Don't Blame The Refs: The Thunder Are Killing Themselves

It's a common practice of haters such as ourselves to try to find a reason, any reason, that the target of our hate is succeeding. In the case of PTU whipping boy, LeBron James, the thought of his actually winning a championship could send any basketball fan scrambling for a Kennedy assassination level conspiracy theory. The most common theory is the fix is in and the refs are going to make sure the Heat win a title. I think this is baloney. Big market teams (and the teams that get the highest ratings) do sometimes get a boost from the officials. There's been a couple games in the past 10 years that appeared to show blatant favoritism towards a team like the Lakers, but I believe that there's a greater chance that Tupac is tanning on the beach on an island somewhere than David Stern called the officials into his office and said "Make sure the Heat get the majority of the calls in this series. And for God sakes, get Durant off the court however you can!". Let's say the NBA does occasionally conspire to fix games for the sake of argument. Even if they worked to get a particular team in the Finals (and it would be the Lakers not the Thunder playing the Heat if they did), once that team was there, the most important thing would be to prolong the series. The league does not benefit from one team winning a series in 5. They would also not purposely put the third biggest superstar on the bench, as some people have implied, through manipulated foul calls. The Finals have been marketed by the league as Magic vs Bird 2.0. They wouldn't then purposely get Magic in foul trouble. The fact of the matter is Kevin Durant has committed dumb fouls throughout the series.


Are some of these fouls a little ticky tack? Sure. But I can't see a scenario in which the NBA would mandate it's referees to take one of the best players off the court in a Finals series. Of the four fouls in the video, the worst call is probably the first. A jab step and a shoulder used to clear some space that Durant and LeBron do all the time. A bad call, maybe, but not sinister if you ask me. The other calls are all legit; a hold as LeBron goes around a screen, a hand across the face of Bron on a layup, and leaving his feet on a Wade layup. All of these could probably have been no calls, but could also have been avoided by KD.

Even if all of these fouls were to get him off the floor in key moments, and the Heat took a lot more free throws, the Thunder really shot themselves in the foot through other dumb mistakes that were not contingent on the officials. Namely, back to back fouls on Heat three pointers (of which the Heat hit all 6 shots) that trimmed a 10 point lead to 4 in about 2 minutes of game time towards the end of the third. Even with the sloppy play on defense and offense by the Thunder they were still within striking distance, but again beat themselves by doing something that was beyond the referee's control: missing foul shots in the fourth quarter. Had they knocked down their shots, not made silly turnovers and stayed composed in crunch time (something that they have mostly been able to do throughout the playoffs), OKC would have won by a few points and the conspiracy theorists could go back to investigating the draft lottery (which actually is fixed) or something until tomorrow night. The truth is the Thunder didn't make enough winning plays, and in a turn of events even more painful for us haters, the Heat did.

NBA Finals Preview: Like Night and Day

The Oklahoma City Thunders may not be the NBA's number one choice to represent the Western conference (that would be the Lakers) but Scottie Brooks' boys should make most basketball fans excited. After all, this is the rare "play the right way" team that is really fun to watch. They're not the Anti-Heat but they're pretty close. Just about all of their main players are home-grown talent, still playing for the squad that drafted them (even if they were known by a different name at the time) the exception being veterans Derek Fisher and Kendrick Perkins, who may own the second ugliest jump shot in the league next to Jared Jeffries. But the trio of Durant, Westbrook and Harden (along with possibly the best defensive player in the league, all apologies to Tyson Chandler) carry the team, and this "our guys" mentality is only enhanced by the fact that Oklahoma City has literally nothing else to do right now. There are no other pro teams who play there, and Sooners football and basketball is a ways away. It's all they got, and the crowds at Chesapeake energy center (that's what it's called) reflect this type of giddy atmosphere. The Heat on the other hand, may have the worst fans in sports. While Lakers fans are often derided as being more about being seen than actually rooting for the Lakers, Heat fans take this kind of front running, attention seeking to another level. When the Heat are bad, the sight of thousands of empty, yellow seats is common place, and when they're good, you still see lots of empty seats next to the plastic surgeons and plastic surgery enthusiasts. Notorious front runners, you can even see their fickle nature from quarter to quarter. If the Heat are down by a few points, instead of rallying their team to victory like a good fan base would, they sit on their hands or just leave. The Thunder fans stand for the entire second half most games. Can you imagine Heat fans pushing their team to a win when they're down by 15 like Thunder fans did in game 6 vs the Spurs? Never.

So the fans are polar opposites, as is how the teams were assembled, and so are their team leaders. Durant is a quiet, by all accounts humble dude who only has tattoos where nobody can see them and announced his re signing with the team that drafted him via Twitter. LeBron is LeBron. Temperaments aside, they have very different games as well. Bron preferring to either bulldoze his way to the rim (when he feels like it) or shoot midrange jumpers. Durant has almost unlimited range as well as occasional outbursts at the rim, but he couldn't physically overpower anyone. Who will become a first time champion this season? I really have no idea, but I'd put my money on the Thunder. They're deeper, playing at a more consistenly high level, and less beat up. It also seems like it's destined to be their time. They knocked off the Mavs, Lakers and Spurs and can now knock off the Heat, teams that accounted for 10 of the last 12 championships. It's Durant's turn.

Thunder in 7

LeBron James: Not Who We Thought He Was?

June 7th will forever be known as a national day of mourning for haters everywhere. Fly your "LeBron sucks" shirts at half staff, and let's have a moment of silence for Skip Bayless, who's trying so gosh darn hard to still be the supreme hater. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Similarly to how a 2010 NBA Finals game 7 can make Kobe worshippers like myself question the guys "clutchness", 2012 ECF game 6 just messed up every LeBron haters' game. He didn't just have a good game in one of the biggest contests of his career. He absolutely DOMINATED the Celtics. 45, 15 and 5. 30 in the first half when he tore the Celtics and their fans' hearts out. And these weren't garbage time stat padding points he put up. In fact, in garbage time he was content to pass, mostly, and then sat with 3 minutes left and a comfortable Heat lead. Every time the Celtics sniffed a comeback he hit another tough jumper in a Celtic face. And he kept hitting jumpers all night. This wasn't the LeBron that picked up garbage baskets off layups and free throws off dubious foul calls. He didn't even take that many threes. It was 20 footer after 20 footer, 19 out of 27 shots to be exact, with a few free throws tossed in for good measure. Everyone knows we've been as merciless in our ridicule of the "King" and his vagina since the inception of this little blog, but I have to give him props for coming through the way he did. All a hater can hope for is a return to normalcy tomorrow night in Miami, so we can all get back to making fun of this guy. Usually after a unconscious offensive game like last night, a player will come back to Earth the following game. Heat fans might wish that he had done this one game later. After all, I've been suckered into thinking the haters were dead before.

M@D Gamble

"I make the bets so you don't have." "Nor should you"

I hope to make this a weekly segment until I either run out of money or you guys tell me this segment sucks and I won't write about it any more. So the bet I made tonight was I took the Knicks plus ten and the over of 195. Basketball Expert Johnny Bagels thinks I am insane and I am better off just throwing money out the window, but I think the Knicks will play the Heat tough have a close game and just put up a lot of points in the process. So in order to win my wager I need

Knicks +10 &

Over 195

Happy Gambling to me, next week I bet on the Super Bowl MVP and I won't be picking a QB

PTU Retirement: LeBron James and The Miami Heat

The Finals ended last night in a sort of anticlimactic way, at least compared to the first 5 games of the series. Dirk bounced back from a terrible first half to hit his usual clutch shots and the Heat looked lost on offense for long stretches of the third and fourth quarters. Worst of all, LeBron wasn't great or terrible but pretty much just had a blah, mediocre game. And with that, let's say goodbye to the NBA for 4 months (unless something crazy happens like Kevin Love dies in a hang gliding accident) and most importantly of all, let's say goodbye forever to PTU's unofficial mascot and whipping boy: LeBron James.

Over our 4 months of existence, we here at PTU have written approximately 638 posts about either LeBron James or the Miami Heat (or at least that's what it seems like). Whatever the number, there's only so many ways you can theorize about hating a basketball team or a player. And with that, I now raise to the PTU rafters, the most hated jersey in the world (outside of New Jersey): LeBron James and the Heat. I will not make another snide remark about the so-called King, call him by another demeaning nickname (LeBum, LeBrick, LePerp, LeBum, Peppino, etc) or write phony interviews with the man discussing his sexual organs or lack thereof. I will not write one more post about haters, hating or whether or not we should hate him and his team. And most of all, I will not post another pic of LeBron James' face crying, screaming, yawning, looking sad, confused, happy, cocky, or whatever. LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Spoelstra, even Joel Anthony and the rest of the Heat are now dead to me. It's been a good run, you've provided us and our readers hours of enjoyment and agony, but now it's time to find a new villain.

So long, LeBron. Even if we no longer say it, please believe that you will always be hated deep down in our hearts.

Coughgate: Another Reason not to Like The Miami Heat

Has it ever been one wild season for Miami. Way back in November there was bumpgate, then crygate, missed clutch shotsgate, Retardedgate, gategate (LeBron and Wade jumped over a gate), and now the most annoying scandal of the season: Coughgate (or as some outlets are reporting it, snifflegate). By now, everyone's seen video of the two superfriends yukking it up on their way out of practice as D Wade made light of Dirk Nowitzki's much hyped coughing fits from game 4. Most people are classifying this as just another example of the unwarranted arrogance and all around dick headedness of the Heat, including Dirk himself, who called their antics "childish" and "ignorant". I'd have to agree with Dirk that this was very childish behavior on their part, and I also agree that it's time to move past this horrible affront to humanity and focus on what is the biggest game for at least 20 player's careers tomorrow night. Coaches' and player's careers are on the line here. But Wade (who's been the good one for most of the season) and LeBron and whatever supporters they have left shouldn't act like they're shocked that people are making any kind of deal out of this (or that douche-bags like me are writing 500 word blog posts about it).

For most players, a triple double on 45% shooting would be seen as a career night in the finals, except everything that LeBron has stood for over his career has singled him out as more than an average player or average mortal, for that matter. The chosen one, King or whatever other crap you want to call him, are not labels that are forced on him. He never said, "cool it guys, I'm just one of the guys". His decisions, and his Decision, were all marketing schemes to separate him from the pack. He wasn't built in a Nike factory in Korea in order to put up Lamar Odom numbers. There weren't ESPN cameras at Jason Terry's high school games. If LeBron doesn't do the spectacular, the Heat season will be over and so will the myth of the Chosen King (something even I bought into a couple weeks ago). Now, Wade has joined the pity party, basically claiming that everything they do is taken the wrong way because of who they are, and claiming that what he was mocking with the cough routine was actually the overblown media coverage that him and Bron knew it would cause. Like he's some type of satirist now; Oscar Wilde Wade.

Anyway, Wade's beef (and Bottle's) that he and LeBron are unfairly targeted or that the Heat's every move is wrongly magnified all the way down to the intent of their coughs, is way off base. The reason that we all make a big deal out of seemingly small things with Miami, is they wanted things that way. If you exaggerate your own personas and accomplishments to ridiculous heights, then you can't be upset when your criticisms are equally outrageous and petty. Same goes for LeBron's seeming bewilderment at the ridicule that's being tossed his way over his failures in crunch time this series. Now he wants to point out how all he cares about is winning and how we fans and those in the media don't understand that basketball has a defensive side too. Well, boo hoo, Bron, you can't have it both ways. It's similar to the girl who wears a see through dress and then acts like she's shocked when everyone stares at her nipples all night. If you throw a celebration for signing a contract, have a primetime special dedicated to you, and make fun of the one guy who's kicking your ass for 2 weeks, then you have to deal with the repercussions: all eyes are on you.

Night of The Living Haters

If last Thursday's meltdown in Miami was Christmas for LeBron haters, then last night's no show was New Year's Eve, your 21st birthday and losing your virginity all rolled in one. Much like how the previous 2 rounds of unprecedented LeBron clutchness and awesome play in the 4th quarters were the worst possible ways for the Heat to win for Hater nation, these 2 losses in the Finals have been like Manna from heaven. You might have thought (as I did) that the haters were dead and buried by the sheer power of James and the Heat, but the hater has been resurrected. LeBron and the Heat choke away a 15 point fourth quarter lead after their usual premature celebrations (LeBron you punk!), and now LeBron barely shows a pulse in what might have been the turning point of the series, scoring in single digits for the first time in his 90 game playoff career (LeBron shrinks again!). It can't get any better as an Exhibit A for the haters.

Last night's performance was eerily similar to game 5 vs. the Celtics last season, the game that some people (including, most angrily, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert) accused Bron Bron of intentionally quitting on the team since he already had South Beach in his sites. So what's the excuse now? The only justification for all the douche baggery of "The Decision" and the pre season "we did it" circle jerk to calling yourself King would be winning what he claims is most important to him: a championship. Yet, in the biggest game of the season (before tomorrow's game stole that title) in which Miami could have dealt a knock out blow to the Mavs, LeBron comes out lacking any aggression and playing as passively as ever. It's all very strange and is proving the haters right. He's so talented and physically gifted that those of us who were on the fence about the guy (I'd put myself in that category even though I'm a Heat hater) wanted to believe that any game like last night or Game 5 vs. Boston had to be because of an ulterior motive, like a teammate was banging his mother, or he wanted to force his way out of the city. Maybe he's just not built for the spotlight like we thought. Even scarier, maybe Hater J is right and he's just a pussy. Anything less than a game winner and a 35 point average over the next 2 or 3 games, and it'll be hard to erase the memory of last night and game 5 from LeBron's legacy. The haters are on the verge of a takeover.

NBA Finals Preview: The Beginning of The End

We're back. I hope everyone had a lazy, BBQ filled weekend without too many annoying friends you didn't want to see or heartburn. Now, it's time for basketball again after what seems like weeks. The couple games every day that are played during the first 3 rounds really become a habit, then suddenly no games for 4 days and I feel like Pookie in New Jack City. "It just keeps calling me". I probably need some new hobbies.

Anyway, tonight finally brings game 1 of the NBA Finals or the beginning of the end for most haters out there. Championship rings have this strange aura about them, able to erase years of bad reputations. LeBron's already half way there since he's morphed into Mr. Clutch this postseason. What about the other guys who will be playing?

Point Guard:
Mike Bibby vs. Jason Kidd

8 years ago, if you would've taken a poll asking which marquee PG would still be leading their teams to finals in 2011, it may have been split between these two guys. Bibby was a young up and comer who had proven to be a clutch shooter with the Kings and Jason was already 30. No matter, Kidd is no longer the speedy passer he was, but is now a wily vet, 3-point shooting floor general and Mike Bibby is filling the requisite 5th player role. They might as well play 4 on 5.
Advantage: Mavs

Shooting Guard:
Dwyane Wade vs. Deshawn Stevenson/Jet Terry
I swear I have to say to myself "Dwhy-ane" every time I write that name. What's the deal, Mrs. Reverend Wade? I know you had a drug problem but damn. Deshawn starts for whatever reason, but Terry is probably Dallas's 2nd best scorer.
Advantage: Dwhy-ane and the Heat.

Small Forward:
LeBron vs. Shawn Marion
Damn, Dallas has a late 90's early 2000s all star team. Me and my brothers used to create teams on NBA Live 98 or whatever it was. If Dallas still had Steve Nash, this Mavs team could have definitely been one of them. I heard the Matrix has a reality show coming out after the season. I'd rather eat nails then watch that.
Advantage: Heat

Power Forward:
Chris Bosh vs. Dirk Nowitzki
Yeah, I guess I should take back all the RuPaul insults, Bosh has been money this spring. But he'll be facing off against the other player who everyone will be watching this series. Many people view this as Dirk's last stand (I'm not totally sure of that) but the way he's been playing, he looks to be on a mission.
Advantage: Mavs

Center:
Joel Anthony vs. Tyson Chandler
Tyson's gone from underrated to almost over-rated this playoffs. He does a serviceable job out there though and is 100 times better than Joel. The sarcastic MVP chants from the Miami crowd are actually pretty funny, though.
Advantage: Mavs

Bench:
This is probably the clearest advantage for Dallas outside of the point guard match-up. Dallas' biggest strength this playoffs has been it's bench. Nicholas brother NBA Live all-star Peja and Terry lead the attack. My guess is Spoelstra will keep at least 2 of the big 3 out there at all times so as not to get too exposed (and that's what he's been doing most of these playoffs anyway) although Haslem and Mike Miller have been a spark lately.
Advantage: Mavs

Coach:
Spoelstra vs. Rick Carlisle
A chimp could roll the ball out on the floor and coach this Miami squad on offense, but you have to give Spo' some credit for getting the Heat to play defense like they do. Carlisle has much more experience though so he has an edge like Derek Jeter.
Advantage: Mavs

Unbelievably, that leaves the Heat with only 2 clear cut advantages here. Shouldn't conventional sports wisdom tell us that the team concept will win out over those 2 guys? Well, throw your grampy's basketball book out the window, Bron and Wade are finishing what Jordan and then Kobe and Shaq started. It's a superstar league and Miami has twice as many of those as Dallas. To paraphrase a recently passed Gil Scott Heron, "The Revolution Will Be Televised". I'm part of the hater brigade this year (weird to be on the hater side after rooting for the Lakers the past 3 seasons) so I hope that I'm wrong like I have been all playoffs (plus Dallas has been so great as an underdog this playoffs I can't pick against them), but I think the end is near for the hater. Long live the king.

Bulls vs Heat Game 5 Recap: The Slow, Agonizing Death of The Haters

I was all ready to post about Wade having double the amount of turnovers as field goals, and having a picture of Kurt "Crazy Eyes Killah" Thomas up there, and then the Heat decided to ruin everyone's fun.

In a collapse that was equally as shocking as the Thunder's choke job vs. Dallas a couple nights ago, the Bulls totally fell apart and the Heat played about as perfectly as humanly possible. After a Ronnie Brewer three gave Chicago a 12 point lead with a little over 3 minutes left, it seemed to everyone that there would be a must win game 6 for both teams. Game 7 in Chicago Memorial Day evening would be tough for the Heat to pull off. This Heat team is on the verge of choking! Haters rejoice! Can't hold a 3-1 lead without your mommy holding your hand, LeBum?

And then they hit 9 straight shots and won the game.

While this game might be just as indicative of a young team unravelling as games 4 and 5 for the Thunder, what makes this type of win more monumental is the fact that everyone outside of South Beach (all those fools who were celebrating like they won the Super Bowl last night) is rooting against this team. A couple of folks might want to see OKC do well because of Durant or their underdog appeal, but no one really hates the Mavericks. Dirk Nowitzki is the most benign superstar and Jason Kidd might be an asshole off the court, but you'd be hard pressed to find a rabid Kidd hater these days. Dallas makes a comeback and it's a glorious moment that will be a part of playoff lore for years to come. Miami does the same and it feels like the bad guys are winning again. It's exciting for sure, but could a team win in a more agonizing fashion? The Heat were dead and resurrected in the span of 15 real time minutes. Have we reached a point where the haters are almost the victims of bad karma? Could all the anger and hatred directed at LeBron and the Heat all year be backfiring now? Should we just embrace the Heat as the future of professional sports? Probably not, but being a hater never felt so bad.

Bulls vs Heat Game 4 Recap: MIke Miller and The Heat Get The Monkey Off Their Back and Heat Fans are Retarded

Day before yesterday, I wrote how the Heat were turning the basketball world upside down and were going to stage their own 3-man revolution. Well, I guess Mike Miller took offense to that and decided he would show the world that there are actually other players on the Heat team who do occasionally throw the ball in the hoop. Miller was lights out in the 4th quarter, hitting all 4 of his shots, on a night when Dwyane Wade looked as bad as I'd ever seen him (despite his midnight shooting session the night before). While Udonis Haslem was a surprise contributor in game 2 due to his injuries, Miller has basically been non-existent all season and had pretty much been written off the key contributor list. If they can continue to get scoring from him, (which I doubt) Miami would be unstoppable. Still, the Heat were able to get something out of a guy they thought would be their biggest off-season addition outside of the big 3.

Before I say anything else about last night's contest, a word about Heat fans. They are stupid. And I mean that in every sense of the word. I'm sure there's a couple of real, knowledgable basketball fans (M@d $cientist included) who have been there since the Steve Smith and Brian Shaw days and behave themselves in a sensible manner, but for the most part, Heat fans are very stupid. They only show up when the team is winning (and even then they don't do so until late into the first quarter). The empty red and yellow seats in the AAA are so unsightly, that the team has begun putting white shirts ON THE SEATS. It's like the old joke about the sell out crowd in disguise as empty seats; Heat brass have resorted to literally dressing up seats as fans. I'd venture a guess that most of the hot girls and other tanned douche-bags in attendance couldn't pick Glen Rice out of a line-up let alone be able to claim being there since the beginning. I still remember the crowds in Miami being practically split down the middle between transplanted Knicks fans and Heat fans during the 90s so the fans in Miami have always been about as fair weather as..well, the weather.

Their basketball I.Q. is not the greatest either, as evidenced by the cheers of delight after LeBron did the Kevin Garnett block of a shot 5 seconds after a foul (even Steve Kerr got a chuckle out of that). Also, how about chanting about an actual player for the opposing team, instead of about a loudmouth TNT broadcaster like Barkley that no one pays attention to anyway? Maybe a clever chant like "Noah's a Fag"? If Joakim called a New York fan that on live tv, he'd be ducking D batteries on his way off the court. And while you're at it, ditch the t-shirt throwing thing. I understand most Heat pseudo-fans haven't been to many sporting events outside of wet t-shirt contests, but those towels and t-shirts are meant to be waved, twirled or worn, not tossed in the air like it's new year's eve after every win.

Now that I got my Hater J on, as for the game: The Bulls continued to struggle for long stretches on offense, partly due to great Heat D, and partly due to plain old missing shots. Rose was particularly awful for most of the game, and LeBron's defense on him at the end of the 4th and O.T. played a big part in that. Chicago has a slightly better chance than OKC being that they play 2 out of the next 3 at home (win game 5 and as they say, the pressure switches back to the Heat) but like the Western Conference Finals, Game 4 may have been the back breaker for the losing team. Both teams were a minute away from evening the series and now they're both a game away from vacations. The idiots will be celebrating soon.

Bulls vs Heat Game 3 Recap: Chris Bosh, LeBron and The Heat Revolutionize Basketball

Sometime in the very near future (like mid-June) we might be talking about "remember when we all thought the Heat weren't going to be able to beat the Celtics?" or "remember when we all thought the Bulls would dominate the Heat like they did in the regular season?" and maybe most surprisingly "remember when everyone thought Chris Bosh was a big pussy who didn't belong on the same court as the other two guys, and will get eaten alive by Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah?". Oh, how naive we all were. Chris Bosh (up there literally taking a back seat to LeBron) continued to be the best player on the court in this series (his one off game, the team won anyway), barely missing a shot after the first quarter and the Bulls continued to look awful offensively.

A lot of credit for Bosh's sudden manliness has gone to Boozer's pre-series dismissal of him, and you have to think there's some truth to that, since he's playing as aggressive as I've ever seen him play. Whatever the reason for his awakening, the Bulls better figure some way quick to stop him. Then again, once they figure Bosh out, there's those other 2 guys. If the Heat big 3 experiment has taught us anything this season, it's that you really can win with 3 guys. You don't need a superstar coach like Phil Jackson to manage the personalities, or a top-notch point guard to run the show, or even a Steve Kerr or Robert Horry clutch bomber. You get 2 of the greatest players of all time and a very good player and you might just win the whole damn thing. Take that, haters.

With every win, Miami is revolutionizing professional basketball. While that "We Did It" bullshit up there originally looked as appropriate as Bush's "Mission Accomplished" sign, it's beginning to look more and more like this team is going to win it all. Easily. Even if LeBron or Wade aren't Jordan (who's unparalleled greatness alongside Pippen gets most of the credit for those thinly talented Bulls team's success), and the supporting cast is still terrible, it doesn't mean a thing. If you stop LeBron, you have Wade, and if you stop him, you have Bosh. The odds of all 3 having off games is minuscule. All those experts who declared the Heat's struggles as justification for real team basketball are going to be proved wrong by the 3 player team that's too good for all of the old school "play the right way" teams or even any team that's ever picked up a basketball anywhere in the world. You're always taught that a team is only as good as the sum of it's parts, a team that plays together as a team with reasonable talent will beat the superstar laden team, etc, etc. The Heat are going to prove all of that mumbo jumbo to be loser talk; stuff coaches of weakling, ordinary teams tell their pedestrian, non-superstar players to get them to believe that the big bullies don't always win. After LeBron and Wade shove the Bulls' faces in the toilets, they'll move on to stuffing Nowitzki in a locker. Basketball will never be the same.

Bulls vs Heat Game 2 Recap: Pardon The Udonis

Pardon the who?!? You read correct, Udonis Haslem. The forgotten man in Miami who missed the majority of the Heat season and had played all of 9 minutes of the 2011 playoffs going into tonight. But there was Mr. Florida basketball carrying the Heat through the latter part of the third quarter and first couple minutes of the 4th when the Big 3 was silent. Haslem's been around for a while now. He's the only other hold over from the 06 championship team besides Wade, and he holds the distinction of being the only player in history to win championships at the high school, college and pro level in Florida as well as the last person on Earth still rocking corn rows. Bottle kept telling me how important he was to the team, but nobody listens to Bottle (even if he's right more often than that squid). And right Bottle was again this time; Haslem scored 11 in the third alone, including two Taj Gibson like dunks from out of nowhere.

It probably speaks more to the sad state of Miami big men than anything else that a guy scoring 15 points is national news, but Haslem gave Miami the spark that they needed as they sleep walked through the first 2 quarters. Besides his unexpected play, though, the other storyline of last night's game was the defense. As Hater J pointed out, it was almost like watching Riley's Miami teams of the '90s out there for some stretches. I half expected Dan Majerle to hit a 3 at some point. LeBron himself had warned people not to expect high scoring this series, and this game definitely lived up to that hype. With the extra days in between games in this series, (game 3 is being played some time before the 4th of July) both coaching staffs will be able to tweak their defenses, (something they specialize in) and last night it showed. The Heat were excellent at cutting off Rose's paths to the basket and the Bulls defense was it's usual suffocating self for most of the game. This isn't to say that Chicago didn't have their chances. All the threes that they were hitting in game 1 weren't going down this time. Kyle Korver, in particular, continued his recent struggles, and he appears to be totally distracted since the announcement that he'll be Charlie Sheen's replacement on Two and a Half Men. Being the slow white guy that he is, he's virtually useless if he's not connecting on at least a couple shots from outside. Reggie Miller suggested during the broadcast that Thibs might have to sit him if this keeps up, and I might have to agree with that.

The final storyline of this unsightly game was the continuation of the sudden transformation to Mr. Clutch by LeBron James. The guy who was branded a choke artist by everyone from Hater J to his own fellow players (he didn't receive one vote on S.I.'s player poll of who should take the last shot) has miraculously transformed himself into the closer. Of course, the perception of Bron as not a big time player was a little overblown anyway. He's hit big shots before in his career (game winners vs. Washington, the buzzer beater vs. Orlando, his domination in Detroit) but last year's meltdown is still fresh in most people's minds (game 5 at least, he still had a great game 6), and some people are just haters. He's changed his late game strategy a bit, though, taking long 3s with confidence and relatively simple pull up jumpers going to his left or right, rather than the ugly lay-up flings that weren't working earlier in the season in crunch time. Even superstar athletic freaks of nature need some confidence some times and he seems to be shooting with supreme confidence late in games now. I don't like the Heat but it has more to do with Riley and the "big 3"'s attitudes as well as residual hate from the 90's (although if you told the 14 year old Bagels that I would be rooting for the Bulls one day, I'd probably smack you with my Jansport). I never doubted any of their skills or abilities.

Now, the series heads to South Beach. In keeping with the league's Green initiative, the players will walk from Chicago to save jet fuel, hence the long lay-off. We'll see how the supporting cast plays away from home (my man Taj seems to feed off the energy of the crowd and vice versa), if Udonis keeps up his Lazarus like comeback and if the Bulls can snap out of their offensive funk. Should be fun.

The Most Hated Person In Sports: The Front Runner

George Carlin had his famous 7 dirty words you can't say on television routine back in the '70s, and while most of those have changed with the shifting morals of acceptability on tv, there are still a handful of words that could start a fight in most locker rooms and sports bars: Choker, flopper, Mets fan and maybe the worst label, frontrunner. Those other names usually reference a flaw in your game or mentality that could be fixed or reversed with the right image-changing moments (just ask Dirk). But a front-runner is the worst kind of sports person, be it a fan or player, coach, whatever. An emotionally weak person who latches on to the successes of others (at least that's how it's perceived).

We all know a few front-runners in our lives. That kid from your office who all of a sudden is a die-hard Heat fan and probably doesn't even know who Bimbo Coles is. The guy at the deli in the Cowboys Jacket who's never left Brooklyn but lives and dies for the 'Boys, or the Jordan fanatic turned Kobe lover turned LeBron supporter (I'm partly guilty of this one). These types are everywhere. In New York, we get a ton of these characters; just take a look around you on the subway when the Jets were making their recent runs. I never knew there were that many Green and white supporters during the Rich Kotite years, because there weren't. Or the bandwagon jumping Knicks fans who ran out to get their Carmelo #7 t-shirts, and then quickly remembered why they jumped ship in the first place. Those types of fans, though, are preferable to the die-hards for teams that aren't even in their city. The guy who grew up being a Braves and Cowboys fan because of their dominance in the '90s are way worse than the fan who wakes up to root for his home-town team whenever they start winning. You can witness this phenomenon any Winter Sunday at your local bar. There's no way that many people moved here from Pittsburgh (I don't even think that many people live in Pittsburgh, I've never met one person actually from there).

Why do we hate these guys so much? Because they like to take the easy way out, rooting for whatever team is on the winning side at any given time. Die-hard sports fans who stick with their team through the good, the basd and the Isiah, can't stand the preening idiot in the Stoudemire jersey who swears he's been down since day one, while the true fans bear the scars of Shandon Anderson and Jerome James starting lineups. This is also the reason so many people hate LeBron and Bosh (and to a lesser extent Wade). As many people have pointed out since last July, these two carpetbaggers couldn't handle things on their own and had to team up and form some kind of a half-assed super team. Fans can't just trade in their team allegiances (they could but deep down they still care about whatever team they ditched). We all wish we could call our agents and say, I'm done with these asshole Mets, I want to be a part of a winner, but it's not that easy and we don't want to be perceived as douche-bag frontrunners, a gene that Cowboys, Yankees and Notre Dame fan LeBron lacks.

So, next time a Heat fan asks you why you're one of the millions of people rooting for the Bulls and (if they fail) whoever makes it out of the West, tell them you just can't stand a front-runner and then get ready to fight.

Bulls vs Heat Game 1 Recap: First Blood

I'm going to try to recap what I think will be the best series of the 2011 playoffs (although every thing I've predicted thus far has been wrong) since there's about 2 weeks in between each game. Nice of David Stern to give me time to get my thoughts together. So, let's get it started.

Last night saw the Bulls draw first blood. Like most game 1s, it can go any of many different ways. The team that just won a grueling or emotional series (in this case the Heat) can either carry that momentum into this next series, or can experience the hangover from exerting all that energy. The Heat started off the game looking like they would fall into the former category. LeBron had a steal, 50 foot assist to Wade for a dunk, another steal, dunk and block shot in about 90 seconds. I immediately texted Bottle that LeBron was poised to dominate, however before I could even press send on a "Bron is dominating" (or something witty like that) text to Hater J. all hell broke loose. Brooklyn's own Taj Gibson absolutely posterized Chicago homeboy D-Wade. It's the type of dunk that will be shown over and over again until M@d $cientist contemplates giving up on sports forever. The type of dunk that Scoop Jackson could write an entire article about. The type of dunk that gets blown way out of proportion by everyone who writes about it. So maybe it's not the turning point in the series or a sign that "these Bulls are for real" or something silly like that, but it was a hell of a play.

And on the game went, back and forth, the Bulls bench outplaying the Miami subs (no surprise there) MVP D. Rose calming down after the early turnovers to hit a bunch of 3s and Chris Bosh of all people dominating down low. Eric Spoelstra made the curious decision to keep Big Zydrunas in a suit, even though you would think that his ability to hit the stand-still jumper would work vs. Noah, who likes to roam the paint. No matter, Bosh seemed out to dominate Boozer after the blatant disrespect that Carlos showed him during the ATL series, refusing to even call him by name and only referring to the Big 2 (even if he's right). The TNT guys said that Boozer was mostly irked that he didn't get an invite to the Heat this off-season and there was a little jealousy happening there. Imagine if Boozer had gone to the Heat, they would have the two most hated players in Cleveland history in their starting lineup. The only thing that could make Cleveland angrier would be to suit Art Modell up in a pair of Heat shorts and let him play power forward. Whatever drove him, Bosh dominated.

Unfortunately for the Heat, he was the only one who showed up. Wade struggled most of the game, and LeBron (whether it was due to Luol Deng's D or not) never got it going after the 1st minute that got me so excited. A close game in the third quarter (Miami actually had a 1 point lead) turned into a Chicago explosion punctuated by another Taj NBA Jam like dunk. I expect the Heat to play much better next game, but the Bulls defense may prove to be too much for them to keep from coming back to Miami down 2-0. So expect the Heat to win by 20.
TAJ!!!!

Heat vs. Celtics Preview: LeBron's Revenge?

This is what we've all been waiting for, and by "we" I mean everyone who pays attention to LeBron James, all of the haters and those of us who hate him a little bit less. When Bron made his decision last summer, you know he had the Celtics in mind. If they could get a big 3 together and torture him in the postseason, why the hell not form his own super team on South Beach? He was coming off an ugly playoff loss to Boston in which he would be accused of everything from choking under the pressure to actually intentionally tanking a game. Everyone from his former owner (who basically made the allegation that he threw games 5 and 6 despite a triple double in the latter) to Bill Simmons (who has hinted that a certain player named Delonte having relations with his mother may have been the reason for his end of series change in attitude, and who just so happens to play for the Celtics now) have analyzed the last 3 games of last year's Cavs-Celtics series like it was the zapruder film. LeBron has to come out and average close to a triple double, 30 points and some how manage some end of game shots to get the Boston monkey off his back. If he can do that, with the help of his new buddies, he can at least say the most unpopular decision in sports history would be somewhat worth it. Hate all you want on him, but he got past the Celtics finally.

That's easier said than done. The Celtics played like garbage for about 40% of the Knicks series but still managed the first sweep of the Big 3 era. The Heat are kind of a magnified version of the Knicks (by about 1000 percent, but still) as they throw 3 good to great players out there alongside a motley crew of nobodies, except their big trio is actually healthy. They'll also have trouble keeping up with Rondo and have no real intimidators on the interior, even if their defense is still near the top of the league. Boston seemed to progressively get better in the last series (minus about a 8 minute period in the second half of the close out game) and the ridiculous stretched out schedule for this series (David Stern needs the Heat on Sunday) should benefit the Celtic senior citizens. Ex Miami center Shaq might even make some appearances before he breaks his hip.Home court is usually a big deal, but this veteran Boston team can win on the road so that shouldn't be a huge issue. Whatever happens, it should be intense and all of us haters will be watching. I hate all things Boston and especially these Celtics so it'll be tough for me, but I think I hate this Heat team even more.

Celtics win a game 7 in Miami.

Heat Considering Signing Overweight Has Been?

Reports leaked over the weekend that the Miami Heat had worked out, and were considering signing, PTU Dog House inductee and all around useless former Knick, Eddy Curry. Although the Daily News' source was quoted as saying the possibility of signing Fat Ed was "50/50", Pat Riley almost immediately squashed the reports as speculative at best, and insisted that Curry was just one of 10 or so players the Heat worked out.

LeBron Hides?

In what has to be a first for professional sports, an uninjured player skipped the starting line-up introductions. Not a big deal, unless you consider that the player was LeBron James and the starting line-up introductions were in Cleveland. This wasn't your every day, average game between two teams with disparate records at the end of March. The majority of fans who attended the game were there just to boo LeBron (and cheer on the Cavs secondly). The starting lineups were part of the main attraction for this game, and whatever excuse Bron has for hiding in the locker room is going to come off as lame (especially since he said he was in the rest room). Once again, whoever's advising LeBum really needs to reconsider their career. Even if it's not that big of a deal, don't you think you'd want to show how tough you are and withstand the boos from all of those fans who cheered you for so long? Maybe LeBron really has accepted his villain role, and the best way to combat 20,000 people who curse out you and your mother is to not even give them the satisfaction. Or maybe he was just taking a dump (I guess he is allowed that). Or maybe he just punked out.

Either way, the Cavs put on a good show for their long suffering fans, nearly blowing a 23 point lead (Mike Bibby led the charge for Miami hitting a ton of 3s)and withstanding a strange call at the end of the third quarter in which the refs awarded a 60 footer to Bron that came after the buzzer because the clock started early instead of just giving them a do-over. Still, the Cavs hung tough behind their scrappy group of no-names and the new Ocho Cinco (Baron Davis) and overcame Bron's triple double. Good for them and good for Cleveland. They still got their boos in at the end of the game.

Here's video of the subtle throat slit hand gesture Bron made at someone in the crowd last night as the Heat began their third quarter rally. Not sure who it's directed at (could have been one of his friends or family members if he has any left in the Ohio area) but there it is.

Heat vs. Cavs Preview

Guess who's back? Eh, it's just LeBron. Tonight, the Heat return to Cleveland for Peppino's second game in front of his former fans with about a millionth of the hype that accompanied his first game there way back in early December. That night, there were stories of elevated security around the court, possible death threats, a ridiculous TNT opening montage, and eventually a sad reminder to the people of Cleveland of why they were all so sad he left in the first place.

That game was a turning point for both teams. Way back then, the Heat were going through something similar to what the Knicks are now, looking all unsure and sloppy on the court, losing at home to teams like Indiana, and inspiring Hater J and Skip Bayless (In the Knicks' case, it's Bottle and Peter Vescey) and everyone else who loved to hate them. Meanwhile, the Cavs were the scrappy scorned team, who maybe could fight their way into the playoffs. That is, until 5 minutes into the game. The Heat ran away with it, and LeBron could have had 50 if it weren't such a blowout. Since then, the Heat went on a huge run through December, and despite some issues in close games and vs. winning teams, they've been a pretty good team, while the Cavs were historically bad. Definite buzz kill. The game wasn't even nationally televised until it got the fan vote on NBA TV (which Miami gets every week the Lakers aren't playing).

Last month, Cleveland traded away Mo Williams and a couple others, and most of the rest of the guys who played with LeCabron are sitting on the bench in street clothes. If the first game was like bumping into the ex-girlfriend who left you for some douche bag (or like going to her wedding, like the devastated Mo said) then tonight's game is more like losing your job and being evicted, and your ex-wife driving by your box on the side of the highway in her Lexus (the Heat aren't quite Bentleys). The Cavs are truly putrid (except when they play the Knicks), which I suppose only adds to LeBron's unlikeableness. Hometown kid seeks his fortune by the beach with his spoiled friends, and comes back around a couple times a year to kick some dirt in his old friends' faces. When you see what remained in Cleveland, though, we can blame him but I guess we should all be able to understand the thought process behind it. It's still fun to call him names, though.

I think this game will be closer than the last, but still have the same end result.

Dunk of the Night

The Heat lost last night to a very good Thunder team, but for a couple minutes in the first half they gave us all a reminder of why everyone was so excited to get these guys together last summer. During a 3 minute span, Bosh had a tip in dunk, LeBron had 3 dunks (including a ridiculous baseline reverse) and Wade had this candidate for dunk of the season. I also liked him bringing back the cabbage patch (he might have been inspired by team mate Juwan Howard's celebration during the Fab 5 doc).

Heat vs. Spurs Preview

The roller coaster season continues for El Heat. After the horrors of their 5 game losing streak (and all the other crap that went along with it) they've settled down with a win over the Lakers and an absolute domination of Memphis. While those wins were nice, and it shut me and Hater J up for a couple days, Wade and them can really make a statement with a win vs. Los Spurs tonight (I am also taking part in the NBA's celebration of its' storied Latin heritage. All 10 Latin players in league history are I'm sure very appreciative). After getting smacked around in San Antonio the Friday before last, a win tonight could at least be evidence that Miami's moving in the right direction headed towards the playoffs and would be another one of those pesky wins over an elite team that have been so tough for them to get this season.

Should be a close game, but I still like the Spurs to show their veteran savvy tonight and give us all some more reason to hate again. Thank God.