Happy Birfday, Nas: Top 5 Nas Songs Not On Illmatic

Jay-z once rapped that people in Brooklyn "argue all day about who's the best M.C., Biggie, Jay-z or Nas". It's a debate that will never end for rap fans. Not counting Biggie, who most people revere in Brooklyn like he invented pizza by the slice, it's really a 2 man race. Most people who know what "the purple tape" is will rate Nas and Jay-z 1 and 2 in varying order depending on their personal tastes. Being proud Brooklynites, most of PTU will probably rank Jigga slightly ahead of Esco, despite those silly nicknames, but the debate will never end. Personally, I think Nas is a more skilled rapper than Jay, but Jay's had a better career. Kind of like LeBron is more skilled than Kobe, but that doesn't mean he's a better player (at least not yet). Nas might be the best lyricist EVER, but for whatever reason he hasn't been able to put everything together consistently. His beat selection is a little off, and he can come off at best preachy and worst corny. This isn't to say he hasn't put out classic songs throughout his 20 year career. If we were to honestly put out a top 10 Nas list it would just be "Illmatic" but he's had some other gems aside from his epic debut. In honor of the little homies 39th birthday (good God, we're getting old) here's a few of my favorites post Illmatic:

5) Locomotive ft. Large Professor (Life is Good)

Yes, one of Nas's five best ever songs was on his most recent album. Part of my obsession with this track might be nostalgia for classic era hip hop (Nas even shouts out his "trapped in the 90s niggas" a couple times at the end), and another part is my lowered expectations for anything Nas has released for the past, oh, 15 years. But that doesn't take away from the fact that this is just a really, really good song.

4) Undying Love (I Am)

Remember how I said Nas might be the best lyricist in rap history? One aspect of his lyrical ablities that's a little under rated is his story telling, which is really, really good. Case in point the last track on the otherwise dissapointing I Am (the one with Nas looking like a Sphinx on the cover). Maybe the most vivid story I've heard on a rap song (even more than Story to Tell), Undying Love finds Nas coming home from Vegas to propose to his girl, only to find that he's been cuckolded by some poor fool. The last verse finds Nas and his Braveheart buddies (the subtle detail of Horse getting his foot stuck in the door is great) shooting it out with the cops before accidentally shooting his girlfriend and turning the gun on himself. "Now unto God we elope" is something you'll never hear in a 2 Chainz song. The racist cop finding their bodies at the very end is also a nice subtle touch. Great song.

3) I Gave You Power (It Was Written)

Another example of Nas's fine storytelling abilities. The whole "inanimate object personification" thing has been done to death in hip hop, usually involving someone rapping about a gun or weed as their woman (see Me and My Girlfriend by Tupac or Mary Jane by Scarface or a million other fucking songs). In 1996, though, this was still a pretty radical concept. Supposedly Nas didn't really want to do this, thinking it was a little too artsy for the mid 90s rap crowd that didn't listen to Organized Konfusion, but he eventually did it, and it's a classic track. Also featuring one of the least DJ Premierish DJ Premier beats (no scratched chorus for starters), this is a standout track on Nas's sophomore album.

2) Phone Tap (The Firm)

Nas, AZ, Foxy Brown and a couple other Queens and Brooklyn rappers joined forces with Dr Dre to create The Firm. They made an album in the late 90s that is widely considered a flop, mostly because Dr. Dre himself famously rapped that it was on a song most likely written by Eminem. Also, it was a bit dissapointing commercially and critically. As always, blame for a rap album flopping falls squarely and unfairly on the record label's shoulders. They probably shouldn't have released the awful Firm Biz as the first single and instead went with Phone Tap, which is a classic. The Dre beat on this is so great that it was a hit song for Carl Thomas about a year later.

1) The Message (It Was Written)

As previously mentioned, Illmatic is worshipped by rap fans, and even some people who aren't that into rap. A follow up was bound to fail, or at least come as somewhat of a dissapointment. However, the first real track on this destined to fail sophomore album starts out very promisingly. Built around a Sting sample, Nas spits quotable after quotable. "A thug changes, and love changes, and best friends become strangers" will probably be on the tombstone of millions of people over this next century and if not then it should be.

Honorable Mention: Affirmative Action ft. The Firm (It Was Written)

I have trouble even calling this one a Nas song since it's a posse cut in the truest sense of the term but I'd hate myself if I didn't mention Affirmative Action. "Life's a bitch but God forbid the bitch divorce me, I'll be flooded with ice so hell fire can't scorch me". C'mon now, Nas.

Other Honorable Mentions: A Favor for A Favor ft. Scarface (I Am) (Motown Marxist's Favorite), Ether (Stillmatic), Street's Disciple (Street's Disciple), The World Is An Addiction (Life Is Good), Nas is Like (I Am), You're the Man (Stillmatic)

Nicki Minaj Is Not Voting For Romney so Shut Up

Motown Marxist's math student, Nicki Minaj recently caused a little bit of controversy with a line she rapped on Lil Wayne's underwhelming Dedication 4 mixtape that was released on Labor Day. Nicki rapped "I'm a republican voting for Mitt Romney, you lazy bitches are ruining the economy". This is a fairly benign line, especially when compared to the rest of the mixtape that (as usual) deals with pussy, guns, and more pussy (Wayne raps about pussy a LOT. Me thinks the man who has kissed men on tape and spent most of his late 20s in prison doth protest too much). It's actually a smarter line than you might think at first glance. As a punchline of sorts, it at least assumes that the listener knows a) lazy people are a danger to an economy's well-being and b) Romney is the alleged economy candidate. Doesn't seem like much to get worked up over. But apparently, hip hop fans are dumber than you thought. A lot of people lost their shit over this, and numerous media outlets (including the New York Daily News) reported Nicki's endorsement of Romney as if she held a press conference and formally announced her support like she's an ex-President or something. There's so much that is stupid about this I don't know where to start, but how about....

it's a rap song you idiots???? Do you believe everything you hear a rapper say in song as gospel? Next week's breaking story will be that Pablo Escobar owes Rick Ross a hundred favors. Cam'Ron has a cocaine buffet in his house and a fountain that sprays out Mountain Dew. DMX kills people and then has sex with their bodies. Eminem not only murdered his ex-wife, he also killed her new husband and son, as well as murdered Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Dakota Fanning. Obama might think twice about telling every young voter who will listen that he loves Jay-z because he might not know that Jay admitted to about 374 murders and robberies in his lyrics. Drake sits at home and cries because his girlfriend forgot his birthday, oh wait, that one's true. I know it's a stretch to think that the majority of people who listen to nicki Minaj might understand things like metaphor or poetic license, but a rapper comparing themselves to Republicans is nothing new (Jay-z and Nas, two guys you would never confuse for right wingers, had a song together called Black Republicans), and it's a very standard slick way of saying "I'm rich, and you bitches aren't" which most fans of Nicki should know is her m.o. (I'm not even a fan, and have probably heard less than 15 verses by her in my life yet am well aware of this). This doesn't even factor into account that Miss Minaj was born in Trinidad and might not even be a registered voter or American citizen.

Even if she were voting for Romney, though, who cares? Aside from free speech and all that, would it really make a difference in the election? Despite her massive Twitter following and "barbies" who do everything she says, I doubt Nicki Minaj fans will be moved to vote for Romney just because of one throwaway line on a mixtape. The idea that this makes her a bad influence is also ridiculous. After all, she starts that same verse with "Drop it to the floor, make that dick shake" which isn't a tremendously positive role model for children. She also has rapped in the past about "eating people's brains". I am not absolutely positive of her position on brain eating, but again who actually listens to lyrics anyway?

NEW Kanye West Mercy Video

Say what you want about Kanye West. He's an attention seeking prick, he dresses funny, he's generally an asshole...oh wait, that's LeBron. Well, there's a lot of stuff you could say about Yeezy too, but one thing you can't take away from him is he at least tries to be original and make bold music and videos. I wasn't feeling Mercy all that much at first but it definitely grew on me. It's kind of scary sounding in a weird, menacing sort of way and the video matches that sound I think. I picture more girls and drugs when I hear this but you can probably find that in other videos.

PTU Classics: The Greatest Rapper Of All Time Died on March 9th?

Today is March 9th, a day that will live in infamy for most rap fans as it marks the anniversary of the untimely death of the one and only Notorious B.I.G. I couldn't tell you the date of Tupac's death, or even Martin Luther King Jr.'s or JFK's to be honest. But thanks to Canibus, we'll always remember that the "greatest rapper of all time died on March 9th". Was he really the greatest though? Let's turn back the clock to a year ago today and look at one of our most controversial posts.

What I'm going to say may hurt people, it might be seen as bordering on blasphemy (particularly coming from a Brooklyn guy).Let me preface what I'm about to say by first letting it be known that I love Biggie. I grew up listening to him, he was a ridiculously talented and charismatic dude, I love that he represented Brooklyn at all times, and he definitely cemented his place in music history as one of the greatest rappers of all time. But I wouldn't say he is THE greatest of all time.

Before you all x out PTU and go straight to ESPN.com or leave comments saying how I'm an idiot who knows nothing about rap, consider what it takes to be called the greatest at anything. Let's compare it to a sports career (as I do so often with music). A hall of fame career (never mind being called the greatest of all time) would require at least 9 or 10 years of sustained greatness coupled with dominance at your position in each season. This is probably my biggest issue with labeling the black Frank White as the greatest. His career only lasted 4 years (really) with only 2 albums. Great, classic albums but still, only 2. While my father would tell anyone who will listen that Drazen Petrovic could shoot better than 95% of the NBA today, no one else would say he is the greatest shooter of all time. There's just not enough of a career there to support that claim. Same for Big.

If we look at Biggie from a technical standpoint, the claim of greatest of all time is also suspect. Lyrically and flow wise he could go toe to toe with any rapper, but off the top of my head I could think of at least 3 rappers who were or are probably more skilled lyricists (Nas, Kool G Rap, Eminem, I could name more).

So why do most rap fans and critics immediately place Biggie at the top? For starters, there's always the risk of over rating the dead. James Dean was a great actor, but his talent is really overshadowed by his lifestyle and untimely death. Same goes for 2pac, River Phoenix and Heath Ledger. Maybe you could throw Jimi Hendrix in that conversation too. When you lose someone before they really reached their potential, people want to believe that their best work was yet to come. Who knows what would have happened had Biggie lived to 40? There was a huge backlash against the versace and jewelry flossing rappers in the late 90s and Biggie might have caught some of that had he lived to see it.

The real reason that we'll always love Big Poppa, and have crowned him king might be that he represents a time in most rap listeners' lives. The mid 90s when hip hop was in its prime (the golden age in my opinion) and it seemed like it would only get better. Biggie was this (as he said himself) fat, black and ugly dude who still got chicks and could rap circles around the competition. Then he was shot over who knows what by who knows. It doesn't seem fair. It doesn't matter that he only had 2 albums or he wasn't technically the best rapper. He did his thing for a couple years and then he was gone at the age that most of us were just moving out of our parents houses. It's not fair so we call him the greatest. And I guess if he means that much to people then he is their greatest and that's really all that counts. RIP B.I.G.

Some Thoughts on The 2012 Grammys

Let's just get out of the way right from the top here the fact that awards shows are inherently ridiculous. They're a big waste of time and amount to not much more than a collective jerk off by whatever industry is being celebrated. But last night was a slow TV night (first post football Sunday, the Knicks were off and I don't watch The Walking Dead) so I watched the majority of Sunday night's Grammys. And it was as stupid and occasionally entertaining as I thought it would be. What did we learn?

• Bruce Springsteen's new single was exactly what you expect from the "Boss" (sorry Rick Ross). Last night was the first time I heard it but the lyrics seemed to mostly be the same stuff he always talks about. Americans, hard working working class people, flags, diners, trucks (I didn't pay attention too much). I still get a kick out of seeing Silvio Dante rocking out up there though.




• Rihanna looked like the hottest Tina Turner impersonator in history, and did a song with the always annoying Chris Martin who then did the one Coldplay song I like in what looked like the booth from Big Tigga's basement. Chris Brown performed a couple times and the dude can dance and all that crap but he's still a prick. Nobody hits my girl Ri-Ri. I lose faith in the human race when I read that girls are still into him. I would lick the bottoms of her feet after she stepped in glass.




• Glen Campbell looked pretty good for his age and performed really well for a guy with Alzheimer's. Too bad Rhinestone Cowboy sucks so hard.




• Jay-z and Kanye were conspicuously missing from the entire proceedings. I know Jay was boycotting the Grammys for a while because they didn't show any love to rap and then he lost out best album to "Big Willie Style" one year or something but he performed Swagga Like us a few years ago so I think that's over. Kanye was being typically bitchy about not winning anything last year so maybe it was a show of solidarity between the two to skip it. But as much of a turd as Kanye can be, you know an awards show isn't the same without his dumb ass threatening to do something stupid. UPDATE: It's now come out that Hov and B were just hanging out with Bottle in Carroll Gardens eating pizza instead of going to the Grammys.




• The Foo Fighters did "Rope" which was the single from their last album and was probably my favorite track off of it, and then Deadmau5 did their remix of it that appeared on that same album. It was all ok. I'm so sick of hip hop that I've been getting into Dubstep lately ( also thanks to Motown Marxist). Skrillex makes me want to do ecstasy and punch someone in the face.




• Nikki Minaj had the most talked and tweeted about moment of the night, doing some faux Lady Gaga blasphemy shit. I wasn't really offended by the religious stuff (this is how far we've come since the Like a Prayer video that dared to have Leon play Christ) but the song was what rectal cancer sounds like (I think that priest's look up there says it all). STFU, Nikki. You got a great possibly fake ass and some nice cans and you're probably the second best rapper in your crew, but the black Gaga thing is cool for drag clubs in the West Village, playing gay exorcist on national TV isn't though. It was just meant to be shocking and get talked about (which of course is what I'm doing right now) but it came across as desperate and stupid Catholic League baiting bull shit. As for that second best in your crew title I just gave you, that's not a big deal when your competition are two retarded kids, a sensitive former child actor, a ghoulish creature who wore pajamas on tv last night, and some no name mixtape rappers who never made it, and Busta Rhymes.




• Weight Watchers works.




• LL Cool J was a serviceable, bland host in the style of a Ryan Seacrest or some other boring guy like that. The lip licking thing is too much though. I was thinking of Jamie Foxx's stand up routine as Mr. Smith gave his eulogy for Whitney Houston all the while looking like he was in the Doin' It video.




• The Beach Boys are still pretty good.



• Victor Cruz is everywhere these days. Since the Super Bowl win he's been at Fashion Week's opening night, made numerous talk show appearances, took the first pictures of Blue Ivy, created the Ipad 3, and now scored the best seat in the house at the Grammys: right behind Adele who won everything. He even did a little of his salsa on stage. Cruuuuuuuz.



• Speaking of Adele, she won everything. I think she won best rap album and got a lifetime achievement award for being Willie Nelson but I could be wrong. Good for her, at least she can actually sing and the Grammys proved they aren't totally out of touch by awarding a deserving popular artist instead of The Eagles or Steely Dan or some other baby boomer band that nobody under 30 even knew had an album out.

That's all for me. I missed about an hour or so of the show but from what I gathered on Facebook and from text messages I didn't miss much. See you next time for the similarly pointless Oscars.

Is ASAP Rocky Any Different From Vanilla Ice?

Hip hop trends these days move swiftly and mysteriously. In the past (old man alert) rappers would develop underground followings through hustle and (usually) acquired industry connections via mixtapes from the usual tastemaker djs, most of whom resided in New York, and for the most part based on talent. With the new millenium, came a new breed of rapper and the method of getting buzz went beyond just rapping a freestyle on DJ Clue's monday night show on Hot 97 and landing a song at the end of a Kay Slay tape. 50 Cent ushered in the mixtape era, releasing cds that were more like albums and the trend of rapping new songs over other people's beats. With the presence of the internet growing larger every second, though, a new type of rapper has emerged: One that isn't all that talented but has the type of buzz that used to be reserved for underground beasts who tore up every guest appearance or radio freestyle they touched (think Canibus or DMX). Enter a 21 year old kid from Harlem with a Texas fetish named ASAP Rocky.

ASAP, not at all to be confused with mumbly white people rapper Aesop Rock, is probably the most talked about new rapper out, and just this past Monday released his first highly anticipated mixtape to mostly positive reviews and internet drooling. He pretty much came out of nowhere, appearing sporadically on the rap blogs and Pitchfork since this spring. Mysteriously dropping a video or mp3, mostly inspiring people to say "who's this kid from Harlem that raps like Lil Flip?". And I'll admit, I kind of dig his music. The beats are ambient, drugged out stuff that i like and he's a decent enough southern rapper, but the one thing that I can't get past as I listen to LiveLoveASAP is this kid is a fraud. If we call out people like Vanilla Ice or any of the other rappers who are found to be living a lie, why not this guy? Being a white person who acts black is one of the most ridiculed characters in existence, mostly due to the idea that it's someone trying to be something they're not in order to look cool. The word poser comes to mind. ASAP admits he loves Texas although HE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE. He just knows what he sees on tv in rap videos and hears in the sizzurp soaked UGK albums. Sound familiar? . Rick Ross gets lampooned by many rap fans for his former life as corrections officer, and rightfully so, but is that so much different than a dude from Harlem who's never been in the state of Texas that imitates the drawling sound of someone who was born in Port Arthur? One difference might be that ASAP isn't intentionally deceiving anyone. He says he's from Harlem pretty much on every track but he's still adopted a persona that is not authentic to who he is as a person. Hip hop used to be a culture that valued authenticity over anything else. Remember keeping it real (the real term not PTU's adopted version of drunken athletes with crappy cars)? I'll admit I'm a little biased since New York isn't the center of the hiphop world anymore, and the death of regionalism has always been a pet peeve of most of us at PTU. I know I sound 1000 years old but the ascension of the internet and social networks as the primary means of communication and entertainment for the youth these days is to blame for kids who grew up in New York that root for the Patriots and rappers that were born in Harlem that pretend to be from down south. We live in a global village where you can pick and choose what area you want dress like, sound like, and what teams to root for regardless of your actual hometown. I'm not saying that's wrong, really, but if we're going to clown Vanilla Ice and Rick Ross for living a lie what about the fake country boy and his styrofoam cup of lean, ASAP?

Johnny Bagel's Top 5 Eminem Verses

Hey, there was a time when Eminem didn't suck balls. No, you say? He always rapped like he was in a contest to see who could fit the most stupid puns in a 16 bar verse? Not so. Even though today he raps like a 7 year old girl who's hair is being set on fire (or something like that) there was a solid 7 or 8 year period where Marshall was the coldest dude to pick up a microphone, regardless of color. In honor of Mr Shady's 39th birthday (damn, he's getting old to be rapping about poop), here's Johnny Bagel's top 5 Eminem verses from when he was still blond and wasn't unlistenable.



5) Brain Damage Third Verse (The Slim Shady LP)

A long time ago when I was a young Bagels, a hip friend of mine in my high school gave me a cassette tape with a recorded over children's album. What was recorded over it was Eminem's Slim Shady EP which featured Just Don't Give a Fuck, 97 Bonnie and Clyde and also Brain Damage. Thinking this was just some goofy white underground rapper, I didn't pay him much mind until about a month later when "My Name Is" was number one on TRL and I felt like an idiot. The third verse here is an example of an extremely underrated aspect of Em's rap repertoire, that is his storytelling abilities. Also the only known recording of someone rhyming "4 inch screws" with "orange juice". Good stuff.

4) Hellbound/radio freestyle (Game Over Compilation)

Hellbound was a Soulblade sampling song off of the Game Over compilation of the late 90s that featured Masta Ace, J Black and an Eminem freestyle grafted onto the beginning. Most of these copy and paste remixes come off at best clunky and at worst terrible but this one worked so well I thought Em was in the studio recording his ridiculous verse with the rest of the guys. Probably the best first line to an Eminem verse ever:

"I'll puke, eat it and freak you. Battle? I'm too weeded to speak to. The only key that I see to defeat you would be to remove these two Adidas and beat you and force feed you 'em both and on each feet is a cleat shoe".

Vicious.

3) Lose Yourself Third Verse (8 Mile Soundtrack)

Something about Eminem's third verses. Guess he likes to finish up strong, and the last verse on this Oscar winning joint was maybe the most perfect rap verse ever. That doesn't mean it's my number one but technically it's pretty flawless. It's since become a staple at sporting events and TV commercials and your mom probably knows the chorus by heart but at first listen this was a freaking monster.

2) Bad Meets Evil All Verses (Slim Shady LP)

There's been a growing trend lately of aging rappers releasing joint albums together. The catch 22 of this phenomenon is that most of these guys were too busy and/or full of themselves to consider doing these types of group efforts when they were in their prime resulting in over the hill emcees trying to stay relevant by pooling their diminished talents. This past year has seen collaborative LP's from geriatric rappers Method Man, Ghostface and Raekwon, Smiff n Wessun and Pete Rock, Jay Z and Kanye West...wait a minute, that was good. Anyway, the point is there's a plethora of rap album team-ups that would have been any 90s rap fan's wet dream. If they were released in the 90s, that is. Maybe the most glaring example of old rappers releasing an album 10 years too late is Bad Meets Evil or Slim Shady and Royce the 5'9" who earlier this year put out an album that I've listened to maybe once in the past 6 months (besides that sappy Bruno Mars single which I've listened to unintentionally 800 times). It's a shame since these two used to make classics like this.

"I don't speak. I float in the air wrapped in a sheet. I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat".

Sheesh.

1) Renegade: First and Second Verse (The Blueprint)

A verse so ridiculous that the title of the song it comes from has entered blog parlance (to "renegade" someone is to murder someone on their own song in your guest spot as Nas rightfully pointed out). It's easy to miss the brilliance of Em's verse here since it's so seamlessly perfect. For fun, just keep track of his rhyme scheme in both verses (and I couldn't pick one of these verses so listen to them both). There's not one slip up. And unlike some later Eminem verses, it all makes sense. It's not just "words put together just to match" as the outshined Hov has said elsewhere. The craziest part about Eminem's performance here though: he's rewritten history. Most unbiased hip hop fans will tell you that Jay-z's verses on this song sucked, when in reality these might be the two best, most intricate verses he spit on the entire Blueprint album (an album some consider his best ever). But in comparison he sounds like a bum. Unfortunately, Em never reached these heights consistently throughout his career. But he'll always have these two verses as evidence of what an absolute beast the drug addicted Marshall Mathers could be.

Dr Dre Is A Scum Bag

And now if you would allow me to rant for a second, I have something I need to get off my chest: Dr. Dre is the most over rated dirtbag scam artist in the music business. Yeah, I loved a lot of his music, dating all the way back to the NWA days, then to the G-funk era of The Chronic and Doggystyle to his dominance of the late 90s and early 2000s with The Chronic 2001 and the stuff with Eminem and 50 cent. But Andre's biggest financial success has also been the single biggest scam of the 21st century: the Beats by Dre headphones.

These flimsy piece of shit headphones have basically taken over the market, just take a look around you next time you're on the subway or at the gym. How every high school age kid and welfare recipient in New York can afford 300 dollar headphones is a question for the ages, but they make it happen. And it's not just the hood. If you're a reclusive hermit type just turn on ESPN and see all the athletes from LeBron to Kobe to the last guy on the Red Bulls' bench (they're a soccer team) walking to and from the team bus with the distinctive red B sticking out of their ears. Guess what? They've all been fooled! Bamboozled and hoodwinked! I, too, had the wool pulled over my eyes. Dre promised me that you couldn't really listen to music without a pair of his headphones so I had to see what all the hype was about. I expected to hear things I'd never heard before. Every note, drum snare and lyric sounding like the whisper of a thousand heavenly angels; music as God had intended. 2 weeks and 170 dollars later I had one working headphone and one blown out left headphone. And those were the least expensive ones in the whole line! Thankfully I spent another 20 dollars on insurance-since that's what you do when making an investment such as this- so I could trade the faulty joints in for another pair. Less than 4 months later these pieces of junk popped again. So I'm saying farewell to Beats by Dre. You've tormented me long enough, Andre. And let's be honest, every beat Dre's made since 2003 has sounded EXACTLY THE SAME. He's been riding those two albums for a 20 year career and somehow he's still looked at as some type of musical God even though a Jewish coke head was responsible for the majority of his instrumental "genius". He got lucky with Eminem (and really how much musical insight do you need to figure out that a ridiculously talented blond guy would be popular?) but most people forget the other 20 or so signings by Aftermath. For every 50 cent and Eminem there's 4 or 5 Joe Beasts and Bishop Lamonts. Those are actual names of rappers (look it up). And if the recent Ronnie from Jersey Shore like pictures and the couple of leaks off the mythical Detox are any indication, Dre's been spending his time sticking steroid needles in his ass instead of crafting classic hip hop records.

So, Dre, you had a nice 10 or 15 year run as a very good producer. You no longer wear glitter and makeup or pretend to be a gang banger, but I hate you and your cheap headphones that you've fooled the world into spending their hard earned money on. And guess what? The 40 dollar Sony headphones I bought today as a quick placeholder between my next purchase sound better than your overpriced garbage. Bose, here I come. Eat a dick, Dre.

R.I.P. R.E.M.

I didn't decide to post about R.E.M.'s break-up simply because R.I.P. R.E.M. is fun to say, but it helped. Still, R.E.M. is one of those legendary bands that deserves some respect, or at least an acknowledgement of their influence. And, for a change, this is a band that started, had their glory days, fell off, made a comeback and broke up all in our lifetime. And without losing anyone to death or addiction. For that alone they should be recognized, but the fact remains they also made some great music. One of the original "college radio" bands, R.E.M. made somewhat wordy, sometimes overly melodramatic albums that appealed to a wide audience but still kept a kind of cool aura about them (not too many bands can be featured in blockbuster movies, The Simpsons and still attract attention from hipster sites like Pitchfork and whatnot). And they've influenced tons of bands from the emo to indie to whatever else scene. They might not have been too relevant for the past 10 years or so, but they did release a decent album not too long ago and that's more than you can say about most bands who came of age during the Reagan era.

PTU salutes R.E.M.

Top 5 Rap Groups of All Time

With the release of Michael Rappaport's much hyped A Tribe Called Quest documentary "Beats, Rhymes and Life", it got us to thinking about the greatest rap groups of all time. Admittedly, this is a tough task, being that one person's definition of "greatest" varies depending on age, race or personal taste in rap music. Speaking for myself, I'm more of a fan of the mid to late '90s New York thug rap sound, but I can't deny that groups like Tribe or De La Soul or any of the other so-called Native Tongues rappers (while I find mostly boring) made a huge impact on hip-hop. Same goes for pioneering old guys like the Cold Crush Bros. or Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. I'm not likely to sit through The Message any time soon, but they'd have to make any top 10 list of rap groups off their legacies alone.

So, in order to dead any confusion, the criteria for this top 5 list is as follows: longevity, individual talents, at least 2 classic albums as a group and impact on hip hop. This would eliminate at least one of my favorite groups (The L.O.X.) since they've been better individually and their impact has been pretty minimal outside of the tri-state, and unfortunately the group who I've seen more often live than any other performer The Beatnuts, since most people only know one song by them. Also left off the list would be the militant Public Enemy due to their only being one talented rapper in the group. Who made the cut then?

5) Beastie Boys

Say what you want about the three Jews, but they've been around for FOREVER and still release relevant albums, which is more than you can say about any group on the original Def Jam roster or really any rapper from the 80s period (LL hasn't had an album that anyone paid attention to since he was dissing Canibus). Most of their longevity is due to the fact that they've changed their musical styles more than Madonna, but still retain their core appeal: that is, three mediocre at best rhymers yelling out nonsense over funky beats. They've gone from goofy, party animal, ironic frat boy types rapping over ACDC samples and 808 drums to funky beat digging Political activists, to Hip hop culture reviving old men with tons of famous, funny cool friends.

4) Mobb Deep

The only thing keeping the two diminutive Queensbridge dudes from being higher on this list is the fact that Prodigy has royally SUCKED for the past 8 or so years, but off the strength of their first 3 albums alone, they've had more of an impact than most rap groups who were in the game for 25 years. Alongside that group pictured at the top of the post, Mobb Deep revolutionized the rap sound in the mid 90s. Havoc's beats sound like a cold New York winter more than any other musical act (in my opinion) and Prodigy's voice and style paved the way for the generation of no frills thug rap that dominated East Coast rap for the next decade.

3) Run DMC

While losing a point or 2 for a lack of longevity (their albums are fun to listen to still, but definitely sound dated) the Hollis, Queens trio did more than enough in their 7 or 8 years of dominance to warrant a place among rap group royalty (or at least this silly list). Besides popularizing a couple of fashion trends, Run DMC were really the first cross-over rap stars. Alongside the number 5 group on this list, they embarked on a world-wide stadium tour that was a first for the young genre that wasn't really taken very seriously at the time. They also are responsible for introducing the sometimes great, often annoying, rap-rock sub genre of music with their rock record sampling hits and their duet and very literal video with Aerosmith.

2) NWA

The sum of their parts was even better than the group as a whole (at least as far as classic albums go), but perhaps no other group has been as influential introducing the gangsta rap that would be in the DNA of every rapper that followed, for better or worse. Even the tissue softest, singing pop rapper today says "bitch" and "nigga" and other once scary to white people words like it's second nature, and they can thank NWA for that. While most groups have a couple weak links weighing them down, even NWA's worst rapper, MC Ren could rap circles around some of the other chumps who take up space in lesser rap groups. Besides Ren, the other members are practically a Mt. Rushmore of West Coast Gangsta rap. Dr. Dre is probably the most universally loved rap producer alive, Eazy E is somewhat of a legend in death, and Ice Cube (though better known as an actor now) was the baddest mother to rock a microphone in the early 90s. Prompting federal investigations, nation wide protest, and numerous parodies and copy cats, NWA are the most influential rap group of all time and second only to.....

1) Wu-Tang Clan

I'll admit, I'm a bit biased. Bottle can tell you, I once told someone I only listen to Wu-Tang in answer to what type of music I listen to. That may be a little creepy, but it's not too far-fetched that somebody could only listen to CD's that had that W on them and be satisfied. Other groups had a sound, but not like Wu-Tang. When you heard a Wu affiliated album, you knew exactly that that's what you were listening to: movie samples (in particular karate flicks), chopped up soul samples, heavy bass, and somewhat indecipherable lyrics. Even if they were some times hard to understand, they spit enough straight forward stuff to influence a generation of biters (shark ni$%as to hear Ghostface tell it). Every rapper in the 9 (sometimes 10) man crew could rap (even last man on the bench Cappadonna had a couple classic verses), and for a 4 or 5 year period, every album released through the Wu-Tang imprint was a success, commercially and critically. The Wu made dark, weird records hugely profitable. This was a time before the so-called "bling" or shiny suit era (which although it is constantly ridiculed and bad-mouthed, I think still turned out some great music) when scary sounding, karate movie sampling, sometimes chorusless songs could dominate radio. Most of these guys are still churning out albums, but sound like the old guy who still buys the newest Jordans every week and uses words like "swagger". We'll always have the classics though.

RIP RXP: They Don't Wanna Rock

New York radio station 101.9 (RXP) announced this week that they will be changing formats beginning next week, switching from it's current format of "alternative" rock music to 24 hours of news aimed at 40 year old women (?). With that, there are (once again) no modern rock stations in New York, the biggest market in the country. What are we left with?

• Z-100 and KTU- the dominant radio stations in New York, that basically play whatever 14 year old girls listen to.
• Hot 97 and Power 105- that mostly plays southern rap that talks about cocaine.
• Q104- that plays the same Pink Floyd and Creedence Clearwater songs on a loop for the past 40 years.
• Lite FM-the soundtrack at any dentist's office.
• Mega and La Calle- Spanish stations that are usually played in bodegas.
• QXR- The classical music station that is played at certain Asian tailors and dry cleaners.
• Conservative talk radio- the majority of AM stations are further to the right than Joseph McCarthy.
• ESPN and WFAN- Sports radio that your dad listens to in the car.
• Kiss FM- Station that older black folk listen to who don't like cocaine (at least don't like people rapping about selling it).

What's missing from that vast, sad musical landscape? Rock n roll, of course (or at least modern rock, unless your idea of "modern" is whenever Slippery When Wet was released). Since Howard Stern decided he didn't want to have his naughty words bleeped out, thereby taking down KROCK with him, there's been a rocking void in our city. KROCK wasn't all that great but at least you could turn it on at some point and maybe hear a Nirvana song or the occasional Tool song that you don't mind that much, but RXP was more like a cool ipod. It's without a doubt the only station around here that played Arcade Fire and Pixies records on a regular basis, as well as being a legitimate station for underground and unsigned bands to get some shine. They recently played my cousin's very good up and coming band (shameless plug) Last Stand for Lucy's singles, and I'm pretty sure that won't happen on Elvis Durant's show any time soon. Besides the more hip stuff that you could find on one of those college radio indie shows, though, RXP also wasn't afraid to have unhip bands on their playlists. I attended a Weezer show in December sponsored by the station and hosted by bald music geek Matt Pinfield, and that's the type of band that you won't see at Jingle Ball but are also past their hipness expiration date for those other cool stations. On any given hour, you could hear Pearl Jam followed by The Cars, and then some Gogol Bordello right after that. I guess anyone could get that on Pandora or through their I pod jack, but there's something about turning on a radio in your car or at home that's unlike just listening to your own self-tailored digital playlist. Unfortunately, the kids don't want to rock anymore, so New York is robbed of rock radio yet again. Turn up that Michael Savage.

RIP RXP

Going Gaga

Trendy tunes aside, this whole trend of wearing a garbage bag in the shape of a duck is testing my nerves.

Where did you go to fashion school, Lady Gaga?

Who gave you a license to plagiarize, Nikki Minaj?

Even when Madonna rode in on her mighty steed from Michigan with a bad men’s haircut, 2 bucks, and shoulder pads, it was annoying.

I mean, I get it. You want to express yourself. But why should your self expression interfere with my blood pressure? In other words: I’m entitled to my opinion, and here it is: Stop wearing garbage claiming it is Art. It is not Art, it is Triteness. Albeit opportunistic, it’s the furthest thing from creativity that I’ve seen since Milli Vanilli.

Allow me to detract a moment from fashion and creativity (not so much the later) to talk about how Pop stars, in particular self described creative and strong women, use the gay community to their benefit.

The gay community has traditionally been loaded with creative and strong willed people. It has also generally been an oppressed minority throughout history. My take is that this very community is tapped by the likes of Cher, Madonna, Lady Gaga, etc. for their creative know-how. Heck, it even provides a scapegoat for when things go bad – a network of outcast you can turn to for support when the shit hits the fan, rather when your hits turn to shit and your fans flock to buy next big thing. And the gay community is more than willing to accept these types among there ranks to bring awareness and notoriety to their (sometimes) out-casted club.

I’m no RuPaul, but even I know when the gay community is being exploited in these situations. LIKE RuPaul though ~I gotta WORK~. PEACE! M-M out…

Who's Going to Win American Idol? Probably Not The Winner

America has found a cause that can bring it's citizens together to protest in outrage. Howard Beach's own Pia Toscano was (most people will tell you) prematurely ousted from the list of contestants on this season of American Idol. Sobbing pre-teen girls met Pia outside of her recent taping of Regis and Kelly, and millions of concerned people everywhere lamented the horrible misjudgment of the American people. I wouldn't feel too bad for Toscano, though, if history has taught us anything, then she's well on her way to superstardom. The actual winner of the competition has had a historically less successful career than the runners up. Critics might complain that this reveals the flaw in the Idol system, but I would argue that this is what makes the show work so well. The winner at the end of the season is secondary to the playing out of the contest. Isn't that what we teach our kids to value?

Take a look at the previous Idol winners and you'll see a list of "ehh, they're not that great" to "who the hell is that" names (those Lee Dewyze and Kris Allen albums are really burning up the charts, huh?). The contestants who fell short, however, consist of gigantic stars like Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson as well as train wrecks like Sanjaya who captured the public interest more out of morbid curiosity than real talent. What does it all mean? Mostly that it's a lot easier to phone in a vote for someone than buy their album, but also that it's hard to judge someone's star power in a few weeks. Whoever wins the show is really not important. People watch to see if so-and-so can improve over their previous week's performance, or how they fare in whatever theme the producer's thought up. To top it all off, America loves an underdog, and nothing can build up a fan base like the idea that your favorite singer got a raw deal.

So, don't feel too bad for Pia Toscano or whoever else is voted off the show in the next few weeks. It'll probably be the best thing that could happen to them.

This Date in History: RIP Kurt Cobain

Even though the actual anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death was Tuesday, April 8th was the day he was found in his home with the shot gun pointed at his chin, so today is really the anniversary of everyone finding out about his death. That was a huge deal, so in essence today is the anniversary of the day Kurt Cobain died.

As I said in my post about Biggie that everyone found so crazy, people tend to sentimentalize famous people's deaths, especially when they die as young as Kurt and Biggie did, and there's the risk of over rating the dead. But in Cobain's case, all the praise and tributes are deserved. He really was crazily influential on music and it sucks that he was so messed up and went the way he did, when he was just starting to really become super famous. The fame was ironic, since so many people found his style of music and attitude refreshing at the time, but he supposedly hated Smells Like Teen Spirit, and the attention that song and album brought on Nirvana. The tortured drug addict artist is a favorite iconic American image (and was something that he bought into), but it is a damn shame that Kurt went out that way.

RIP Kurt Cobain

Artists to Check For

I'll admit, I don't follow the underground rap scene all that closely anymore for a variety of reasons, chiefly due to the fact that the quality of the music has suffered as technology has improved. Any schmuck who saves up a thousand dollars or so (or can borrow their father's credit card) can now record and distribute an album using equipment that was unattainable by common folk 10 or 15 years ago. With so many wanna be rappers and producers out there, it makes it more and more difficult to weed out the suckers. Occasionally though, a new jack will stand out a little.

Sounding more than a little like a white Ghostface (both in the voice and constant food references) Action Bronson is a rapper out of Flushing (maybe the most under represented Queens neighborhood in hip hop) that has got my attention recently. With a wicked flow and jazz sample beats that are reminiscent of '90s New York rap, he manages to sound like that golden era (as I've said before my favorite period in music) without sounding dated. His rhymes are funny without being corny, and he doesn't pander to any sub-genre (nerd, street, drug dealer or old school rap). The dude can just rap. One of the few new rap LP's (particularly from an "underground" rapper) that I can highly recommend.

Check him out here and buy the new album featuring guest appearances from fellow Lo head Meyhem Lauren and others. You'll be glad you did.

The Great Fall Off

There's a common problem among musical acts, regardless of genre, that usually goes into effect around the third or fourth album. Put simply, they begin to suck.

Whatever the reasoning behind it is, be it complacency, old age or misguided attempts at experimenting, most bands hit a wall around this point in their careers. The Strokes new album, Angles, is exhibit A (as in awful). The Strokes have always played the role of bratty rich kids or detached, cool New York rockers (depending on how you look at them) without veering off into douchebag territory, but lately (judging by this album and recent television appearances) they may have taken that plunge.

While I might be in the minority here at PTU in thinking their last album was their best (I thought it mixed up the more rocking songs with the slower ones and Julian Casablancas's vocals were as good as they ever sounded, as well as doing away with the drum machine sound of the first 2 albums), Angles is a unanimous choice as their worst offering to date. About half of the tracks on the album (with the exception of the first single and possibly best song on here Under the Cover of Darkness and album closer Life is Simple in the Moonlight along with a couple other tracks) follow a similar pattern, '80s style synths and drums and the whiniest voice you've ever heard Casablancas use, before eventually switching to his lower register at some point. The lyrics are snarky as ever (sometimes good for a laugh, other times just annoying) and the hooks are pretty forgettable (not a good sign when you're attempting to make 80's era new wave songs). This isn't to say I don't like the music of that era or bands who try to replicate that sound when done the right way, unfortunately this isn't one of those instances.

As someone rightly pointed out to me last night, the band started their career imitating '70s garage rock so the next logical step is '80s new wave (hopefully, their next album will sound more like Nirvana than Limp Bizkit). I usually give albums a couple chances before making a decision on them, but Angles needs no further review.

1 out of 4 bagels. You can judge for yourself here.

Grammys get it right for once

Yeah, so award shows in general are really annoying and pointless and the Grammys is usually a 3 hour waste of time, and last night was no different in those respects. But at least the choice for Album of the year was actually a good album and one that people listened to. Hell, at least it was an album that people under 60 knew was released last year. A quick look at the list of winners of AOTY for the past 20 years include: Steely Dan, Robert Plant, Herbie Hancock, Tony Bennett, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, and Carlos Santana. Those guys are good for lifetime achievement awards or inductions into the Rock n Roll hall of fame or whatever but no way they made the best albums of those years. So even if you're not a big fan of The Suburbs or Arcade Fire be thankful that the voters asked their grandchildren what the kiddies are listening to these days before casting their vote. (And the album is awesome).