Welcome Back

Hey, welcome back. So we had some technical difficulties for the past 3 months but we're back better than ever. So, how was everyone's summers? Glad to hear it. Where were we you ask? Stop being so nosey and be grateful you have our whimsical writing back in your life! Ok, I take that back, it's been a stressful time at PTU but never fear, because we're not going anywhere. Stay tuned.

Lin is Gone. Get Over It.

I guess we should have seen this coming. Everything about Linsanity is ridiculous. Not so much that he himself is ridiculous (he's actually a very normal 23 year old Asian dude) but everything surrounding him sure is. The hype around his arrival as an NBA star in February was crazy so of course the same should apply to his departure. Since the official announcement that James Dolan gave a forlorn thumbs down to America's sweetheart, the Internet has exploded in grief. It's like John Lennon, Martin Luther King and Mother Teresa all died at the same time and James Dolan killed them. It's one thing to say "yeah, Lin was a nice player with some upside, he could carve out a nice career some day". But most Knicks fans (and basketball fans in general) are reacting as if Dolan took a shit on their hopes and dreams. I understand Dolan is a spoiled, pompous jerk. He's made a million and one awful moves during his reign of terror as Knicks owner, and maybe letting Lin go is akin to shitting on your head. But, it's over now, let it go. At least this move is defensible. There's an argument that letting Lin go is a prudent move. He very well may end up being a bust, and the chemistry between him, Carmelo and Amare left something to be desired. It's not a popular opinion but there is at least an argument. There's NO argument for trading Latrell Sprewell for Keith Van Horn, giving Jerome James a monster contract after a couple good games, giving Isiah Thomas an extension after being in 8th place for one day, Eddy Curry for non lottery protected picks, and on and on. Except I don't remember anyone saying they were done as Knicks fans after all of those moves. It's Linsanity all over again, except all that excitement and positive feelings has turned into anger and grief. To all those Knicks fans who feel like their lives are ruined now and maybe are feeling the lure of that new arena in Brooklyn. Take a deep breath, calm down and remember that you were a Knicks fan long before Jeremy Lin was ever in uniform, probably long before he had even picked up a basketball, and in some cases, before he was even born. James Dolan's going to continue to make stupid moves, some stupider than this, but that's no reason to stop being a fan. One particularly dumb argument I hear a lot of people making is "they gave so much money to all these other people, why not him?" or a variation of that, "everyone in the NBA is overpaying worthless players". Because overpaying is en vogue doesn't justify overpaying.

If you're a Knicks fan, my point is: these are the Knicks. You can't just jump ship.We can cry all day about how awful a person Dolan is, how we're going to quit and root for another team, blah blah blah. We all know we'll be right there in front of the tv, or at the Garden, or watching those dots on ESPN gamecast while working late, rooting for the Knicks again. No point in whining about it. Lin is gone, he's not coming back. Your dreams have now been shat on.

Deal with it.

RIP Linsanity: A Timeline of Linsanity in New York

Linsanity has been declared dead more times than Saturday Night Live. First, it was Carmelo's return that killed the phenomenon, then it was the Miami Heat defense in that pre-all star break disaster, and then it was the torn cartilage that sidelined Lin for the Knicks playoff run. Every time, though, it was thought that Linsanity would return, as great as it was the first time, to blow everyone's mind like it's Valentines day 2012 all over again. Now, it seems like time has run out though, on Lin's 15 minutes, at least in New York. The Knicks, by all accounts, will not be matching the Rockets' "ridiculous" offer and Lin will be taking his millions of Asian fans to Houston. We could debate whether or not Lin is a money hungry, ungrateful back up guard with limited skills who just got lucky, or if the Knicks are making the biggest mistake in their history by not holding on to what could be a great, young pro no matter the cost, but that's all conjecture. We have no idea how Lin's career will turn out, if he'll prove himself to be a flash in the pan (albeit a really bright flash) or the second coming of Steve Nash. Either way, it appears his time in New York is done. It was fun while it lasted.

A quick history of important dates in Linsanity

• December 27th, 2011 The Knicks announce they are claiming Jeremy Lin off waivers, making him the first Chinese or Taiwanese player to suit up in the orange and blue. Me and a handful of other Asian Knicks fans are moderately excited even though we know he'll never get off the bench.





• February 3rd, 2012- Lin gets off the bench and actually plays in a loss in Boston. He doesn't contribute much but shows some signs of life (which the Knicks had been sorely missing during this period).






• February 4th, 2012- The day before the Super Bowl, the Knicks are reeling. Playing the third game of the lockout necessitated back to back to back schedule, Mike D'Antoni is willing to try anything short of shaving his moustache to find a winning combination. Lin scores 25 points on an array of layups and jumpers. Knicks fans begin to lose their minds.






• February 10th, 2012- After two more games that saw a few ridiculous plays, including a buzzer beater that caused Clyde Frazier to say "some things are meant to be" and a dunk past John Wall, Lin shows he's not a fluke and might actually be a decent NBA player. In a nationally televised Friday night game against the Lakers he scores 38, outscoring Kobe and causing countrywide LINSANITY. The next week a photo from this game would serve as the first of back to back Sports Illustrated covers featuring Lin, a rare feat for anyone. It's only going to get worse....






• February 14th, 2012- Valentine's day is officially renamed VaLINtine's day. Despite getting torched by Jose Calderon for most of the game, he redeems himself with the Knicks last 6 points including a three pointer to win it with less than a second left on the clock. Mayor Bloomberg proclaims Park Avenue will now be known as Lin Avenue. Lepers flock by the hundreds to Landry Field's couch hoping to be healed. The sun shines for 3 straight days as scientists speculate Linsanity has caused a shift in the earth's axis.






• February 17th, 2012- The end of Linsanity appears to be near as the Knicks crap the bed against the putrid Hornets. The 2012 Hornets suck to begin with in the wake of the Chris Paul trade, but on this night, the Hornets are missing half of their players and feature such greats of the game as Gustavo Ayon and Revis Vasquez. Compounding the Knicks loss is the unfortunate choice of words by an ESPN headline writer. The next night, SNL opens the show with a Linsanity themed sketch. Saturation point has almost been reached.





• February 19th, 2012- The Knicks beat the champion Mavericks (who are still considered a good team at that point). The game is highlighted by a three by Lin over Nowitzki, and a steal and dunk that literally sends the crowd into hysterics. If you could imagine 100 New Year's eves combined with watching 20 world cup championships in the winning country and 20,000 simultaneous orgasms. It would be about half as excited as the Garden crowd is after Lin's dunk. My favorite part is the three grown men hugging on the verge of tears at the 12 second mark but this video does a nice job of summing up Linsanity. After the dunk, you see some dude jumping up and down on celebrity row (where people usually sit quietly all game), Spike Lee wearing a Harvard jersey, a few seconds of delirious fans hugging in the stands like Oprah just gave them a car, and then video from a restaurant in Chinatown of proud Asians who hadn't watched an NBA game since Yao retired. It wouldn't be all laughs from here though.
  
  
  
  
  
• February 20th, 2012- The following day sees the return of Carmelo Anthony from the injury he suffered on an alley-oop pass during the second game of Linsanity. To say people in New York are worried about his co-existing with Lin is an understatement. And, of course, everyone's worst fears are realized as the Knicks get blown out at home by the revenge-minded Nets. Deron Williams dominates Lin all game. Linsanity is dying...

• February 23rd, 2012- Lin is a non factor in a nationally televised game against the Heat in Miami days before the all star break. He appears afraid to even dribble the ball never mind be the swaggering hero that he was for the previous weeks. Lin has been exposed, or so it seems. Countdown to Linsanity's death....





• March 31st, 2012- After a couple weeks of bullshitting that his injury wasn't all that serious, the Knicks announce Lin will have surgery on his knee, conveniently timed after the deadline to renew season tickets. Sneaky, sneaky. Lin still holds out hope he'll return for the playoffs.





• July 15th, 2012- Despite weeks of hearing nothing but how the Knicks will resign Lin no matter what the Rockets offer, it's reported by numerous media outlets that the Knicks will not be matching Houston's offer. This seems all the more likely when it's announced that the Knicks have made a trade for former Knick Raymond Felton. Linsanity is on life support.

And that leads us to today. The Knicks will make a decision tonight on Lin, and either way it will make some people upset. Those three weeks in February have been mythologized since, (there's already been a book that must have been written in about 2 hours) but as hyped as Lin's Knicks career was, some of it was deserved. It all played out like a corny sports movie; frustrated by his greedy, overpaid stars, a beleagured coach grasping at straws puts in the last guy on the bench. An Asian ivy leaguer who was cut from his previous team on Christmas Eve and he plays really, really well for a couple weeks, leading the team to a win streak and becoming a world wide phenomenon. Except those movies always end with the team either winning it all, or learning a valuable lesson in defeat. They don't usually make sequels to these movies because nobody wants to see where the underdog goes once they're on top or what happens to the phenomenon when their time runs out. Usually, the second chapter isn't nearly as exciting. And in some cases, it's almost sad to watch.

Can Knicks Fans Leave The Knicks and Become Nets Fans?

No.

Top 5 Down Syndrome Athletes

The Cleveland Indians were in town to play the Yankees a couple weeks ago, and were easily swept out of the Bronx. As unsurprising at that might be the way the Yanks have been playing lately, there was one nice surprise: the return of Shelley Duncan! You might remember Shelley taking New York by storm a few years ago, cementing his legacy as another semi retarded looking White guy who caught lightning in a bottle for a few weeks with the Yankees (see Bubba Crosby, Shane Spencer, etc.). Where does Shelley rate in the all time down syndrome looking athlete hall of fame?

5) Timofey Mozgov

Remember Timofey? He had one good game for the Knicks and was then shipped off along with about half of the team for Carmelo Anthony? His claim to fame is that his last name is now a verb thanks to this. To be fair to Timmay, a lot of these eastern European guys look like their mother chain smoked when she was pregnant with them because she probably did, but Timofey is especially "special" looking. Blake Griffin should be ashamed of himself.

4) Shelley Duncan

There's Shelley. As I mentioned earlier, he belongs to that revered group of White guys who came out of apparent nowhere to have exciting shortlived careers with the Yankees. As exciting as those guy's shining moments were though, imagine if an actual dude with down syndrome were to somehow make it through the Yankees farm system and have a positive impact on the team. If he hit one home run, the hype around it would make Linsanity seem like the attention given to a WNBA preseason game. Mike Lupica would puke from excitement. Down Syndrome is so much cooler than being Chinese.

3) Chris Kaman

I've already written about this zombie looking creature before. You might have seen Chris suit up for the German men's basketball team a few years ago. He might only be like 1/8th German, but his looks are 100% mongoloid.

2) Shelden Williams

Shelden seems like a nice guy, and he was a hard worker in his couple months with the Knicks. Kind of like a less annoying Jared Jeffries. Of course, these are all descriptions you would give to someone who actually has Down Syndrome. Fortunately for Shelden, his large misshapen head wasn't enough to scare off Candace Parker. For now, Shelden holds the title of weirdest looking former Blue Devil, and seeing as how that list includes Mike Dunleavy Jr., Carlos Boozer and Cherokee Parks, that's saying something.

1) Sam Cassell

On the Sopranos, Johnny Sack once said to Paulie Walnuts "In the museum of noses, that is the mona lisa". Well, if Johnny was a Nets fan in the late 90s (and he might have been) he probably saw the Mona Lisa of down syndrome athletes, Sam Cassell running the point. Sam's worn a lot of hats in his basketball life: rookie contributor to championship team, wily vet, assistant coach. But all of those titles pale in comparison to his rightful position as head retard of the NBA. He easily could have starred in the Special Olympics but, being the hero that he is, instead played in the NBA. I kid Smilin' Sam, of course, but I'm just bitter about what he did to the Knicks in the 94 Finals. Ugly bastard.

America F%$& Yeah!

I wrote yesterday that I understand how silly it is to feel pride in something you have no control over yourself, like being born in Brooklyn, and that could also apply to other random forms of pride. Just like being proud of being Italian, or Chinese or, especially, being a patriotic American. The majority of people who are flag waving, love it or leave it, Republican voting patriots have no real right to be that way. They just got lucky enough to have their mother give birth to them within the U.S. borders. They (and this group includes myself) didn't have to work especially hard to stay Americans. You'd have to work harder to not be an American,in fact, seeing as how it is much more difficult to get up and go somewhere than it is to just stay where you are. This is a scientifically proven fact. And let's face it, for most people, being an American is really God damn easy. The ironic thing is the people who should really be blindly patriotic are the ones who that aforementioned group of REAL AMERICANS want to keep out, the immigrants. It makes more sense that you would feel a true sense of pride in actually doing something, like working really hard to get into another country and starting a new life there. If you risked everything just to have a new place to keep your stuff (as George Carlin would say) then you should really be like "FUCK yes, I'm an American! Kiss my ass, other countries!". But the weird thing about patriotism as well as any type of civic pride (such as being a proud Brooklynite like myself) is that most people believe the opposite: unless you were born here you're not truly an American/Brooklynite/whatever. It's not where you're at, it's where you're from. Being an "American" or whatever other country you represent is more about identity and searching for a sense of community than anything rational, and it's definitely not about remembering that we freed ourselves of the British. "Hey, we've been here long enough. Might as well feel something. And you've been here for a while too. Let's eat some wieners!"

That being said, I love the 4th of July and all that comes with it. Stuff your face full of barbecued meats, drink a ton of beer and set off some illegal firecrackers in your backyard. Take some pride in knowing that there's a few million other people doing the exact same thing. AMERICA!

My Struggle to Root for The Brooklyn Nets

I've got a lot of hometown pride. As silly as it really is when you think about it to take pride in something you have no control over like being born in a certain borough, Brooklyn is my home and has been for my whole life with the exception of a couple years in college. So the news that a professional sports franchise is making their home in my borough should make me swell up with irrational feelings of pride. I love basketball and I love Brooklyn. Seems like a perfect match. I should have a Deron Williams (or whoever's on the team next season) fathead on my wall, and add the ugly B logo snapbacks to my wardrobe. Spread love it's the Brooklyn way! Except I'm just not feeling the excitement that the first team in BK in 55 years should be generating in me. This team is still the Nets.

I've spent my entire life either hating or laughing at the Nets, if not both at the same time. Imagine if you lived on a block with a kid for your whole life. He was a real pain in the ass, was a loser most of the time, and when he had some success he was tremendously obnoxious about it. You'd forget he existed until he'd pop up every once in a while and do something really annoying. Then, this guy decided to marry your sister. Now he's a part of your family. He shows up on all holidays and eats dinner at your house on Sundays. If someone insults him they're essentially insulting your family. That's how I feel about the Nets. They've forced themselves into my life now. I am indeed conflicted. If you did one of those infographics on my Facebook statuses, Brooklyn would appear about as often as "and" and "the". It's a big part of my identity. Like most Brooklyn people I talk endlessly about how great we used to be and how much I am annoyed by outsiders claiming our home as theirs. Now I'll be forced to hear "Brooklyn is having a terrible week" or "Brooklyn is on a hot streak" and I'm conflicted as to my feelings about that. When I hate on a team, I like to go all in. It's "Fuck Boston", "the Mets play in Flushing because they're shit", or "Miami fans are the lowest forms of human life". I can't say "Fuck Brooklyn". Not to mention I've already got an NBA team who just so happens to play in the same division and city, but if it were another franchise moving here (say the Kings who would fit right in in the county named for them) I could root for them as a second favorite, except for when they played each other. But I can't get the bad taste of the meadowlands out of my mouth. It tastes like crappy 12 dollar chicken fingers and swamp. How do you separate a team from the city they represent? I can safely hate the Celtics, and everything about them, but can I have the same hatred towards a team that plays only 15 minutes on the R train away from me? I can wish death on Pat Riley's greasy head down there in South Beach, but how could I hate the face of the Nets when he's my favorite rapper? Could I with good faith boo a team with Brooklyn on their chests, even if they still employ Kris Humphries? These are questions I'll be faced with this winter as Brooklyn is all over Sportscenter, the blogs, and social networks. I want to pull for them but I don't know if I can. Even if they somehow pull off a deal to get their own big 3, and are a decent team, they're still The Nets. I should be happy we've hit the big time. Then how come it feels like I'm going to be forced to hate my hometown? I'm excited for a team in Brooklyn, but why did it have to be this one?

The Truth About Obamacare

Motown Marxist, hope you aren't offended....Also, I'm putting aside my own views here and attempting to lay this out as objectively as possible.

By now you are probably already sick to your stomach hearing people get all melodramatic over the recent SCOTUS decision on "Obamacare". The truth is that this ruling doesn't mean anything has been decided and it will take years for all of this to play out. Johnny Bagels has commented that people don't even want to have a logical argument about what we should do but instead want to cry and cheer like they are watching a Yankees-Red Sox game. I agree, enough with all of that, it's time to boil this down to the fundamental question we need to answer as a society:

"How do we handle poor (sometimes because they are lazy) people who show up sick and don't have money or insurance". The way I see it, we have three choices.

A) If they have no money or insurance, they are denied medical care unless a doctor decides to provide services for free. If they happen to end up dying, we have to accept that.
B) Even though it sucks and isn't fair we pool resources and extend health care benefits to everyone....including lazy slobs who smoke crack
C) Provide a very basic crappy level of health care to poor people so we don't feel too bad..basically what we do now.

None of these options are great, but logically these are the choices since healthcare isn't free and there will always be people who are in the gutter with no money and no insurance. It would be interesting to see what would happen if we had an open vote on these choices. Instead we can continue to hear annoying diatribes that make this into an emotional issue rather than an important logical decision for society.

A PTU Salute to WFAN

The idea that there was ever a time without sports radio is crazy to most of us. For as long as any of us at PTU can remember, 660 on the AM dial has been nothing but middle aged men yakking about New York sports. Any extended trip in a car with your father or a stop in a pizzeria for a slice was accompanied by a WFAN host arguing with a caller. You had Steve Somers and his creepy uncle vibe late afternoons with Russ Salzberg (who would later take his sweaters to UPN/My9 News), Bill "you had no idea I was black until I worked on MSG" Daughtry in the evenings, Mike and the Mad Dog all the damn afternoon along with John Minko and 20/20 sports updates and Don Imus before the world hated him and his cowboy hat in the morning. World spanning NBC sports anchor Len Berman was an original host, as was HBO boxing guy Jim Lampley and Greg Gumbel. Mike Breen and Clyde Frazier did the Knicks games (one a national announcer now and the other the coolest man in the world), and of course the Fan has been the home of the Mets for decades now (Let's go Mets! F.A.N.) It all seems commonplace now but in the late 80s it was revolutionary. Today, it's a formula that's been replicated all over the country. Two assholes sit in a studio for 4 hours taking calls like this:


Host: Vinnie in Bayside on the line, how ya doin Vinnie?

Vinnie: How ya doin, Mike? First time, long time. I wanna talk about the Mets.

It's really simple but that kind of exchange didn't exist until July 1st, 1987. Now you have nationally syndicated shows, and every city has at least one station dedicated to talking about their sports teams. Sports fans are almost all obsessive, and we don't go a day without talking about some type of sport for at least a couple minutes, be it on e-mail, text, social media or even sometimes in person. Blogs like this wouldn't exist without people's insatiable appetites for all things sports (ok this blog would probably still exist) but it's hard to fathom that there was ever a period in this country during which people thought there wouldn't be a market for that kind of stuff. For better or worse (probably for better), WFAN blazed the trail for the round the clock sports culture. A lot of the voices have changed but it's still the same basic format and Vinnie is still mad at the Mets. I'm going to get a slice of pizza this weekend and listen to the bickering.

Top 5 Hottest Female Athletes

You may have heard the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", probably as some ugly person's Facebook status. That's true, as one person's "hottest girl ever" is another's "fat, plastic cow" (often known as the Kim Kardashian theory). Even more important than the beholder, though, is the setting that the person is placed. For example, that one girl in your office who everyone drools over wouldn't get a second look walking through Manhattan. She's "office hot". This phenomenon translates to the world of sports as well. It's a well known fact that most female athletes at the professional (or at least televised) level are testosterone packed freaks of nature, and are decidedly unhot. Any woman who doesn't look like Jim Carrey's amazon character on In Living Color is suddenly deemed "so hot!" by us horny male viewers. You're going to see a prime example of this over the next couple months as we'll be forced to hear how ridiculously hot Lolo Jones is, the 29 year old virgin Olympic athlete, who is basically the definition of "athlete hot". She's built like Michael Johnson but does have some pretty eyes. Still, she's already reached over rated status, and the Olympics haven't even started. There are a few female athletes who would be hot anywhere though.

5) Maria Sharapova


A mainstay for years on people's hottest female athletes list, Sharapova is still keeping her spot in the top 5 alive. While Anna Kournikova was undoubtedly hotter (and still is) Code 73.4 of the Pervy Sports Fan Blogger sanctions (and Mr D) forbids us from adding her to this list since she hasn't been an active athlete for many years and now mostly lays on the beach with Enrique Iglesias, Sharapova is still a winning player. The fact that she's married to Sasha Vujacic detracts from her hotness a little though.


4)Danica Patrick


While slightly overrated because she can drive a car better than most dudes, and is surrounded by rednecks, Danica is still hot. It seems like she tries to overcompensate for constantly being in a helmet with the Go Daddy commercials and swimsuit modeling, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she could get it.


3) Jennie Finch


While some (like Hater J) might think she looks like a random white chick you could pick up at Off The Wagon after a pitcher of Coors Light and some chicken wings, you can't deny that she is one of the hottest athletes ever. It helps that the majority of softball playing women look like this but I think you could stack her up against any group of 9 chicks and she would still stand out.


2) Natalie Gulbis


On the totem pole of hot female athletes sports golf is somewhere at the bottom (with a few exceptions), next to field hockey and bowling but there's one golfer who catches our eye, and not because she wears pants like Chi Chi Rodriguez. No, it's because she has big ol' boobs and stretches like that. Fun Fact: That pic has been Snoot's screensaver on his computer for the past 3 years.

1)Malia Jones


Ok, so technically Malia is a model as well as being a surfer, so she barely counts as a professional athlete, but why don't you try coming up with 5 really hot female athletes? It's like picking the 5 best shows on BET, or the 5 most interesting things to do in Staten Island. So we're going to stick with a surfer/model as number one. Any excuse to post pics of her is fine with me.

PTU Summer Movie Preview

Ok, so summer technically started last week, appropriately on a day that approached 100 degrees in the shade in NY, and the summer movie season started around Memorial Day, but there's still a lot of popcorn to be popped in the next 2 months and change. Movies released at this time are notorious for being, well, garbage, but at the very least the theatre will be air conditioned. You've probably already seen the Avengers, but will anything come close to making as much as scratch as that movie did? Let's take a look at a couple of flicks that will be making noise at your local multiplex/arthouse/African guy's sheet on Atlantic Avenue during the dog days.

The Amazing Spiderman


I was as big a Spiderman fan as there could be growing up, at least until they did all that business with the clones and Peter Parker's parents, and Aunt May died, etc. I was a big fan of the first two Sam Raimi directed Spider movies, but I'm a little skeptical about this one (that's not an official clip from the movie above). Franchise reboots are nothing new, of course, and Marvel had some luck with the Hulk reboot a little while ago. But the first Hulk movie was a piece of shit, so it was more of a Ed Norton starring do-over than anything else. Starting a franchise over that was already a success seems pointless (although I know what the point is). I'll probably still see this, but am not really too excited about it.

The Expendables 2


Once you get past the stunt casting of having every action star ever besides Steven Seagal in one movie blowing shit up for nearly 2 hours, you were left feeling kinda empty. Maybe it was the fact that the plot was thin, or the acting was Dolph Lundgrenish. Or maybe it was just that Chuck Norris wasn't in it. This movie's going to be awesome on HBO on a Sunday when you're hung over.

Magic Mike


With the release of this movie and the world domination of 50 Shades of Grey, horny girls are so in right now. If your girlfriend or wife told you she didn't want to see this, she's a liar and not to be trusted, break up with her tomorrow. This movies going to make 8 zillion dollars this weekend, and maybe 12 of those dollars will be from a straight guy, who only accidentally bought a ticket because he thought it was called Magic vs Mike the story of the 91 NBA Finals. It won't matter if no guys want to see this though, because unlike horny dudes, who prefer to be horny by themselves and watch women strip on computers lest they be met with a thousand judging eyes, and shame wash over them, women will go see this movie in PACKS. It's going to be girl's night out at the AMC. And since it probably cost 30 bucks to make, it's going to be a huge success for Stephen Soderbergh, Channing Tatum and the rest. Never underestimate the buying power of the horny woman.

The Watch


Funny story about The Watch. It was originally called Neighborhood Watch until actual neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin. Ok, it's not funny at all, but the movie looks like it could have it's moments. With a cast like Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Ben Stiller there's bound to be a few LOL moments. And at least Adam Sandler's not in it.

To Rome With Love


Woody Allen's latest continues his Europe fetish. I love Woody (no homo) but as any one who's ever seen The Curse of The Jade Scorpion can tell you, his output over the past 20 or so years has been spotty. Recently, he's had more luck with the European set films. There are still a few clunkers in there, but Match Point was cool (even if it was just a remake of Crimes and Misdemeanors without the comedy) and Midnight in Paris was his biggest commercial success ever, as well as critically loved. Will To Rome be more vintage Woody or another dud? I could see Jesse Eisenberg doing a neurotic Woody impression all movie being annoying (also Roberto Benigni is in this), but reviews have been mostly positive.

The Dark Knight Rises


You know you're going to see this. Don't even front.

Why Did The Killing Suck So Much?

We watch a lot of tv at the PTU offices (with the exception of Bottle). The 15 inch monitors that hover over all of our desks as we toil away at crafting that perfect post that will touch the hearts and minds of millions are always tuned into the latest in sports and tv shows. One such show that Snoot and I began watching last year was AMC's The Killing. AMC has developed a reputation as the basic cable home for quality, thought provoking and kick-ass drama but, for many reasons, The Killing sucks. Big time. And it started out so promising too.

Based on a Swedish show, the premise revolved around the murder of a teenage girl, the ensuing investigation and the aftershocks felt by the surrounding community as well as the girl's grieving family. It was set in a very dreary, and very, very rainy Seattle, employed a cast of great actors and had a seemingly fool proof dramatic gimmick. So what the hell happened? How'd show runner Veena Sud and her writers fumble what seems like such an easy touchdown of a show? As only worthwhile character Holder once said: "It starts at the top!"

Head writer Veena Sud seemed to think of this show as above most procedural crime shows (i.e. CSI, NCIS, Law & Order) and would use this as a defense whenever people would point out that her show didn't, ya know, make sense, or the mystery just wasn't interesting. She also used this refrain in response to the uproar over last season's finale. Instead of coming through on their promise to reveal Rosie Larsen's killer, they instead pulled some BS about Holder suddenly becoming corrupt (a plot line that was quickly abandoned). The whole "this isn't your normal tv show" was just a cop out to avoid things like a sensible plot or an entertaining storyline. It would sometimes almost be deep, or touch on something a little deeper than the normal cop show, but would then instead spend 45 minutes on a subplot that had nothing to do with anything like female circumcision or this guy.

There were waaaaay too many red herrings. This is well documented by the snarky bloggy types, but every fucking episode ended with an ultra dramatic montage, with that ever increasingly nervous music that just screams "hurry up and get to next week's plot point, Mad Men is almost on". They'd close up on exactly who looked like must have been the culprit....and then the next week of course it wasn't them for some insanely stupid reason. Of course, you have to keep them guessing but after the 18th tiime this happened, it was just silly.

The show was too unrealistic for even television standards. You have to suspend your disbelief whenever you're watching a fictional movie or show, but this show might as well have had fairies riding unicorns trying to crack the case. Again, some of the show's few defenders will argue that this was a pulpy show not meant to be taken all that serious. Except it also tried to be a serious show, with ultra realistic values (again with the "not your normal tv show") but also wanted to be a wacky, out there show when it couldn't come up with any better, plausible ideas.

The writers were just lazy. Really, really lazy. Kind of like how lazy I'm being writing these couple sentences.

The one saving grace of the show was top 5 wigger Detective Holder, who was almost always the high point of the hour. Here's hoping that Joel Kinneman finds a new home on a much better show in the not too distant future.