PTU Summer Movie Preview

Ok, so summer technically started last week, appropriately on a day that approached 100 degrees in the shade in NY, and the summer movie season started around Memorial Day, but there's still a lot of popcorn to be popped in the next 2 months and change. Movies released at this time are notorious for being, well, garbage, but at the very least the theatre will be air conditioned. You've probably already seen the Avengers, but will anything come close to making as much as scratch as that movie did? Let's take a look at a couple of flicks that will be making noise at your local multiplex/arthouse/African guy's sheet on Atlantic Avenue during the dog days.

The Amazing Spiderman


I was as big a Spiderman fan as there could be growing up, at least until they did all that business with the clones and Peter Parker's parents, and Aunt May died, etc. I was a big fan of the first two Sam Raimi directed Spider movies, but I'm a little skeptical about this one (that's not an official clip from the movie above). Franchise reboots are nothing new, of course, and Marvel had some luck with the Hulk reboot a little while ago. But the first Hulk movie was a piece of shit, so it was more of a Ed Norton starring do-over than anything else. Starting a franchise over that was already a success seems pointless (although I know what the point is). I'll probably still see this, but am not really too excited about it.

The Expendables 2


Once you get past the stunt casting of having every action star ever besides Steven Seagal in one movie blowing shit up for nearly 2 hours, you were left feeling kinda empty. Maybe it was the fact that the plot was thin, or the acting was Dolph Lundgrenish. Or maybe it was just that Chuck Norris wasn't in it. This movie's going to be awesome on HBO on a Sunday when you're hung over.

Magic Mike


With the release of this movie and the world domination of 50 Shades of Grey, horny girls are so in right now. If your girlfriend or wife told you she didn't want to see this, she's a liar and not to be trusted, break up with her tomorrow. This movies going to make 8 zillion dollars this weekend, and maybe 12 of those dollars will be from a straight guy, who only accidentally bought a ticket because he thought it was called Magic vs Mike the story of the 91 NBA Finals. It won't matter if no guys want to see this though, because unlike horny dudes, who prefer to be horny by themselves and watch women strip on computers lest they be met with a thousand judging eyes, and shame wash over them, women will go see this movie in PACKS. It's going to be girl's night out at the AMC. And since it probably cost 30 bucks to make, it's going to be a huge success for Stephen Soderbergh, Channing Tatum and the rest. Never underestimate the buying power of the horny woman.

The Watch


Funny story about The Watch. It was originally called Neighborhood Watch until actual neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin. Ok, it's not funny at all, but the movie looks like it could have it's moments. With a cast like Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill and Ben Stiller there's bound to be a few LOL moments. And at least Adam Sandler's not in it.

To Rome With Love


Woody Allen's latest continues his Europe fetish. I love Woody (no homo) but as any one who's ever seen The Curse of The Jade Scorpion can tell you, his output over the past 20 or so years has been spotty. Recently, he's had more luck with the European set films. There are still a few clunkers in there, but Match Point was cool (even if it was just a remake of Crimes and Misdemeanors without the comedy) and Midnight in Paris was his biggest commercial success ever, as well as critically loved. Will To Rome be more vintage Woody or another dud? I could see Jesse Eisenberg doing a neurotic Woody impression all movie being annoying (also Roberto Benigni is in this), but reviews have been mostly positive.

The Dark Knight Rises


You know you're going to see this. Don't even front.

Adam Sandler Sucks.

Recently, Kristen Wiig became the Saturday Night Live cast member to leave 30 Rock for greener pastures in Hollywood. It's been a pretty safe bet in the past as everyone from Mike Myers to Will Ferrell has gone on to be ridiculously successful and wealthy. Maybe the biggest success story, however, has been Adam Sandler. And I have no idea why. Compared to guys like Ferrell or even Dana Carvey, Sandler is a talentless bum. His goofy voices were funny when I was 13 but looking back now, Billy Madison (his "best" movie I guess) isn't even that great. Take a look at this asshole's IMDB. It reads like your annoying cousin's dvd collection (that's because it is). Alongside ok when you're high as shit movies like Happy Gilmore and Waterboy are affronts to humanity like Mr Deeds, Just Go With It, Click and Lil Nicky. And those are his better movies of the past decade. Let's spare ourselves by not spending too much time dwelling on Grown ups and (Dear God) Jack and Jill. We should just ignore these films ever existed. I'd rather swallow poison than watch Adam Sandler in drag. He also somehow managed to turn a movie starring Chris Rock and Salma Hayek's boobs into an unwatchable mess. The team of Sandler and Kevin James is the most deadly combination since lack of sleep and bath salts. Just how did Sandler become A-list?

I'll admit I used to enjoy his goofy songs on SNL, as well as some of his characters from his comedy albums that Bottle had on scratched up CD's in his parent's house. Billy Madison couldn't prepare us for the eventual juggernaut that he would become, forming his own production company to wreak havoc on the world with such turds as Paul Blart Mall Cop, and the miserable Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star. But he's not a comedian who fell from grace or lost his edge like Eddie Murphy (or at the rate he's going) Chris Rock even. He's never really been anything more than a guy who makes funny voices. He appeals to the lowest denominator, which also happens to be the highest percentage of ticket buying Americans. Occasionally, Sandler's shown some promise in roles where he tried to stretch a little (Punch Drunk Love, uh, that's it) but he'll always come back to his bread and butter: really, really dumb movies aimed at 13 year olds or chick flicks with Drew Barrymore. If you go by box office receipts, he's the king of comedy. If you go by actually, ya know, laughing, though, he's as funny as a plane crash (and not the funny kind). But, as long as people keep buying tickets, Sandler will keep putting out the crap (the same crap that he parodied in the very unfunny Funny People). Father's Day weekend, you can watch Sandler in an R rated comedy for the first time in a while alongside an embarrassed Andy Samberg (who also just left SNL) in That's My Boy, a movie that looks so bad it will probably make more money than the Avengers. So enjoy it, America. You asked for it.

Every Man in Hollywood is Gay

The tabloids and blogs have had a field day these past two weeks over some new "Travolta is gay" accusations that have since been refuted and charges dropped but where there's smoke there's fire and all that. It's still scandalous and shocking for most people. Well, not as much that he's gay as he sexually harassed some masseuses, but the fact that Travolta is gay doesn't really surprise anyone. He's been dogged by the rumors since Saturday Night Fever, and to be honest it's much more surprising that so many male actors in Hollywood are supposed to be heterosexual. As forward thinking and liberal as tinsel town is thought to be, it still has a lot of old school ingrained thinking. Namely, that gay actors will never be able to lead a movie in though 80% of the people working behind the scenes are gay. And they're probably right. As Hater J rightfully pointed out, the old James Dean "Guys want to be like him, girls want to be with him" adage wouldn't apply if James Dean was shacking up with Errol Flynn or something. How is it possible, though, that every theatre major you knew growing up, and almost every guy who acted in plays in high school is openly gay, but professional actors are all straight as an arrow? Are the gay actors not good enough? Do they all suddenly stop being gay once they graduate from Oberlin and get married? No way. Even allowing for some deviations, you have to imagine that 50% of the big name actors today are gay or in the very least bi. In 2012, acting is thought of as sort of gay, so imagine when most of your favorite actors decided to pick up the craft. That we don't hear more scandalous stories involving felt up masseuses is amazing. Besides the occasional "down low" rumor on Gawker every now and then, you'd probably think that the Screen Actors Guild is straighter than the NRA. Why haven't more actors come out as gay since they all campaign for gay rights? It all comes down to money, and being a bankable star. As much as movie stars like to portray themselves as "artistes", they're in it for the dough just like you or I would be. Just look at how many serious actors only do commercials overseas. What they're really worried about is their image as "movie stars" in America, personal integrity be damned. If they can get a million yen to promote a Japanese grape soda and (most) Americans won't see it, sign Leonardo DiCaprio up! He's all in. Why not keep your personal life in the closet then in exchange for courtside Lakers seats and more money than he could ever spend on beat up beat up baseball caps? The only guys who are openly gay fall into one of two categories: flamboyant Nathan Lane types or British. Where's everyone else?

Now contrary to the title of this post, I'm not really trying to imply that everyone of your favorite actors is gay. But in this day and age where the President of the United States and even Jay-Z can come out in support of gay rights, isn't it a little strange that there aren't more openly gay Americans in a profession that, frankly, attracts a lot of gay men? I guess only their masseuses know for sure.

Top 6 Samuel L. Jackson Cameos

You probably heard there's a movie coming out on Friday called The Avengers. It's the culmination of basically every Marvel superhero movie that's come out in the past 4 or 5 years. It's going to be awesome and make 8 zillion dollars in it's first weekend. You're going to talk about it this weekend with someone guaranteed even if you're just saying "ehh I don't know, Thor was pretty lame, I don't think I'm going to see it". But you will talk about it. And we don't know if it'll be really cool like the first Iron Man, or not so great like I heard Thor was, but I'll definitely think about it in between the mass of sporting events this weekend. One thing we do know about it is it will feature Samuel L. Jackson as black Nick Fury, a guy who already cameoed in the other Marvel movies leading up to this. Sam's made like 38 thousand movies, and maybe 10 of them have been really good, but he is the master of the memorable cameo, popping up in all sorts of movies for a few minutes and then either disappearing or dying. What were his top 6 motherfuckin cameos? (6 because I couldn't settle on 5).

6) Kill Bill



Sam's a Tarantino favorite, along with Michael Madsen and Uma Thurman's feet. He's starred in or cameoed in almost every flick that Q.T. has directed (including an uncredited voiceover in Inglorious Basterds). In this one, he just pops up for a second playing the guitar, but it was a welcome surprise.


5) Coming to America
Sam is so awesome in this as a deranged stick up man who attempts to rob McDowell's. This performance falls into his early crackhead stage, which was also on display in Jungle Fever. He is eventually taken down by Akeem and Semi and called a rhinoceros pizzle or something but not before turning in one of his most ripping cameos.

4)Iron Man

The Avengers was still years away, but fanboys were first introduced to the idea that there would be a movie at all with Sam's quick cameo at the end of the credits as Nick Fury and millions of comic book geeks lost their friggin' minds.

3) Goodfellas


This might be more than a cameo, I suppose, since he actually has a couple lines and a name, but Stacks was one of those "guy who shows up and promptly dies" characters that I mentioned earlier. Dying in your tighty whiteys after a night with one of your bitches is embarrassing but there are certainly worse ways to go than Joe Pesci pumping 6 shots into your head in slow motion. "You're gonna be late for your own funeral".

2) The Other Guys

This slightly underrated Will Ferrell movie from a couple years ago is great for about an hour and change before devolving into a kind of lame action movie, but until then it's vintage Ferrell. And it also includes one of the best SLJ cameos, although he actually was a large part of the marketing campaign, making his early demise alongside The Rock so funny. "Let's do this".



1) Deep Blue Sea

This movie is pretty forgettable besides LL Cool J's soundtrack song that featured an amazing chorus (DEEPEST! BLUEST! MY HAT IS LIKE A SHARK'S FIN!!!) and Sam's cameo and second straight early demise on this list. After delivering a stirring monologue, he's promptly eaten by a shark. Now that I think of it, I could have made this list top 5 Sam Jackson death scenes, since he dies in almost every movie he's in. Stay tuned for that list coming soon.

Top 5 Spike Lee Joints

Happy belated to the Knicks' number one fan and maybe Brooklyn's most famous resident, Spike Lee. While perhaps most well known for his die hard through-thick and-thin love of the Knicks, few people ever bring up the fact that he's a huge frontrunner when it comes to every other sport. He roots for both the Jets and the Giants equally depending on who's winning, he grew up rooting for and rooted for the Mets in the 80s when they were good, but now is seen at Yankee games and wears that stupid cap with all the pennants on it all the time. He probably would be a huge Rangers fan now if they had any brothers on the team. But, despite that douchey quality, Spike has still made a few really good films (along with some not so good). I have some issues with his film making style, mostly with his heavy handed at times preachy style and his over use of musical score, but there's a lot to like about his movies too and you can't deny his impact. What were his top 5 best?

5) Inside Man


Spike's biggest box office hit by far thanks to the presence of white people and the fact that it's one of his only forays into the heist movie genre. While I think this one was a bit over rated, and they really lost me when they got into the weird neo Nazi subplot or whatever, Inside Man was probably Spike's most entertaining flick. Plus, he wasn't in it.

4) Jungle Fever

John Turturro is great in almost everything (Transformers sucked but a guy gotta pay the bills). This one also stars a young Michael Imperioli (Chris Moltisanti from the Sopranos) and Nick Turturro as Bensonhurst guidos hating on their little sister's choice of a boyfriend. And this wasn't just any old Moolinyan, but Wesley Snipes. The blackest brother in the world. Halle Berry also pops up as a crackhead and Sam Jackson is killed by his father. It's pretty great (although the last scene is kind of lame).

3) 25th Hour


I'm a little partial to this one since the main characters are a couple guys from Bay Ridge (there's even a scene at their father's bar where the patrons are drinking beer and chanting "Let's go Yankees") but it's also Spike's most consistent work to date, in my opinion, if not the best. It doesn't veer off into any weird subplots and features one of the best monologues in film history.

2) Malcolm X

A great flick, even if you're not black (like we aren't) or aren't big fans of brother Malcolm. Spike's one truly epic bio pic is without a doubt among the best of his movies. Many feel that Denzel was robbed by the Academy (and some think it was a racist conspiracy resulting in Denzel having to be crooked before he took it) and his performance is pretty good.

1) Do The Right Thing


This is a no brainer as the number one Spike Lee joint, and he never really reached these heights again. Deals with racial issues without being overly preachy, features great performances from Turturro, Danny Aiello and even Spike himself is pretty good. Also had a great soundtrack and Rosie Perez's tits (or a close facsimile). Tons of quotable lines in this one. Sums up the racial divide in the late 80s in the scene below. Great stuff, Spike.


Honorable Mentions: He Got Game, Clockers, Mo Better Blues, Crooklyn

Top 5 Gangster Movies That Aren't The Godfather

The 40th anniversary of the Godfather's release is today, marking the day that cinema was changed forever. Seriously now, I'm not just bullshitting like James Lipton or something, the Godfather changed everything. Similar to how Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy's DNA is found all over the comedy of every black comedian that's followed them or every songwriter owes something to Bob Dylan, Coppola's masterpiece birthed the style of a million good, not so good, and flat out awful gangster flicks. Even if you've never seen it,you know at least a line or two from the movie, and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say it changed how we view the mafia or even how the mafia itself acts. Most of what we know and how we think about La Cosa Nostra and even some of how they operate comes from the Godfather. They're big fans just like us. So it goes without saying that Godfather 1 and 2 are the 2 best gangster movies of all time (we'll pretend GF3 didn't "exist", much like the Mafia no longer "exists"). But there's still been a few truly great gangster movies since then, as well as the hundreds of straight to dvd wannabe's. What were the 5 best? I also included the most gangster scenes from each.

5) King of New York

Not a Mafia movie really (although there are one or two unlucky Italian gangsters in it), but the sheer gangsterness of this movie puts it in the top 5. Some of the scenes are a little hokey, and it's a real downer (even more so than director Abel Ferrara's other big movie The Funeral despite that film's title) but it features Christopher Walken at his weird, creepy best. It also inspired an entire generation of rappers and was the inspiration for Biggie's Frank White alias. White murdering David Caruso at his partner's funeral might be the most gangster scene in the history of movies.("Hey you"). Also, this was the original KONY.

4) Casino



This one is severely slept on, partly because people think it's exactly the same as Scorsese's other great gangster movie. While there are certainly similarities (DeNiro in a lead role, Pesci fuckin people up, Rolling Stones music), Casino on it's own is a great movie despite shrill overacting from Sharon Stone. Plus, Don Rickles!

3) Donnie Brasco

Remember when Johnny Depp played normal people? Not foppish takes on Keith Richards or Michael Jackson voiced children's story characters? Donnie Brasco was one of those ordinary guys (relatively at least) that we don't see Depp do as much since he's dissapeared into Tim Burton's brain. While not as flashy as some of Scorsese's best, this is still one of the best gangster flicks ever, and even introduced a couple of entries into the gangster lingo: Fugazi and taught us what "Fugheddaboutit" really means.

2) Reservoir Dogs

Ok, so technically Resevoir Dogs and King of NY aren't Mafia movies and I guess would be considered more like crime movies, but Quentin Tarantino's directorial debut holds up to this day. Watching it now, it almost seems cliche until you remember that all those thousands of other sraight to the 5 dollar bin at Best Buy movies were just rip offs of this. In 1992, it was actually new and fresh to hear people having conversations about pop culture and to see horrific violence incongruously matched up with breezy 70s pop songs. Now, every dweeb with a Netflix account and Mac thinks they're the next Tarantino but when this movie came out there was only one.

1) Goodfellas


Was there any doubt? I go back and forth all the time about which is my favorite movie of all time, Goodfellas or the Godfather movies. While both dealing with similar subject matter, they share little else in common. Godfather is a nearly humorless, epic drenched in period seriousness while Goodfellas is just a nonstop, fastpaced tour of a gangster's life from the beginning to the end. Both are pretty much impossible to stop watching, but for different reasons, and depending on my mood I could list either as the greatest gangster movie ever. Take Godfather out of the picture though, and it's a no brainer that Goodfellas is the GOAT.

Honorable mentions: Scarface (blasphemous to some I'm sure that I left this off but these are my 5 favorites), City of God, Once Upon a Time in America.

PTU Oscars Preview

It's that time again. Roll out the red carpet, toot a couple lines and get ready for celebrities to congratulate themselves for 4 hours. I'll be watching the NBA All star game this Sunday night, and I assume many of you might be doing the same, but this is what all your girlfriends and wives will be talking about on Monday. As a disclaimer I'd like to say that I didn't see most of the movies nominated this year but I'm going to take a couple stabs at who I think will be giving tearful speeches at the podium Sunday night anyway. What are my predictions?

Best Actor

The Guy from The Artist


TGFTA narrowly beats out George Clooney, only because Clooney's won already and the Academy would love to give this to a guy who barely had any lines. "Acting!"

Best Actress

Michelle Williams


This is a tough one since Glenn Close, Meryl Streep and Williams all are nominated for really show offy performances that the Academy loves to give awards out for. Play ugly, retarded or drug addicted and you're guaranteed at least a nomination. Close played a woman in drag, Streep supposedly transformed into Margaret Thatcher but Michelle Williams is getting tons of buzz as Marilyn Monroe and it would be a feel good story for her.

Supporting Actor

Christopher Plummer


I'd like Jonah Hill to win just because I've probably seen every movie he ever did (including Moneyball, one of the few flicks nominated that I saw). And Max Von Sydow is reportedly very good in the mostly otherwise hated Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, but since I already picked one guy who barely has any lines, Plummer gets the nod.

Supporting Actress

Octavia Spencer


The Oscars loves films that deal with race, even if they're not even that great (Crash, The Blind Side), so I expect to see the lady who played one of the maids in The Help take home an Oscar even if the movie gets shut out in every other category.

Director

The Guy Who Directed The Artist


I think the Artist will take this one, although I'll be rooting for hometown hero Woody Allen to win for his biggest hit to date. The Artist seems to be the type of movie that will dominate the Oscars, even if you don't know anyone besides Bottle who's seen it yet. It's just artsy enough but not too artsy to alienate people. Artist domination.

Best Picture


What else? The Artist for the reasons mentioned above.

Top 5 Steve Buscemi Roles; Happy Birthday, Steve Buscemi you Ugly Bastard

Steve Buscemi has had an odd career (one that he spoofed in his SNL hosting duties last week) that has seen him go from dog featured comedic actor in small roles in your favorite quirky comedies and indie films to full on Cable star. From Trees Lounge to Ghost World to almost every Adam Sandler comedy ever, the one time fire fighter from Brooklyn has played quite a few characters in his day. Some of them creepy, some funny, all very, very ugly. But we're not here to talk about Steve's looks. In honor of Steve's birthday, let's take a look at Johnny Bagel's 5 favorite Buscemi roles. Despite the critical acclaim and overall awesomeness of Boardwalk Empire, Buscemi's Nucky Thompson really isn't all that great of a character so he didn't make the top 5.

5) Tony Blundetto in The Sopranos

Buscemi had already been with The Sopranos for some time in a writing and directing capacity when he made his first appearance in front of the camera as Tony's recently released from prison cousin, Tony (he was Tony "Uncle Al" while T.S. was Tony "Uncle Johnny"). If the sight of Gandolfini and Buscemi next to each other seemed strange at first (never mind that they were somehow related), his performance as Tony B. quickly put those thoughts to rest. Able to play an ex-con trying to go straight while still hanging out with Tony and the gang in the back of Satriale's, Buscemi played a believable knock around guy with his trademark quirkiness still intact. His quick descent from luckiest man in the world to lying on Uncle Pat's porch with half of his face shot off at the hand of his cousin was one of the stand out story arcs of The Soprano's 6 and a half seasons (as you can see above sans Van Morrison).

4) Donny in The Big Lebowski


The Big Lebowski is one of the best loved movies to involve bowling, nihilists played by Red Hot Chili Pepper's bassists and Steve Buscemi. Steve doesn't have too much to do in this one as the bowling loving, always out of the loop Donny, but his character does have the most memorable eulogy scene in film history (even if he doesn't appear in it).

3) Tommy in Trees Lounge

Buscemi's directorial debut features loads of familiar faces from the Sopranos and Goodfellas (the casting director would later work for Sopranos), yet despite the presence of the usual goombah actors (including a very good pre Artie Bucco John Ventimiglia), Trees Lounge is the lighter side of being a loser in Staten Island. This was the role Buscemi was born to play, an annoying, alcoholic loser who you actually end up rooting for. Although living above a bar doesn't seem all that bad.

2) Carl Showalter in Fargo

Buscemi might not be the DeNiro to the Cohen Brother's Scorsese (a couple different actors would probably fight over that title) but he was definitely a favorite of theirs during the 90s. While dweeby and awkward, Buscemi plays a dirtbag better than almost anyone this side of Mickey Rourke. And in the Cohen Bros's Oscar winning crime flick, he plays a particularly obnoxious dirtbag named Carl. Fargo's plot was the same as 98% of the other Cohen Bros. films; shlubby guy at the end of his rope comes up with a plan to make a quick buck (which usually involves a staged kidnapping) only for miscommunication and general incompetence to mess everything up. In this case, Buscemi steals the show as the loudmouth would-be kidnapper who eventually meets the wrong end of a wood chipper. "You should see the other guy" is a classic line when delivered by Buscemi after just being shot in the throat. This film also saw the screen debut of former Miami Heat Center Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

1)Mr. Pink in Reservoir Dogs


The film that probably introduced most people to Buscemi as something other than the guy who had one or two lines in a handful of films like King of New York or Martin Scorsese's portion of New York Stories or some other movies that didn't have New York in the title at all. Mr. Pink is Buscemi at his best. Playing a crook who doesn't know that his jewel thief partner is actually 5-0, Buscemi proves there's no honor amongst thieves. While the other guys are definitely bad asses and/or sick fucks, Mr. Pink acts as weaselish as he looks. Watching him in this now, you remember why Nucky Thompson is rather boring; Buscemi's at his best when he's a slippery, snake like small time crook not a stately, composed crime boss. The few scenes that Nucky loses it have been some of the more memorable moments of Boardwalk's first 2 seasons, but he's in his glory in Tarantino's debut. Why do they call him Mr. Pink? "Because you're a faggot, all right?!"

Honorable Mentions:

Psycho in Con Air, Creepy guy in Mr. Deeds and Nucky Thompson on Boardwalk Empire.

Happy Birthday, Steve!

M@D @ The movies Transformers Dark of the moon review.

I hope you brought your 3-d glasses to PTU today or else this image will appear strange to you.

Here is the quick review of Transformers Dark of the Moon.

If you LOVE slow motion this is the movie for you! It was used nicely
in second Transformers' movie, but it is over used in this one. The explosions were cut down from the previous movies, but the amount of BS was increase 1000% I know its a movie but physics still have to exist some how.

In one such physics bending scene, a building was cut so that the top portion fell diagonally, but some how was able to suspend its self in mid air. Planets were able to exist in close proximity to each other as if nothing happened. So lets forget physics how was the story?

Well Opitmus Prime was made out to be a scene stealing douche, he would hang out or be delayed in some way off screen, then when needed most he would come out and save every body. (This happen several times)

Best part of this movie was the list of "stars" that were in this movie. leonard nimoy was the voice of one "Robot", John Malkovich had some good scenes as Shia Labeouf's boss, but the ultimate moment and the most entertaining by a non main character was by "Steve the Pirate" http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/steve.jpg

In closing, Shia Labeouf was the most non annoying he had been in any movie he had done before.

I give it 2 energon cubes out of five

M@D @ the Movies

Over the weekend I saw Green Lantern despite every critic basically saying that this would be as bad as water-world. The main knock was before I saw it was that it looked terrible special effects wise, but upon doing more research most of those shots were done before the entire movie was done being edited.

Now for my review, the movie has amazing imagery in my opinion during the space scenes, the plot is a little flimsy, but the action makes up for it. If your a big comic book fan of the DC universe you will enjoy it. Other wise it won't entertain everybody

Overall I give Green Lantern 2 rings out of five.

PTU Top 5 Best Worst Horror Movies

Recently a few of us at PTU decided it would be a good idea to check out some of the best worst horror movies one Friday while drinking some beers. You might wonder what a best worst horror movie is? Generally speaking it is one of those movies that seems like a bad idea to watch, has bad acting, terrible special effects, and a weak plot. For some reason, it is so terribly bad you can't stop watching it and at the end you somehow don't feel like you just wasted two hours of your life.

Why only five? Because even someone like me who loves these types of movies can only think of five worth listing. Top 5 list after the jump, bonus points if you can guess which movie in the top 5 is featured in the picture above.

Worst Sequels of All Time

If you're like the millions of people who took time out of their busy Memorial Day Weekends to watch the lazy piece of monkey shit that was The Hangover 2 (as I had the misfortune of doing), then you probably spent the next few hours racking your brain as to what sequel was actually worse than that mind numbing cash grab you just wasted 12 bucks on. (My original idea was Top 5 funnier ways to spend your time than watching The Hangover Part 2, but I didn't want to offend the Holocaust Museum by associating them with that movie). Sequels are always just attempts to squeeze more cash out of an existing fan base, but some are more blatant in their laziness than others. There's a reason number 2 is a nickname for shit. What are a few of the worst offenders?

Jaws 2

Most crappy sequels are the result of behind the scenes fuckery involving contractual obligations and other boring legalities. This one was no different, unfortunately for the legacy of the late Roy Scheider who was required by law to be in this stinker.

Halloween 2 and all it's sequels


The first Halloween is a classic for it's low-budget yet still scary as hell charm. As so often happens with sequels, the movies that followed the original got sillier and sillier and basically made anyone forget that there was ever a cool first movie (and don't even get me started on the Rob Zombie reboots). Same could be said for the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

Caddyshack 2

Maybe worse than a complete rehash of the original film is the sequel that can't get any of the original cast to participate. Chevy Chase is the only sucker back in this forgettable sequel, thrust upon the masses 8 years after the original Caddyshack. This was originally written to revolve around Rodney Dangerfield which, I imagine, would have made it a bit more tolerable.

Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World

Remember when Jurassic Park first came out? The animatronic dinosaurs were probably the coolest effect anyone had ever seen. Then a couple years later, this pile of T-Rex dung came out. The rare sequel that doesn't have the absence of the big name director to blame (along with the next movie on the list), the Lost World really went off the rails when it had T-Rex stomping around in suburban back-yards in San Diego. Also, why was Jeff Goldblum's daughter inexplicably black?

Godfather 3

The mother of all shitty sequels that all sequels to follow are judged against. While not a laughably awful movie (like, say Titanic 2 or something) when viewed in comparison to quite possibly the greatest 2 films of all time, it's a truly awful experience. From the death by poison cannoli, to the replacement of Robert Duvall with of all people George Hamilton, to the confusing plot involving killing the Pope (!), it's no wonder Coppola only makes a movie every 10 years and instead has dedicated his life to making wine that your uncle brings to birthday parties. One thing that this movie has in common with Hangover Part 2 is a horrible actor that makes you wonder "who is this person related to/and or banged to get this part?". In GF3's case, Coppola's own daughter put on one of the worst performances in movie history (Corleone with a valley girl accent) before becoming a respected, somewhat annoying director herself. In HO2, it's Brokeback/Crouching Tiger director Ang Lee's son who snuck his way in thanks to daddy's pull. Pacino might as well have been talking about this tacked on sequel when he said "They keep pulling me back in". Madon!

Top 10 Movies That Only White People Like

Some movies are embraced by the entire country; people of all colors, age and ethnicity. And then there are movies like these. White people can't get enough of them but you're more likely to see a Nickelback album on a person of color's ipod than one of these in their DVD collection.

So, here's the PTU top 10 movies that were least likely to have someone yell at the screen while watching:

10) Juno

Some minority females may like this tale of a sassy white teenage girl who becomes pregnant and the ensuing hilarity that follows, but most Puerto Rican dudes only know of one Juno: "Ju know Juan from Fordham Road? That nigga owes me 50 dollars, man". Teen pregnancy just doesn't seem as funny when Belle and Sebastian aren't playing in the background.

9) Indiana Jones


This seems to be a controversial choice here at PTU, but resident Puerto Rican Hater J insists that no one in the Barrio gave a shit about Indy and his whip.

8) Rushmore

You could probably insert anything directed by Wes Anderson, but this movie about an annoying boarding school kid who looks to be about 32 definitely collected dust at the 125th st. Blockbuster.

7)Into the Wild

For some reason, many minorities find it hard to get wrapped up in a movie about a kid who graduates college and decides to burn his car and money and go hiking in the woods instead of accepting a high paying job.

6)MASH

Spawning an even whiter sitcom, this movie is on VHS in many white dad's collections and is usually ranked among the best comedies of all time. Only Alan Alda's presence could have increased it's whiteness.

5) Slapshot

White college kids and older white men love this wacky comedy about a minor league hockey team. A minority will join the Klan before queuing this up on Netflix.

4) Anything directed by Woody Allen

Woody catches some flak for not casting minorities in his films about New York, but only from other white people since no one of color has ever seen a Woody Allen film.

3) The Breakfast Club

Another controversial choice since many people in the hood caught this on WPIX 11 and might have liked it, but most white people love this movie more than their mothers.

2) Sideways

Birth of A Nation is more popular amongst minority audiences than this movie about two white men who decide to travel the country and visit wineries.

1)Star Wars

Beloved by all white people, but even the presence of Billy Dee can't get a brother to watch this. Amazingly, it is the most successful movie of all time, yet no minority ever bought a ticket to it (and to quote a Conan O'Brien joke, no one ever brought a date).

Any non-whites out there that love one of these movies, feel free to let it be known in the comments. Or if any white people beg to differ with one of these choices, I'd like proof of one of your minority friends enjoying one of these movies.