PTU Religion Hall of Shame

This morning I read a disturbing NYDN article which sparked the idea for this list. While I'm not an atheist and I'm not going to get into the merits of religion, many religions certainly have really crazy rules and practices, which in any other context would seem completely insane. Being equal opportunity haters here at PTU we won't focus on any one religion, although since we mostly know Catholics and Jews they feature most prominently on the list. There are so many crazy things to chose from but these are the ones that stood out.

5) No Cursing
This seems to be a stupid rule all religions have but only your grandmother follows. Here is something someone made up when they wrote the bible: Ephesians 4:29 tells us, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."


As a prime example of this sin, here is the NEW KANYE WEST MERCY VIDEO (it also helps get us hits).





4) No Masturbating
Seriously? Most religions (except some Protestants) seem to forbid this, although I couldn't find any specific holy scriptures addressing the issue. If there was ever a rule that should be broken, this is probably it. My best evidence is found here in some nerd paper called Sonographic observation of in utero fetal "masturbation". If god made humans and we get this going before we are even born in my mind this activity is fully sanctioned, end of story.

3) Don't eat Shellfish
This one is pretty confusing growing up in an Italian household since every Christmas we seem to eat lobster and shrimp in honor of Jesus. Apparently some guy named Leviticus worked for the beef lobby and got this clause inserted in the bible "And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you".

2) Your wife can't grab the balls of a guy mugging her husband
I have to thank crazy list site http://www.11points.com/ for coming up with this one. Apparently there is some concern that if your wife squeezes the balls of some guy attacking her husband she is being inappropriate.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 "If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, ¹² you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity." What a whore your wife is, you are being attacked and she is trying to grab some guys balls! (okay the bible didn't say that last part).


1) Drinking the blood from newly circumcised penises 
Seriously WTF!! This is the story we were talking about this morning that spurred the idea for this post. Apparently one sect of Ultra-Orthodox Jewish people has an ancient ritual where they suck the blood out of the wound after a circumcision. I have to think some sick weirdo came up with this ritual thousands of years ago, because I can't imagine any logical way this would please God.

A PTU Tribute To Sriracha Sauce

I've long been a fan of the Sriracha sauce pictured above (apparently there are actually different kinds) but recently I've been spreading the gospel. If you haven't tried the sauce contained in the bottle above and you don't have bleeding ulcers, you need to find a bottle right away. Don't be deterred by the fact that this is sometimes referred to as "cock sauce", it tastes good trust me.

BORING HISTORY: The sauce is derived from a recipe that originated in the Thai Coastal city of Si Racha, hence the name. The Thai versions of the sauce are typically different from the cock sauce we know and love in the U.S., with a typical profile that is sweeter, tangier, and thinner. The cock sauce formula shown above was created by David Tran, founder of Huy Fong Foods in China.

More importantly, this sauce can make anything taste good. In particular if you are pretending to be healthy and eat boring egg whites in the morning, there is nothing better than applying heaping amounts of this sauce to add some heat and flavor (just be careful how much you add if you want to enjoy your 11am trip to the bathroom). As Motown Marxist pointed out via the blog theoatmeal.com, cock sauce is also really great at making crappy take-out Chinese food full of fatty meat pieces taste somewhat edible.

With this post, PTU names Sriracha Sauce the OFFICIAL SAUCE OF PTU! I'm not sure what that gets them, but I think we just wanted to express our love for this sauce.

Jim Thome - Hall of Fame?

The real life Paul Bunyan, Jim Thome, is within weeks of hitting his 600th home run. Consider two facts: one, that Thome has never been linked to performance-enhancing drugs; and two, that every non-steroid player who has ever hit 500 or more home runs has made the Hall of Fame. Makes a strong case for the big doofy lumberjack.

The positive: 589 home runs (8th all-time), 1627 RBIs (30th), .559 slugging (20th), .404 on-base (49th), 1535 runs (57th), and 5 all-star game appearances.

The negative: .277 average, 2401 strike-outs (2nd), 0 MVPs, 0 World Series Rings (he was on the Indians team that lost in the 11th inning to the Marlins, and the Philles won 3 years after he left the team). Also, he was not known as a good defensive player.

Does he make it to Cooperstown? Would he fit through the door frame?

YES and MAYBE.

PTU salutes Chris Mullin

The basketball Hall of Fame finalists were announced today and while there were some surprise omissions one of the names made all of us at PTU happy. Brooklyn's own Chris Mullin. Born in the Flatlands, Mullin eventually played for Xaverian high school and St. Johns. A true New York guy, every time I hear him speak as an analyst for ESPN it reminds me of how rare it is to hear an athlete with an authentic Brooklyn accent. Despite a terrible case of white man's disease (at 6'7'' I'm not sure I ever saw him dunk) Mullin played 15 very productive years in the league and was a part of the mythical orginal Dream Team. He is also the only former NBA player who looks like he should be bartending at Kettle Black.

Chris Mullin, PTU salutes you. Here's hoping you represent Brooklyn in the Hall of Fame soon.