPD, good job!

UPDATE: Bottle, this one is for you...pure ART!

Pick The Perp

Click Here To Play Pick The Perp Game



Came across this website which seems to share some common themes with our blog. If you click on the link above, you'll get to play a game where they name the crime and you pick who the correct perp is from the line-up. These are actual mugshots available from public records.

At first glance this may seem like some type of awful website that would offend a lot of people. I'm actually going to say this game promotes tolerance and proves that you can't judge a perp by how they look. You might be convinced that the bald old guy with the beady eyes is the sex offender only to be surprised that it is the lady that looks like an elementary school teacher.... This site is a great way to promote tolerance and understanding.

The Naked Cowboy is a douche

http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/entertainment&id=7958871

Hey Naked Cowboy, stop suing people. Can no one ever wear a cowboy hat and boots and play the guitar? Can I trademark the phrase "I hate the Naked Cowboy"? So every time someone utters that phrase I'll get paid. Asshole.

Worst NYC Sport Villain Ever

No real words needed just a picture will get the job done