The Cam Newton 2011 NFL Draft

With the NFL Draft only an hour and a half away (it starts at 8:00pm tonight), it's perfect timing for a PTU sneak preview.

The Panthers with the #1 pick will undoubtedly take Cam Newton. How can they not? Rarely ever in the history of football have we seen someone this talented. Sure, he may be a stupid perp, but you can't deny the talent he has, and you definitely can't deny that the Panthers need a QB. He's a lock. According to the scouts, the other consideration for the #1 pick is a guy by the name of Von Miller, who I'm pretty sure played in a rock band during the 70's. Let's keep it real: Cam's going #1 and you know it.

According to the mock draft, the Giants and Jets are on the verge of making some interesting picks.

The Giants, with the #19 pick, will be taking Anthony Castonzo, a Staten Island native and Jersey Shore bartender. Okay, I made that up. He's a big white guy that went to Boston College and that's all I really know about him.

The Jets, with the #30 pick, will be taking Lawerence.. oh wait... I mean Phil Taylor (no relation), some humongous guy who went to Baylor. Since I don't know much about him either, I recommend that Jets trade up and get Cam Newton.

Beef Song of the Week

Canibus-2nd Round Knockout (1998) Canibus Dissing LL Cool J
It seems like 400 years ago, but there was a time when the most buzzed about new rapper was this skinny kid from who knows where named after a marijuana plant, Canibus. Building up his considerable hype through the old school pre-internet method of mix tapes (some of which were actual tapes, if I look around my parents house long enough I might find the Canibus vs. DMX classic mix tape) and features on major label rappers' albums. In Bis's case (for some reason the shortened nickname version of Canibus is Bis not Bus) this meant brain melting, ugly face inducing verses on tracks with the Lost Boyz, The Firm and most notably LL Cool J. It was his verse on LL's posse cut 4,3,2,1 that ignited what became the most talked about beef in hip hop up until that point since Biggie and Tupac (although no one really thought this would amount to any violence).

In the original version of that song, Canibus raps a fairly innocent line about borrowing the microphone tattoo on LL's arm. Being the overly sensitive dude that he was though, Mr. Smith took this as some kind of insult, and tore Canibus to pieces in his final verse. Although Canibus reluctantly removed the offending line from his verse, LL left his scathing verse in the final version since he never actually mentions him by name and no one would know who he was talking about and would probably figure it for another nameless rap boast. That is, until Canibus came back at the legendary LL with this ridiculous diss track, possibly the best beef song ever all things considered; this was a new kid out of nowhere going against the veteran LL Cool J, the beat makes you want to punch your sister in the face and he even got Mike Tyson to spout some nonsense at the beginning, middle and end of the track. LL came back with his own rebuttal, but this was a knockout indeed. Canibus never lived up to the hype and drifted off into underground rap purgatory somewhere but he'll always be remembered as rap's Buster Douglas. Good night.

Best Line: "It's about who strikes the hardest not who strikes first, that's why I laugh when I hear that wack ass verse, that shit was the worst, rhyme I ever heard in my life, 'cuz the greatest rapper of all time died on March 9th".

John Gotti Must Be Turning Over In His Grave

The train wreck that is soon to be the John Gotti Bio pic is slowly coming together. Junior has already made comments to the media on how he's going to salute his father's legacy, and get the real story about him out there in the public so we should all probably expect Ghandi 2 in Ozone Park (maybe with a couple of scenes of the Teflon Don being mean to his baby boy). The most glaring sign of a possible Troll 2 like turkey in the works has to be the awful casting.

I can envision how this all went down: In 1977, John Gotti, then a soldier for the Gambinos, goes to see Saturday Night Fever at the Jamaica Ave. Multiplex, sees himself in the leisure suits and styled guido hair do, and tells his teenage son, "I don't care how old he is, when I die I want dat mug Travolta playing me in a movie about my life. Oh, and while you're at it, get da skankiest, cracked out whore you can find in Long Island to play whoever you end up marryin'" (or something along those lines). More realistically it was because those two will work for fettucine alfredo, especially since one of them is about to go to the clink.

But Travolta? This guy hasn't been believable as a street guy since Barbarino (and even then he was a pretty boy more than any type of tough guy). Recent developments that may confirm long held suspicions only add to the problems. Other than his name ending in a vowel, there is nothing about this guy that is remotely Mafia like. Don Cheadle would better capture Gotti's essence. Hopefully he doesn't use any of his Scientology voodoo on poor Lindsay, since the last thing we need is another reformed weirdo preaching the virtues of a science fiction writer on Twitter.

Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions for an appropriate replacement for Travolta. Gandolfini seems to want to distance himself from the Boss roles (and he would just be looked at as Tony Soprano anyway) and DeNiro is firmly entrenched in his goofy, embarrassing dad roles . Armand Assante did a serviceable job in that other Gotti movie, maybe they should just bring him back. Regardless of the fact that the real John Gotti was a scumbag degenerate gambler who ruined many lives despite the barbecues he threw for his neighborhood, and who actually did more harm to the New York Mob than help with his flashy ways and uneven leadership; he was an icon that, in the right hands, could make for an interesting movie. And if the movie did well, and won awards, it would at least piss off that dick head Curtis Sliwa and his stupid beret. I guess we'll have to wait for a real production to see if a Gotti film can be pulled off correctly. Until then we'll have to make do with this straight to dvd mess. Least it can't be worse than Old Dogs right?

Raiders, finding new ways to be a joke.

The Raiders in the last few years have made some terrible moves.

1. In 2009 they drafted Darrius Heyward-Bey. (I linked since no will remember him in a few months after he's cut from the team).


2. In the same year they trade a 2011 first round pick for Richard Seymour (A 29 year old Defensive lineman).


3. 2007 They draft JaMarcus Russell (The first QB ever to eat himself out of the league).
   
   
   
   
   
   
   As you can see, the Raiders are on a roll. But this latest move involving the naming rights of The Oakland Coliseum takes the cake.

The Oakland Coliseum has been home to many storied events, The Super Bowl, The World Series, a perfect game was thrown there by Catfish Hunter once, as well as many concerts. But now all of those memories that The Oakland Coliseum has accumulated throught the years are gone. Why? Because of Corporate greed. The new name of The Oakland Coliseum is ...................(Sad Drum-roll)............... Overstock.com Coliseum.

This move and all of these past moves clearly shows that Al Davis or the people advising him need to go.

The Ron Artest Hall of Fame (Formerly the PTU Keeping It Real Hall of Fame)

Sometime in early February 2011, a group of ambitious and bored friends from Brooklyn decided to turn their e-mails into a blog so the whole world could share in our bull shit. 32 years earlier Ron Artest was born. And there has never been a better fit between player and meaningless blog.

Ron captures everything about a keeping it real athlete in one somewhat disturbed package:

• He admitted to drinking Hennessy at halftime of games.
• He ran into the crowd and punched opposing team's fans (completely unrelated to the Hennessy thing)
• Witnessed at least one death on the court as a youth involving a table chair through the heart
• Thanked his Psychiatrist in his post-game 7 on court interview and then appeared at the press conference with what seemed like half of Queensbridge
• Got pulled over driving a street legal racing car in Los Angeles mid-day traffic
• Has a hip-hop record label, Tru Warrior Records, which he once had carved into his head (his hair, that is, although carving it into his head would be even more keeping it real).
• Does not seem to be phased by big game situations, such as game 7s.
• Kisses his biceps after routine lay-ups

The PTU Keeping it Real Hall of Fame is now officially the Ron Artest Hall of Fame; Let us bask in the realness that is Ron-Ron. Say Queensbridge.

A Mets Fan Appeal To The Wilpons: SELL THE TEAM!

Even if we don't like to admit it to Yankees fans, Mets fans have it tough in this town. We might try to be optimistic, and about every 25 years or so something good happens, but most of the time  we suffer. This fact seems to be lost upon the Wilpon family, who have now demonstrated that not only don't they know how to run a baseball club, they also make some pretty bad business decisions. How else do you explain a major market baseball team ranked #5 in franchise value posting a reported net loss of $50M in 2010. Revenue was reportedly down $60M dollars last year, and not surprisingly 2011 attendance is expected to be significantly lower as the team continues to play like crap. This is all after a new stadium was built only two years ago. If you ask me, the stadium is the best thing about being a Mets fan in 2011.

For anyone who wants to read a detailed account of how the Wilpons have made us suffer, you can find that here on the Mets fan blog "Faith and Fear in Flushing". 

We have suffered for too long. The Mets are not run the way a NY baseball organization should be run. They don't focus on baseball fundamentals, they treat the fans like idiots, and they expose the team to potential financial ruin by investing with the likes of Madoff. They leave us to defend ourselves against Yankee fans while offering no real hope of building a solid team. They are a classless organization, firing Willie Randolph over the phone shortly after taking the Mets to the NLCS. 

Here is my goal for the season. Mets fans, here is my appeal to you. Please boycott this team. Drive them out of business. Make them lose money. The only winning season we can have in 2011 is the Wilpons selling the team to someone who knows what they are doing and wants to bring a winner to NL baseball in NYC. 

What's the Point of The Ice Cream Truck?

It's that time of year again. Now that the weather in New York is finally feeling like Spring, that can mean only one thing: The ice cream truck is back. I always loved the ice cream truck as a kid, and I can still remember being really excited when the truck would be parked outside of my elementary school. Well, I was a dumb kid back then, and like most dumb kids I liked a lot of things that I realize are pointless today (like Play-doh, picking my nose and rooting for the Jets).

Now, I have no beef with Mister Softee or Kustard King's selections, they peddle soft-serve ice cream, which is hard to come by particularly in the city. But the generic truck like the one that parked outside of my grammar school (it just said DANNY on it) sells the same shit that Ahmed sells to me for half of the price at the local corner store. If DANNY or whoever else sat quietly and waited for people to come to him or had some other sort of viral campaign to signal his arrival, I'd actually be cool with him. But he insists on playing that God damned song. I suppose this was good marketing though, since there aren't too many things I can instantly recall within seconds. I know that shit better than my first name. But that same 8 bar tune played on a nonstop loop must be the soundtrack to the slow journey into insanity (full disclosure, my bedroom faces a busy street).

The selection hasn't changed at all in the past 20 years either. They serve the same mixture of King Cones, Drumsticks and Good Humor bars (which I have to admit are incredible) as they did when "The Hogan Family" was still on. I'm all for nostalgia, but it's time for a change, fellas. Mix it up a little. Throw in some sour patch kids or Sun Chips, or there's no reason that we can't walk a couple extra feet to our local Optimo for our summer treats.

And lastly, ice cream truck driver has to be the employer of the shadiest people this side of a barber shop. Have you ever seen these guys? I know the only requirements are to be able to drive, count out change and sit in one place for 15 minutes, but most of these dudes look like they were on a work release program from Oz. Do we really want Adabesi serving Choco Tacos to our kids?

I hate you, ice cream man.

Disclaimer: Again, my bedroom faces a busy street.

Will The Mets Ever Throw a No Hitter?

One-time Met Philip Humber brought a no-hitter into the 7th inning last night against the Yankees, continuing the Yanks perennial issues with pitchers they've never seen before, as well as leading to some discussion on the YES broadcast (and amongst me and M@d Scientist) about one of the saddest droughts in sports: the Mets having never thrown a no-hitter in their history. Never. Not once, not an asterisked one that was ended with a bad call, or a half-assed 5 walk, two wild pitch run scoring no-hitter, or a combined team no-hitter like the Astros put on the Yanks a few years back. Nothing. Every team that they have played in their fairly long (not so storied) history has gotten at least one hit against the Metropolitans.

Of course, no-hitters are by no means a common occurrence, according to Odds maker.com the odds of pitching a no-hitter at the major league level is 1 in 775 or roughly the same odds as Alabama State winning the NCAA title next season. This hasn't stopped every other franchise in Major League Baseball from having at least one no-hitter in the books besides the San Diego Padres and our New York Mets. That's 49 years and 15 days without one, or a little younger than Julio Franco. While it is still a rare feat, the Diamondbacks, Marlins and Rays have all managed at least one despite only being around since the 90s. What makes this all the more frustrating for the already frustrated Mets fans is the great number of pitchers who have gone on to baseball immortality with other teams, (6 to be exact) and one of the players they traded away managed to throw 7 himself, each one like another punch to the gut of hapless Mets fans. And a Nolan Ryan punch does not feel good, ask Robin Ventura.

To make matters even worse, the hated Yankees seem to throw No nos every couple of years, and a couple of times they involved(of course) guys who used to star for the Mets in David Cone and Doc Gooden. Other times, the Yankees have had fat, reportedly hung over pitchers throw no-hitters, and just to really rub it in their Queens' neighbors faces, a guy with one arm tossed a no-hitter. Ho hum.

So why can't the Mets get their moment to hoist one of their own on their shoulders? They've certainly had some great arms in their history, and 10 Mets pitched no-hitters for their previous clubs. Some might call it the curse of Nolan Ryan, but much like a lot of Mets history, part of their problems stem from the fact that they can't seem to get out of their own way. While it's always a dilemma for a manager to keep a pitcher in the game who's on the brink of history (particularly in this era of strict pitch counts) the Mets have pulled a pitcher mid no-hitter 14 times in their history. They've also come oh so close 9 times, the most recent by Will Ferrell look alike R.A. Dickey, and most famously by Pedro Martinez in the bottom of the ninth (a game they would eventually lose). So, the Mets are not only not able to close the deal but even when they flirt with going all the way they cock block themselves (sorry Snoot and M@d).

Will the New York Mets ever get their names off the extremely exclusive never thrown a no hitters list? It's bound to happen eventually, but knowing Mets history they will most likely throw a no-hitter on the first day that instant replay is implemented to review balls and strikes and have it overturned or something. One thing's for sure, whatever manager even thinks about pulling out a pitcher who's close to a no-no will be booed off the field. It'll happen, Mets fans, be patient.

Thanks to Mets fan (and possible closet Yankee fan) M@d Scientist for a lot of the no-hitter and Mets research.

They Don't Care and They Don't Have To

After the ugly orange t-shirts have been cleaned up off the streets, and Lupica's dotted the i's on his last sappy article about how this little team from this big city just couldn't hang with the big, bad Celtics, we're left to think about the future of the Knicks and what could have gone differently during this season. Another year without a playoff win, even if there's a little bit more hope. This one hurt for the fans, as we watched the Knicks come a Jared Jeffries play and Ray Allen 3 from winning two games in Boston and then witnessed a Celtic domination at the Garden. The players must be close to doing their best mid-season Miami Heat impressions in the locker room, right? Get the tissues ready:

"We showed y'all...we figured it out" a smiling Melo said in the locker room after this Boston Big 3's first ever sweep, and beatdown of the Knicks "The sky's the limit".

What a brave face he's putting up. How about the hobbling Amare? He must be really broken up and pissed off that he had no help around him and Melo and had to make a go of it with a bad back. What did he have to say?:

"The 'Knicks are back' statement is definitely true'".

Ok. So these aren't the Lakers crying on the bench when their run came to an end, or Kobe and Michael calling their team-mates out as gay losers for letting them down, but should us fans expect these millionaire players to get as worked up as we are over losses? Not at all. These guys I'm sure followed up these statements with a quick shower, got their jewelry that is worth as much as your parents' house from a guy from their block that they pay your annual salary to hold onto, got in their cars you can't pronounce correctly (or can they most likely), went to 10ak and helped get Roger Mason Jr. laid yet again ("seriously, baby, I play for the Knicks"). They had a bad couple weeks at work, but nothing that will affect their job security (at least not those two guys). At the end of the day, they're still living the dream: getting paid unbelievable amounts of dough to do what they love. Why should they be mad? Some guys might pretend like they're really pissed off after losing for the media, but as anyone who saw Melo's appearances on SNL can tell you, acting is not his strong suit.

For hard-core fans like us here at PTU, or anyone else who lives and dies with their team, the initial reaction to laughing and care-free attitudes like Carmelo shows on the court is anger. The body language looks lazy and disinterested. How dare they laugh it up while my entire weekend is ruined! We invest a lot of time and money into these teams, and when they lose or don't put up an effort, we feel cheated. But athletes aren't obligated to be as broken up as us fans are over losses. They lose all the time, and frankly, have much better lives than we do outside of their profession. Being a fan means you already are having an irrational reaction to what another man is doing just because he has your city (or doesn't) across his chest. It's just like in "A Bronx Tale", when Sonny told Cologero that Mickey Mantle doesn't care about you or pay your rent so why should you care about him? I'm not going to stop being a Yankee fan like C did (or start dating a black chick and run errands for the Mob) but the basic premise that "these guys don't care about you, why should you care about them?" is true. While there are exceptions, such as Kobe or Paul O'Neill and other less demonstrative players, the average superstar athlete doesn't spend the next week wondering about what could have gone differently. They've got awesome lives to lead.

To reference another crappier less gangster movie, in the Farrelly Brother's "Fever Pitch", there's a scene where Jimmy Fallon's super fanatical douche-bag Red Sox fan character is at a restaurant after the Yankees have gone up 3-0 on the Sox in 2004 and sees Johnny Damon and a couple other players laughing and having dinner at a near by table. His first reaction is anger, but then he realizes these guys are just doing their job, and they're still going to go on and live their lives. They don't really care in the larger sense how badly they played or if they lost. If they got as broken up as we did over losses they'd never get out of bed in the morning. The point I'm trying to make (and one that Mr.D and the rest of us have discussed) is that part of being a fan is to get unreasonably upset or happy about teams and people who really have nothing to do with our lives other than providing entertainment; it might seem like some athletes don't care as much as we do (and maybe they don't) but they really don't have to.

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago

Remember when the Knicks were given a punchers shot at stealing a series from the sluggish and seemingly disinterested Celtics? Remember last Sunday, when the Knicks showed a defensive effort, and played like they belonged there....for 47:23?

Well, as is usual with the Knicks, an opportunity for total disappointment is never missed. One of the ugliest 37 second stretches I've seen in a while was followed by another inspired effort. Without Stat, Melo carried the team and Jared Jeffries added to his legacy by providing a Charles Smith-like memory in what would be another painful loss. Then there was Good Friday. The Celtics where left more open than they were in their own shoot around. The C's hit 14 of 24 three pointers with Ray Allen going 8/11. Sometimes, great shooters will beat you regardless of what you do. However, leaving the most prolific three point shooter in the league's history about 6 feet open isn't ever going to help the cause. The defense was pathetic. The lack of energy was total disrespect to all Knicks fans who've waited so long for a playoff game.

The Knicks can't possibly be as bad as they were Friday night (at least I hope so), but it doesn't matter. I'm disappointed with this team. A loss tonight makes this entire season a failure. Losing this series is something all Knicks fans somewhat expected. No one expected them to provide us reminders of how awful things got throughout the season. We were provided with numerous frustrating examples of how solid this team can be defensively, and then seemingly forget how to play defense on other nights. How they just sort of show up on nights they need wins, and just sit around playing with a "so what" attitude.

This team obviously needs some pieces to compete. Pieces like a center who can rebound or a point guard who can play point guard (Toney Douglas is painful to watch). This team also needs a new coach. I've called for D'Antoni's head a few weeks ago and again a few days ago. There is no excuse for a lack of intensity, a lack of consistency, or a lack of urgency. It's not totally his fault, but he has a lot of blame in the matter. If you can't get your team to show up every night, if you can't get them to focus every night, and if you can't inspire them to get out of a mid game funk...you have to go.

The Knicks may sneak a win tonight, they probably won't...but does any of it matter? I'll be watching, but I'll have a quick remote control trigger finger.

Happy Easter PTU readers.

Knicks vs Celtics Game 3 Preview

Where were you on the evening of April 22nd, 2001? At the time it probably didn't mean much to anyone, but that was the last time that Knicks fans have enjoyed a playoff victory (the guys calling the game tonight for ESPN were the head coach and point guard of that team). 10 years ago exactly today. In my case I was in a college dorm room most likely neglecting my studies, drinking a 40 and eating a hot pocket, and was probably not too overly excited. After all, April 2001 wasn't too far removed from the years when the first round of the playoffs was merely a formality for the Knicks. Who could have guessed the horrors of the next decade that would await Knicks fans? I remember thinking that the 48 win team that season kind of sucked. Now, win-starved Knicks fans are treating two close losses against an aging, mostly disinterested Celtics team as reason for a parade. Forget moral victories, the Knicks need to win a game, regardless if Chauncey or Amare play tonight, if not just for Carmelo's reputation then at least for New York basketball fans' sanity.

Keys to victory tonight are the same as ever: keep up this new found defensive intensity, somehow try to duplicate that rebounding performance of game 2, set picks and move the ball in order to get Carmelo away from double teams (instead of the stand on one side of the court and wait 8 seconds for Melo to get position offense) and for the love of Derek Jeter and all things holy, keep Jared Jeffries off the fucking court in the last 2 minutes.

The Father, The Son, and the Holy Jeter

Happy Good Friday. Jesus, we're cool with you and I know this is your big weekend and all, but some other holy man is also being persecuted: my man Derek Jeter.

The Judas' out there are hating on my man Jete, saying he's too old, his days are numbered, that he should just retire and leave the Yankees alone. While he can no longer perform like he used to it, we should have respect for this man for what he has accomplished.

Besides all the professional accolades - the championship rings, the hits, the Gold Gloves - he has also made love to every woman I dream about in the midnight hour. And now, with Minka as his Mary Magdalene, there is nothing he can't accomplish.

Jesus and Jeter have many things in common, besides both being great at baseball. Like JC, Jeter will rise again on the third day. Come this weekend, Jesus will be resurrected. All the haters will shield their eyes from the glory that will be emanating from his holy bat.

Expect a .300+ average for the rest of the season. Jeter's back.