Bulls vs Heat Game 5 Recap: The Slow, Agonizing Death of The Haters

I was all ready to post about Wade having double the amount of turnovers as field goals, and having a picture of Kurt "Crazy Eyes Killah" Thomas up there, and then the Heat decided to ruin everyone's fun.

In a collapse that was equally as shocking as the Thunder's choke job vs. Dallas a couple nights ago, the Bulls totally fell apart and the Heat played about as perfectly as humanly possible. After a Ronnie Brewer three gave Chicago a 12 point lead with a little over 3 minutes left, it seemed to everyone that there would be a must win game 6 for both teams. Game 7 in Chicago Memorial Day evening would be tough for the Heat to pull off. This Heat team is on the verge of choking! Haters rejoice! Can't hold a 3-1 lead without your mommy holding your hand, LeBum?

And then they hit 9 straight shots and won the game.

While this game might be just as indicative of a young team unravelling as games 4 and 5 for the Thunder, what makes this type of win more monumental is the fact that everyone outside of South Beach (all those fools who were celebrating like they won the Super Bowl last night) is rooting against this team. A couple of folks might want to see OKC do well because of Durant or their underdog appeal, but no one really hates the Mavericks. Dirk Nowitzki is the most benign superstar and Jason Kidd might be an asshole off the court, but you'd be hard pressed to find a rabid Kidd hater these days. Dallas makes a comeback and it's a glorious moment that will be a part of playoff lore for years to come. Miami does the same and it feels like the bad guys are winning again. It's exciting for sure, but could a team win in a more agonizing fashion? The Heat were dead and resurrected in the span of 15 real time minutes. Have we reached a point where the haters are almost the victims of bad karma? Could all the anger and hatred directed at LeBron and the Heat all year be backfiring now? Should we just embrace the Heat as the future of professional sports? Probably not, but being a hater never felt so bad.

Bulls vs Heat Game 3 Recap: Chris Bosh, LeBron and The Heat Revolutionize Basketball

Sometime in the very near future (like mid-June) we might be talking about "remember when we all thought the Heat weren't going to be able to beat the Celtics?" or "remember when we all thought the Bulls would dominate the Heat like they did in the regular season?" and maybe most surprisingly "remember when everyone thought Chris Bosh was a big pussy who didn't belong on the same court as the other two guys, and will get eaten alive by Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah?". Oh, how naive we all were. Chris Bosh (up there literally taking a back seat to LeBron) continued to be the best player on the court in this series (his one off game, the team won anyway), barely missing a shot after the first quarter and the Bulls continued to look awful offensively.

A lot of credit for Bosh's sudden manliness has gone to Boozer's pre-series dismissal of him, and you have to think there's some truth to that, since he's playing as aggressive as I've ever seen him play. Whatever the reason for his awakening, the Bulls better figure some way quick to stop him. Then again, once they figure Bosh out, there's those other 2 guys. If the Heat big 3 experiment has taught us anything this season, it's that you really can win with 3 guys. You don't need a superstar coach like Phil Jackson to manage the personalities, or a top-notch point guard to run the show, or even a Steve Kerr or Robert Horry clutch bomber. You get 2 of the greatest players of all time and a very good player and you might just win the whole damn thing. Take that, haters.

With every win, Miami is revolutionizing professional basketball. While that "We Did It" bullshit up there originally looked as appropriate as Bush's "Mission Accomplished" sign, it's beginning to look more and more like this team is going to win it all. Easily. Even if LeBron or Wade aren't Jordan (who's unparalleled greatness alongside Pippen gets most of the credit for those thinly talented Bulls team's success), and the supporting cast is still terrible, it doesn't mean a thing. If you stop LeBron, you have Wade, and if you stop him, you have Bosh. The odds of all 3 having off games is minuscule. All those experts who declared the Heat's struggles as justification for real team basketball are going to be proved wrong by the 3 player team that's too good for all of the old school "play the right way" teams or even any team that's ever picked up a basketball anywhere in the world. You're always taught that a team is only as good as the sum of it's parts, a team that plays together as a team with reasonable talent will beat the superstar laden team, etc, etc. The Heat are going to prove all of that mumbo jumbo to be loser talk; stuff coaches of weakling, ordinary teams tell their pedestrian, non-superstar players to get them to believe that the big bullies don't always win. After LeBron and Wade shove the Bulls' faces in the toilets, they'll move on to stuffing Nowitzki in a locker. Basketball will never be the same.

Bulls vs Heat Game 2 Recap: Pardon The Udonis

Pardon the who?!? You read correct, Udonis Haslem. The forgotten man in Miami who missed the majority of the Heat season and had played all of 9 minutes of the 2011 playoffs going into tonight. But there was Mr. Florida basketball carrying the Heat through the latter part of the third quarter and first couple minutes of the 4th when the Big 3 was silent. Haslem's been around for a while now. He's the only other hold over from the 06 championship team besides Wade, and he holds the distinction of being the only player in history to win championships at the high school, college and pro level in Florida as well as the last person on Earth still rocking corn rows. Bottle kept telling me how important he was to the team, but nobody listens to Bottle (even if he's right more often than that squid). And right Bottle was again this time; Haslem scored 11 in the third alone, including two Taj Gibson like dunks from out of nowhere.

It probably speaks more to the sad state of Miami big men than anything else that a guy scoring 15 points is national news, but Haslem gave Miami the spark that they needed as they sleep walked through the first 2 quarters. Besides his unexpected play, though, the other storyline of last night's game was the defense. As Hater J pointed out, it was almost like watching Riley's Miami teams of the '90s out there for some stretches. I half expected Dan Majerle to hit a 3 at some point. LeBron himself had warned people not to expect high scoring this series, and this game definitely lived up to that hype. With the extra days in between games in this series, (game 3 is being played some time before the 4th of July) both coaching staffs will be able to tweak their defenses, (something they specialize in) and last night it showed. The Heat were excellent at cutting off Rose's paths to the basket and the Bulls defense was it's usual suffocating self for most of the game. This isn't to say that Chicago didn't have their chances. All the threes that they were hitting in game 1 weren't going down this time. Kyle Korver, in particular, continued his recent struggles, and he appears to be totally distracted since the announcement that he'll be Charlie Sheen's replacement on Two and a Half Men. Being the slow white guy that he is, he's virtually useless if he's not connecting on at least a couple shots from outside. Reggie Miller suggested during the broadcast that Thibs might have to sit him if this keeps up, and I might have to agree with that.

The final storyline of this unsightly game was the continuation of the sudden transformation to Mr. Clutch by LeBron James. The guy who was branded a choke artist by everyone from Hater J to his own fellow players (he didn't receive one vote on S.I.'s player poll of who should take the last shot) has miraculously transformed himself into the closer. Of course, the perception of Bron as not a big time player was a little overblown anyway. He's hit big shots before in his career (game winners vs. Washington, the buzzer beater vs. Orlando, his domination in Detroit) but last year's meltdown is still fresh in most people's minds (game 5 at least, he still had a great game 6), and some people are just haters. He's changed his late game strategy a bit, though, taking long 3s with confidence and relatively simple pull up jumpers going to his left or right, rather than the ugly lay-up flings that weren't working earlier in the season in crunch time. Even superstar athletic freaks of nature need some confidence some times and he seems to be shooting with supreme confidence late in games now. I don't like the Heat but it has more to do with Riley and the "big 3"'s attitudes as well as residual hate from the 90's (although if you told the 14 year old Bagels that I would be rooting for the Bulls one day, I'd probably smack you with my Jansport). I never doubted any of their skills or abilities.

Now, the series heads to South Beach. In keeping with the league's Green initiative, the players will walk from Chicago to save jet fuel, hence the long lay-off. We'll see how the supporting cast plays away from home (my man Taj seems to feed off the energy of the crowd and vice versa), if Udonis keeps up his Lazarus like comeback and if the Bulls can snap out of their offensive funk. Should be fun.

Knicks Vs. Celtics Playoffs Preview

What more can be said about the Boston-New York rivalry that hasn't already been said to death by every writer in New York? The media loves to force rivalries where there are none (San Antonio and Phoenix?) and as I've said before, the way in which players are so chummy these days it's hard to recreate the intense rivalries of the past decades. Except Boston and New York beef is legitimate. We really don't like their sports teams and they don't like ours. Some of us more serious fans might let that hate creep into our feelings for the actual cities. Get equally hard-core Boston and New York fans together in the same room and it can quickly spiral into uncomfortable jokes about each other's histories (for the record, the Boston accent does sound stupid, and the city is historically racist).

Now to the match-ups and predictions:

Point Guard: Billups vs Rondo

This match-up is getting plenty of hype lately, and the edge has to go to Rondo. Rajon might be the most important player for the C's. We all know he's got the shooting touch of a drunk Frankenstein, but he's way too quick for a hobbling old Chauncey. When he's getting inside and doing those stupid behind the back fakes the defense has to collapse and that means open shots for the other green guys.

Shooting Guard: Ray Allen vs Landry Fields

The hell happened to Landry? As much as it pains me to say it, Bottle
might have been right about this guy. Or at least, he's right that the Knicks made too much of a stink over him. A combination of the rookie wall late in the season , and, by his own admission, a struggle to fit into a mostly isolation offense since Melo arrived, and the guy who the Knicks refused to include in the trade has practically played himself out of the rotation. He's a decent on the ball defender though, so he may be able to get into Ray Ray a little bit. Even so, the edge goes to the Celtics here by a wide margin

Small Forward: Carmelo Anthony vs Paul Pierce

This is a close one. Carmelo is an unbelievable scorer who's gone 3 point shot crazy since coming to the Knicks and Pierce is a historic Knick killer and big time playoff performer, but Melo gets the edge here. All eyes are going to be on Anthony for this series, all the Letterman and SNL appearances don't mean anything if he doesn't put up lights out numbers in his first playoff series. It's what the Knicks traded half of their team for and what is expected of him. Put up or shut up time, Melo.

Power Forward: Amare Stoudemire vs Kevin Garnett

A few years ago, this would have been the marquee match-up of the series. Age and injuries have slowed both of these guys down a bit, but it should still be fun to watch. Top that off with the fact that these guys hate each other (dating back to their Western conference playoff battles) and it could get ugly out there. Amare's been bragging in the papers about how K.G. tried to intimidate him as a rookie the first time they played in the postseason, and how he rocked him for 38 points, so expect both guys to be motivated. Garnett will be letting the "motherfuckers" and "Bitch ass ni#$as" fly and smacking himself in the face and whatever other retarded ways he jacks himself up (should Garnett apologize to bitch ass ni#$as everywhere if Kobe had to apologize for his F word?). I give a slight edge to the Knicks if Amare is fully recovered from his ankle injury, though.

Center: Ronny Turiaf/Shelden Williams vs. Shaq/Jermaine O'neal/Nenad Krstic/?

Not quite Ewing vs. Parish this series. Shaq's health is the (big surprise) concern here, and if he can't go full Diesel, than expect to see a rotating big man starting line-up for the Celtics. Nice job, Ainge. Betting that Shaq and Jermaine would stay healthy while trading away your emotional leader starting Center is kind of like betting the deed on your house on Lindsay Lohan staying on the wagon. The Knicks aren't much better at this position. Edge to the Celtics here though, since they have more warm bodies to trot out there (and Shelden Williams injured himself in a meaningless game last week).

Benches: T.Douglas, Bill Walker, Shawne Williams, Anthony Carter, whoever doesn't start at center vs. Baby Davis, Jeff Green, whoever doesn't start at center, Delonte West
Toney will be that ever popular "x factor" that Greg Anthony loves to talk about. He plays close to starter minutes, and D'Antoni likes to put him out there alongside Billups to alleviate the defensive responsibilities, and if he's hitting his 3s and little floaters, the Knicks might win the battle of the benches. I'm not sold on Jeff Green, but he can get buckets too. Very slight edge to the Celts since so much of the Knicks' bench (as well as entire team) relies on 3 point accuracy.

Coaches: Mike D. vs. Doc Rivers

Remember when Doc was the worst coach evahh in Boston? Just add 2 hall of famers and you're Red Auerbach reincarnated. D'Antoni's getting a lot of somewhat deserved hate around here, and anything less than a six game series might mean the ax for him. Edge to Celtics.

So, the Knicks don't have much going for them it appears. Nevertheless, Boston's been up and down just like they have since both teams' big trades and the Knicks are younger and stupider. They're likely to get hot in a game or 2 and get the Celtics doubting themselves a little. This is the team that made it to game 7 last year (minus Perkins) and won a title two years ago so I don't see them getting too rattled. It's nice to see any kind of competitive basketball around Easter time in New York, but I'm afraid it will be a short-lived feeling of excitement, at least for this year.

Celtics in 6.

Eastern Conference Playoffs Preview

Sports are cyclical as everyone likes to remind us (mostly fans of losers), yet somehow the NBA's Eastern Conference has for a long time been sport's Katy Perry; top heavy with little recognizable talent. This year is just like the past 13 or so years post Jordan, where the 6th thru 8th seed wouldn't even be in the playoffs if they were in the West (a time period in which the Knicks still couldn't make the playoffs for 7 years). And even during the Jordan years, the West had better more exciting teams top to bottom. Imagine if Phoenix or Houston were in the East and got to play the Wizards and Cavs 4 times each. As always, though, there are championship contenders in the Eastern conference making up for Tyler Hansbrough's presence in the playoffs (the East has won 3 chips this century and could very well win another this season) and there are loads of superstar talent on the top 6 teams. Here are my very predictable picks (sorry Bottle):

1) Bulls vs 8) Pacers

My cinderella pick, Indiana, can use it's brute strength inside and lightning quick point guard, Darren Collison, to give the Bulls and MVP Rose fits. Danny Granger and the other sharp shooters are going to shock the world and upset the number 1 seed.

Just kidding, of course, Bulls in 4

2) Heat vs 7) Sixers

Maybe the most anticipated playoff run in recent memory, mostly so people can root against the Heat. Post season games usually means tight games, so we'll see if Miami can fix their late game situations problems. Should be no problem dispatching the over achieving Sixers though (shout out to Doug Collins).

Heat in 5

3) Celtics vs 6) Knicks

See my preview tomorrow

4) Magic vs 5) Hawks

The 4-5 matchups in the East always seem to be snoozers, despite the fact that these series should feature the match-ups between the two most evenly talented teams. Unfortunately, that doesn't always mean two good teams. Hopefully this edition of Hawks vs Magic is better than last year's when Atlanta didn't even show up, getting their asses kicked every which way. Outcome remains the same, although in a much tighter series.

Magic in 7