Worst Creepers of All-Time

When you're famous, women (and sometimes men) throw themselves at you everywhere you go. You would think, with all the money and power they possess, they would be able to have discreet affairs outside of their relationships. Well, the following celebs prove that this assumption is not always true.

5) Kobe Bryant

Kobe brought his wife Vanessa - once a skanky rap video model - from rags to riches, complete with a boob job, plenty of plastic surgery, and even an automatic Lambo (which he got specially made). Then, while in Colorado having knee surgery, he was accused of attempted rape by a 19 year old hotel worker. He eventually settled the case (by spending tons of $$$) and smoothed things over with his wife (even more $$). Who knew creeping could be so expensive?

4) Marv Albert

Marv's victim - a former lover - accused him of biting her several times on her back while he wore a wig and panties. They eventually settled the case, but not before Marv temporarily lost his job and became the laughing stock of America.

3) Hugh Grant

Grant, who was in a relationship with Elizabeth Hurley (one of the hottest chicks alive), was caught with a Hollywood prostitute named Divine Brown. He received two years probation and was required to attend an AIDS education program. How she got the name Divine is clearly a mystery. (Just look at the pics above.)

2) Eddie Murphy
Eddie, like Hugh Grant, was caught in his car with a Hollywood hooker. So why is he above Hugh in the rankings you ask? She was a MAN, BABY! Yes, Eddie was caught with a transvestite, which ultimately led to a divorce from his wife. Eddie claimed that he saw him/her on the corner and wanted to help, which his wife replied to by asking "well, why the hell did you let him get into the car?" Good question.

1) Arnold

Arnold went from marrying into American royalty to yamming the woman who cleans his toilets. Now I can somewhat understand if he gave into a moment of passion, looked himself in the mirror, and said "never again with this hippo". Yet, the fact that she ended up pregnant leads me to believe that this was an on-going affair. Yes, one of the most powerful men in the country went back for more with the resident turd-cleaner. Now he is stuck with a child from an unwanted pregnancy: Something that celebrity money can't undo. Kiss your marriage and political aspirations goodbye, Arnold.

Honorable Mention:

Bill Clinton - he went from his bitchy, lesbian-looking wife to some fat intern with sperm stains all over her dress. Worst of all, he got caught and had to go home to Hillary, who surely gave him hell. JFK (RIP) could have taught him a thing or two.

John Edwards - ran his campaign based on his strong integrity and family values. Then was caught fathering a bastard child. Not much of a surprise, considering how politicians and proselytizers are usually the ones doing the worst creeping.

Ray-J - while I'm not sure if he was actually creeping, he did go from the hottest chick in the world (Kim Kardashian) to some washed-up 80's singer (Whitney Houston) who spent the last 15 years smoking crack with this guy.

Funniest Comedians Ever

After discussing comedians with some PTU members for the past hour or so, I decided it was time to post an unofficial list of the best comedians of all-time. Here it goes:

1: Eddie Murphy

Eddie thrived in any environment: from stand-up (Raw and Delirious being the best ever), SNL (Buckwheat, Mr. Robinson's neighborhood, dressing up as a white guy, etc), to carrying some very funny movies (Coming to America and Trading Places being the best). Nowadays he wears fat suits in all his movies and provides the voice for some stupid animated donkey, but we can't forget how great he once was, back when he wore purple and red leather bodysuits. My theory is that all that coke in the 80's turned his brain to mush.

2: Steve Martin

White supremacists love this guy. And although I don't share any bonds with neo-nazis, I do agree that he was one of the funniest comedians I've ever seen. Like Eddie Murphy, he was pretty well-rounded - going from funny SNL skits (which now unfortunately seem very out-dated and corny), to comedy albums, to probably the best movies ever made by a comedian (with the Jerk being the pinnacle). He has become more eccentic as he's gotten older, having worked on bluegrass albums and becoming immersed in the art world.

3: Dave Chapelle

Along with Eddie Murphy, he was clearly one of the best stand-up comedians of all-time. What I like about Chapelle is how he contiued on the lineage of young, black comedians (Prior - Murphy - Chris Rock - Chapelle) while introducing social critiques that weren't found as prominently in his predecessor's work. Good example: His stand-up routine about how he was stuck in a limo in the middle of the ghetto and he began to reevaluate his life. In my opinion, his humor clearly had a depth to it that was lacking from a lot of previous black comedy. Also, to his credit, he carried his own sketch show - which is considered one of the funniest of all-time. (How many other comedians had THEIR OWN show, and had it go on to such success?)

4: Rodney Dangerfield

Dangerfield, aka Rapping Rodney, somehow had a long career based on the simple persona he adopted: as a man we could all relate to; a dude who just didn't get enough respect. Although he was really from Manhasset, the richest neighborhood on Long Island, he did a great job of appealing to the everyman, all the while keeping the appearance of a run-down plumber. One of the best stand-ups ever, he had great lines like: "My mother never truly loved me. We would play Hide-And-Go-Fuck-Yourself". After like 80 years in comedy, his jokes never seemed to get old.

5: Chris Rock

The one criticism I have of Chris Rock is that his work is a bit top-heavy. His stand-up routines were very, very funny, but the rest of his work pales in comparison. For example, has he ever starred in a funny movie? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe he has. Also, he created a pretty horrible TV show in an attempt to tone it down and get into syndication (Compare Everybody Hates Chris to The Chapelle Show and then tell me it was a success). Still, he was incredibly funny as a young comedian and so deserves to be high on this list. Currently he is working on Broadway and has grown some weird facial hair.

Honorable Mentions:

Jim Carrey (dropped off really bad), Woody Allen (one of my personal favorites, but not top-5-great as just a comedian), Richard Pryor (ground-breaking but has been surpassed), George Carlin (good for haters but a bit overrated), Andy Kaufman (scores major points for wrestling women).