Who Wins a Fight Between Drake and Chris Brown?

Recently, M@d $cientist posted about fights he would like to see including a bear and a shark in outer space. Meanwhile, in reality, there has been a serious beef brewing between two of the most hated (and loved) guys in hip hop. Everyone's favorite Canadian Jew rapper Drake has recently been Twitter tussling with everyone's favorite woman beating punk Chris Brown, and it's recently erupted into bottle throwing cat fighting. All this reportedly over Rhianna, who every day seems to fall faster into cracked out Linsday Lohan territory . I'll admit the alleged first shot that is Drake's "I'm still fucking Rhianna" note is extremely badass but that doesn't take away from the fact that neither of these guys will probably ever have an actual fight. Who would win if these two were to ever let their entourages take a day off and really shoot a fair one? Let's break it down.

Both of these guys main strength is the ability to be simultaneously misognystic and loved by women at the same time. Drake's recently had lyrics like "she could have a grammy, I'll still treat her ass like a nominee" and Chris Brown punches women in the face. This ability doesn't really translate to street fighting though. Still, Drake has seemingly never been in a fight in his life (unless he got into at the craft service table on the set of Degrassi) and we KNOW CB can throw a punch. Also, Brown stands nearly 6-4 and is very athletic. Drake played a basketball player on Nickelodeon, but by all accounts is as athletic as every other Jewish Canadian. That is, not very. This isn't to say that Chris Brown would mop the floor with Wheelchair Jimmy. On the contrary, I think this would be a fairly even fight with neither participant landing many blows, and some occasional wrestling on the ground. In the end, Chris Brown wins an ugly, feminine fight. This will never happen because their vast entourages, agents, label heads, and hanger ons will ensure that these two are never in the same room again, close enough to scratch each other's eyes out. And even if they were, as tough as they talk on twitter, both of these douche bags would most likely prefer to say they're sorry, curl up with the latest sequel to 50 Shades of Grey, and have a cup of green tea than actually fight. I'd still rather see the shark and the bear.

Fights I would love to see

I just finished watching Skip Bayless on ESPN, and of course watching him made me angry.This post is a manifestation  of my anger.

5. First fight I would love to see is Bear vs Shark

Both of these animals dominate their prospective territories. The Shark rules the ocean, the Bear rules the forest. The best place for these two animals to have this epic showdown would be in outer space

Outcome: Who cares? Its a bear vs a shark in outer space I would be f'ing awesome.

4.Pete Rose vs Thurman Munson

I never saw Pete Rose or Thurman Munson play, but the highlight of Pete Rose destroying Ray Fosse in the 1970 All-Star game and ending his career ,made me wish that there was a catcher out there that Rose should fight. Munson should be that man to fight for the honor of all catchers out there. Outcome: Munson just overpowers Rose, but Rose secretly wagers a million on himself losing hence why Munson just destroys him.

3. Mike Tyson vs Lyle Alzado

Two men on two different types of crazy. Alzado fueled by Roids, Tyson fueled by his personal demons. Whatever venue hold this match would just explode. Outcome: This match would most likely end both Tyson and Alzado killing each other.

2. Bruce Lee vs .Royce Gracie

Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris who is the modern day version of bad ass, Royce Gracie beat everybody and everything in every weight class when the UFC first started out. He may have not put it on the map but he gave it a face. When I saw him beat boxers, 400lb guys, and basically everything they threw at him I often wondered how bad Bruce Lee would have beaten him. Bruce Lee is legendary and basically "Unreal Bro". Without Bruce Lee there would be no Royce Gracie, Jackie Chan, or any other Martial Artist you enjoy watching. Outcome Bruce Lee distracts Royce with his yells and just plainly knocks him out.

1. Skip Bayless vs Stephen A. Smith in a steel cage.

First of all I feel like these two have already fought , at some point off camera these guys must have tried to kill each other.

Skip Bayless is paid to make me and everybody else angry, he is a paid to hate, could be the worst kind of hater since he most likely doesn't believe half of the things that come out of his mouth. Stephen on the other hand must be paid by the volume of his voice, I never seen a person scream or raise his voice for no reason like he does. Unfortunately the type of spin that these two provide is entertaining hence why they are paid and on tv, but please ESPN when you are done using these clowns nothing would make me happier then seeing these two try to kill each other in a steel cage Outcome: Skip Bayless most likely has no heart, Stephan probably has too much of it. Stephen dominates Bayless in what would be the most entertaining fight that I would love to see.

These are the fights I would pay and love to see, got a better match up? Please let me know with your comments