There's No Allergies In Baseball; Leave our Peanuts Alone

Opening day is now finally officially here (we won't count last week's games in Japan or last night's game in Rainbow City). Cue up the organ, pour a frosty 11 dollar brew and grab a bag of peanuts and a hot dog and let's play ball! Wait, we can't have peanuts anymore at a baseball game? Thankfully, it hasn't gotten to that point yet but this season the Mets and Yankees will have peanut free sections to protect those poor babies who suffer from allergies to that silent shelled killer. You may have heard about the hundred or so people who have died from peanuts over the years so the NY teams are joining many other sissy major league teams in providing these safe havens. Well, all I can say to that is GROW UP YOU PUSSIES. The song says "buy me some PEANUTS and cracker jacks". It's an accepted part of the tradition of baseball. If you risk a painful death by sitting around someone eating a peanut, first of all, your life really sucks and secondly, stay the hell home and watch the game on YES in your nut free home. Listen to The Civil Wars and drink coconut milk while root root rooting for the home team, you fussy little troll. We're trying to get our peanut on here. Charles Darwin no doubt had the peanut allergy sufferers in mind when he fleshed out his natural selection theory. The fittest will be enjoying a bag of Planters and a Heineken while the allergic waste away in their segregated, pretentious peanut free zone. I hope they die and go to peanut hell, where Mr Peanut pokes you with his cane and forces nutter butters down your throat for eternity. It starts with one roped off section, next the entire stadium will be peanutless, and then where does it all end? No hot dogs for the pork averse? Only soy ice cream served in little helmets? That peanuts guy who works in the bleachers that looks like Pedro Martinez and throws behind the back passes to customers will be out of work. Where does it stop?? Even if you can't eat nuts, grow some and quit complaining.

Anyway, play ball and let's go Yankees! See you at the ballpark.

Are the Knicks the New Mets?

A couple of days ago, our own Hater J admitted that his favorite basketball team, the New York Knicks, are now basically the same as that other orange and blue team from New York, Snoot and M@d $cientist's beloved New York Mets. This sent me into a rage that only 5 or 6 glasses of expensive Scotch could snap me out of. Why would a comparison like this rub me the wrong way to that extent? Aren't the Knicks an insult to Dr. Naismith's creation and don't I spend 90% of my precious time on Earth complaining about how shitty they are? Of course. But are they on par with the Mets? Not even close.

In order to put this idea to rest, let's do a quick comparison of the two down on their luck franchises:

History

Both teams have had 2 championships, at least one other championship series, winning seasons and loads of horrible seasons. The Knicks, however, are one of the original NBA teams and the Mets were a fill in squad for the baseball team that abandoned New York. The Knicks are widely recognized as a flagship franchise of their sport (even though they've been a joke of a team for 10 years), while the Mets are widely ridiculed by everyone in the world.

Advantage: Knicks


Legendary Players

Madison Square Garden's upper level seats are a pretty lousy place to watch a basketball game, but as your mind drifts off to a happy place there's at least one pleasant diversion in the numerous jerseys hanging near the ceiling. The Knicks have retired the jerseys of some of the greatest who ever played such as Willis Reed, Clyde Frazier, Patrick Ewing, Dave Debusschere and Lee Nailon (just kidding). The Mets' legends are coke heads, Tom Seaver and Sam Champion's boyfriend.

Advantage: Knicks



Home Stadium

Even with the Knicks being perennial losers, and the overall mood of their home arena being similar to that of an angry town hall meeting rather than a premiere sporting event, Madison Square Garden is still one of the more prestigious sports venues in the world. While it might no longer live up to it's nickname of "The world's most famous arena",there's still something special about the Garden. The lighting is a little different than any other NBA arena besides Staples Center for Lakers game which adds to the drama, and despite the Knicks' woes opposing players still get up for playing there. Kobe and Jordan made MSG their number one arena for putting up huge ,historic nights simply because it was the "mecca" of basketball. Shea and now Citi Field ,on the other hand, inspire opposing players to do nothing but plan their nights out at Scores the evening before the game. Citi's a little less terrible, but Shea might have had the worst atmosphere in all of sports, from the constant airplanes flying overhead, the ugly orange seats and the crappy over priced food to that stupid God damned apple that pops out of that hat. Citi has upgraded the food but unfortunately the rest of what I just mentioned still remains.

Advantage: Knicks




Fan Base

The two teams fan bases possess a few of the same characteristics: an almost laughable loyalty, ability to routinely get punched in the gut yet come back for more, a sometimes ridiculously optimistic outlook before every season. There are some glaring differences between Knicks and Mets fans though. Go to a Knicks game and you are guaranteed to see three types of people: hot girls, rich people and celebrities. At a Mets game you are guaranteed to see none of those things. The Mets don't even have an iconic bleacher section to call their own like that section of die-hard Yankee fans at the stadium. They have a "picnic area". Lame. The Knicks routinely draw a number of A, B and C list celebs who probably know nothing about basketball along with the actual basketball fans like Spike Lee, Matthew Modine and Leon (ok forget I mentioned Leon). The Mets draw Jerry Seinfeld a few times a year and once a year Lady Gaga terrorizes people in the stands. Most importantly, the mindset of the Knicks and Mets fan (with the exception of the occasional overlapping Mets/Knicks fans) are drastically different. The Mets fan expects to lose, while the Knicks fan usually has the obnoxious ability to always see the bright side just like Yankees and Giants fans. Also, the Knicks are no one's little brother.

Advantage: Knicks


Recent History

We know both teams have histories as losers but this category may be the only one that the Mets have over the Knicks (just ask any Mets fan they'll no doubt tell you). The Knicks have been an embarrassment to the city ever since Patrick Ewing was traded while the Mets have had their ups this century (a world series appearance, a couple of stellar seasons) and downs (blowing seemingly insurmountable division leads, the Madoff scandals) but overall have been a much more successful franchise in the past 10 years, which isn't saying much in comparison to the Knicks but still it's something.

Advantage: Mets


Team Mascots

This one automatically goes to the Knicks since, well, they don't have a mascot (unless you count African American film directors) and the Mets have a guy with a big baseball head. The Knicks also have a dance troupe of super hot girls who come out about once a quarter to shake their asses to Chris Brown songs.

Advantage: Knicks

Front Office

Hoo boy, this is a tough one. It's kind of like comparing syphilis and chlamydia. The Wilpons were the victim of the most famous Ponzi schemer in history, and prior to that made numerous moves to run the franchise into the ground. Our own Snoot has shunned his beloved Mets until these assholes sell the team or die (in no particular order). Jimmy Dolan, on the other hand, not only makes unbelievably awful moves year after year (the list goes on and on) but also has the stench of a spoiled rich kid who was undeservedly gifted reign of the Cablevision empire - and the sports teams that go along with it - and has been rightfully blamed for the Knicks' downfall. Which putrid owner is worse though? What with the Mets mired in debt and Dolan's love affair with Isiah Thomas and his signature move now beginning to look like a mistake, I'll call this one a push. A very, very sad push for New York city.


Prospects for the Future

It looks pretty ugly for both teams looking into the near future. The Mets didn't bother giving their best player a solid offer and have been unloading many of their more promising pieces in a desperate move to get out from under the Madoff curse. The Knicks were looking like they were on an upswing until they started playing basketball games. Now, the Carmelo trade looks like it might have undid any good that was done in the first half of the Amare era. Still, with two superstar players the Knicks are in a slightly better place than the Mets are at this point (but not by very much).

Advantage: Knicks (barely)


As you can see, the Knicks - while undoubtedly a miserable excuse for a basketball franchise of late - dominate their orange and blue counterparts in most categories. The fact of the matter is, though, both fan bases have been like battered spouses for much of the past 50 years. Always promised change, only to be kicked in the stomach every year, but we keep coming back for more. Whichever franchise is shittier, we can all agree on one thing: our team sucks.

So Long, Beltran: A Non-Mets Fan Perspective

The Mets finally traded Carlos Beltran after what seems like months of speculation to the San Francisco Giants. This seems to be a win-win situation for all of the parties involved. Beltran (he of the no trade clause) gets to go to a team that meets every one of the criteria he set up: a first place, national league team that is contending (the world champs no less) with a butt load of pitching. Not to mention he can now have the privilege of hitting in a home run hitters friendly ball park instead of the cavernous Citi Field. The Mets receive a guy who (despite mediocre numbers) is supposedly a can't miss prospect if you ask Hater J and league sources. Supposedly this Wheeler character was the sticking point in the trade, before the Giants eventually relented and threw him at the last minute. Now the Mets can get back to focusing on teasing their fans for the next 2 months. Never quite falling out of the race totally, but never truly having a legitimate chance at the playoffs unless the Braves or Phillies have a collapse like...well, the Mets. The only loser is San Francisco fans who now have to listen to Jon Miller saying "BeltrAN" in that fat, pretentious way of his 162 times a year.

So where does this leave Carlos Beltran's legacy? I heard Gary Apple (or somebody) say that he was the greatest center fielder to ever wear a Mets uniform on the Beer Money channel last night, and I think there can definitely be a case made for that. Most people (especially Mets fans and casual baseball fans) will remember him for what he didn't do, in particular standing there like a jackass with a bat on his shoulder like he was posing for his Topps card while the St. Louis Cardinals danced around him. This is the conundrum we're faced with when discussing Beltran, unfortunately. The people who should be able to give the best opinion of him since they saw the most of him - the die-hard Mets fan - can only remember one thing about him (and it's a shitty thing indeed). To complicate things even further, when trying to place him in his proper place in Mets' history, the die-hard's opinion is clouded by the ghost of 1986. Nothing any Mets player has done in the past 25 years will ever be worth anything to the Mets fan in comparison to that glorious 86 world series team. I guess I can't blame them, since the Mets of the last 25 years have run the gamut from unlikeable losers to epic choke artists. Still, it shouldn't take away from Beltran's legacy as possibly the greatest center fielder in orange and blue history. In baseball, more than any other sport, an individual shouldn't be judged by team success alone, especially a position player. There are too many variables that factor into a team winning or losing to lump it all on one guy's shoulders. And the other center fielders in Mets history don't really stack up. Mookie may be a fan favorite and will forever be remembered fondly for being on the other side of that Buckner screw-up, but besides stolen bases, he's dominated by Carlos. Even with the injuries, Beltran stays near the top in every power category over the past 4 years. Any season in which he played at least 100 games, he was a dominant force. Willie Mays was, of course, great, but was an aging shell of himself by the time he arrived at Shea. Mookie's partner who split time in center with him, Lenny "Nails" Dykstra was a tough sumbitch, but is no all time great (and is now a huge dirtbag) even if he was a part of the mythical '86 team. So, even with the litany of injuries and occasional choke moments, let's be fair and respect Carlos Beltran as one of the all time great Mets. Take it from a Yankee fan.

The Mets Need to Stop With The Claw

I've written at length about the merits of celebration moves in this space before, and it's a well known fact that this is the true heart of American sports. Leave all that sportsmanship and stoic victory celebration clap trap for Bob Costas and his moralizing middle-aged white men. We want to see those monkeys dance! However, a celebration lacking originality is worse than any boring old wave to the crowd or cliched fist pump that looks best in slow motion with "One Shining Moment" played behind it. That's the problem that the Mets have this season, and it is without question the absolute biggest issue that the Mets have faced in 2011. How to celebrate those Reyes triples and big-time comeback victories? If you're this incarnation of the Metropolitans you just rip off whatever last season's plucky Cinderella team that just don't quit did; in this case the Texas Rangers' "claw" move.

I know the claw wasn't invented by those Rangers either; it's roots are long and historic beginning where most great ripped off victory moves do: professional wrestling. Mick "Mankind" Foley and giant The Big Show did a variation of their claw move as an actual wrestling move, and then also as a celebration and signature hand signal for Big Show and all his fans. Jim Carrey also famously did a claw to amuse his fruity looking annoying son who he ignored for most of the movie in "Liar Liar", a film best known for Jennifer Tilly's cleavage and maybe Carrey's last good comedic performance (maybe). Some theories point to Miguel Tejada as the first beisbol player to flash the claw during game action though, first debuting it during the World Baseball Classic for the Dominican team. This seems plausible as anyone in Brooklyn can tell you, Dominicans love wrestling. However, most mainstream celebration enthusiasts didn't really have it on their radars until Texas started to do it (along with those goofy antlers) during their Yankee killing run through the playoffs last season.

Whoever started it, it wasn't these never-say-die Mets. So I think they should come up with a move of their own, like a M for Mets or an M for Madoff followed by a throat slitting motion (screw you, Bernie). Whatever they choose, they should all put their heads together and come up with something cool soon or they've lost this Yankee fan forever.

Someone In the Mets Organization Makes Sense for Once

I don't know what's more surprising, that someone involved with the Mets finally said some things that made sense for a change, that the person who said them was Fred Wilpon or that there is a seeming public outcry (at least among many Mets fans) over these fairly innocent and very accurate words.

The offending comments were made during an uncharacteristically candid moment for the beleaguered Mets owner in a recent New Yorker article. Sitting in his luxury suite watching his awful creation piss away another game, Wilpon was understandably critical of the team he put together (the article was written early in the season when the Mets were almost unwatchable). What were these hideous insults that have Mets nation all up in arms?

1) David Wright is a good player but not a superstar
2) Jose Reyes is a dissapointment and wants (and will get somewhere else) "Carl Crawford" bread
3) The Mets over reacted to Carlos Beltran's ridiculous playoffs with the Astros by signing him for 20 years and a billion dollars.
4) The sky is blue.

He didn't actually come out and say that last one, but it's just as much of a truism as those other 3 statements. I suppose a lot of the Metropolitans' supporters are taking issue not just with what was said (even a Mets fan has some sense) but the fact that it was their usually quiet, clueless owner saying it to a magazine from the comfort of his luxury sky box instead of directly to the players or something like that. This is, of course, silly. The fact that Wilpon recognizes that this is a flawed team and is acknowledging it to anyone is a sign of things maybe moving in the right direction. At least he's not stubbornly holding onto the beliefs that every move the team he owns makes is a great one like some other idiot owners in New York. And while we're on the subject of New York owners, George Steinbrenner has practically achieved Saint hood for firing up his troops with remarks like these.

One of the arguments I've heard Mets fans (as well as Michael Kay and other impartial idiots) make as to why they're upset with this is that it will somehow
mess up the suddenly glorious team chemistry or offend the sensitive players who were criticized, as if a .500 team that hasn't won a playoff game in 5 years is some kind of fragile dynasty, that if disturbed might unravel. As Mets expert Snoot has been saying for some time, the worst possible thing that could happen to his beloved team is a false sense of security as the result of a mediocre season (kind of like the Knicks had in the early Isiah years) that would prevent the team from doing what it needs most: complete destruction and rebuilding. So, Mets fans, get a grip;Wilpon speaking up and admitting that the Mets suck might be a sign that he's catching on too.

Why I Hate The Mets 2011 Season

I've been a Mets fan since the minute I started watching baseball. I guess it was easy in the beginning since I started watching around 1985. Back in those days the Yanks were suffering through some of the worst years of the franchise and the Mets were winning with a bunch of crazy drunks. The raw talent of a pitcher like Dwight Gooden was amazing, at least until the DWI's and the crack. It is sad to think that the Gooden may be the last great homegrown Mets pitcher.

I was out this weekend and a Yankee fan straight up asked me "Why are you a Mets fan?" I was able to come up with an answer but it took me five minutes to rationalize this decision. This year I'm fed up. I'm not going to give up on my team but I'm going to declare they have officially burned up all my patience. Now today we hear that Chris Young, who has been perhaps the best starting pitcher they have had so far this season, re-injured his shoulder and is likely out for the season. This comes right on the back of the news that their best pitching prospect, Jenry Mejia, needs Tommy John Surgery. What the hell is wrong with the Mets medical and training staff? This is not an isolated incident, the Mets players routinely fall apart (I'm looking at you Mr. Reyes).

This is all indicative of what is sure to be a long and torturous season where I have to listen to Yankee fans complain about Derek Jeter only hitting .275 and how Rafael Soriano is a terrible set-up man while they waltz into the post season. METS PLEASE WAKE UP AND GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!

A Mets Fan Appeal To The Wilpons: SELL THE TEAM!

Even if we don't like to admit it to Yankees fans, Mets fans have it tough in this town. We might try to be optimistic, and about every 25 years or so something good happens, but most of the time  we suffer. This fact seems to be lost upon the Wilpon family, who have now demonstrated that not only don't they know how to run a baseball club, they also make some pretty bad business decisions. How else do you explain a major market baseball team ranked #5 in franchise value posting a reported net loss of $50M in 2010. Revenue was reportedly down $60M dollars last year, and not surprisingly 2011 attendance is expected to be significantly lower as the team continues to play like crap. This is all after a new stadium was built only two years ago. If you ask me, the stadium is the best thing about being a Mets fan in 2011.

For anyone who wants to read a detailed account of how the Wilpons have made us suffer, you can find that here on the Mets fan blog "Faith and Fear in Flushing". 

We have suffered for too long. The Mets are not run the way a NY baseball organization should be run. They don't focus on baseball fundamentals, they treat the fans like idiots, and they expose the team to potential financial ruin by investing with the likes of Madoff. They leave us to defend ourselves against Yankee fans while offering no real hope of building a solid team. They are a classless organization, firing Willie Randolph over the phone shortly after taking the Mets to the NLCS. 

Here is my goal for the season. Mets fans, here is my appeal to you. Please boycott this team. Drive them out of business. Make them lose money. The only winning season we can have in 2011 is the Wilpons selling the team to someone who knows what they are doing and wants to bring a winner to NL baseball in NYC. 

Will The Mets Ever Throw a No Hitter?

One-time Met Philip Humber brought a no-hitter into the 7th inning last night against the Yankees, continuing the Yanks perennial issues with pitchers they've never seen before, as well as leading to some discussion on the YES broadcast (and amongst me and M@d Scientist) about one of the saddest droughts in sports: the Mets having never thrown a no-hitter in their history. Never. Not once, not an asterisked one that was ended with a bad call, or a half-assed 5 walk, two wild pitch run scoring no-hitter, or a combined team no-hitter like the Astros put on the Yanks a few years back. Nothing. Every team that they have played in their fairly long (not so storied) history has gotten at least one hit against the Metropolitans.

Of course, no-hitters are by no means a common occurrence, according to Odds maker.com the odds of pitching a no-hitter at the major league level is 1 in 775 or roughly the same odds as Alabama State winning the NCAA title next season. This hasn't stopped every other franchise in Major League Baseball from having at least one no-hitter in the books besides the San Diego Padres and our New York Mets. That's 49 years and 15 days without one, or a little younger than Julio Franco. While it is still a rare feat, the Diamondbacks, Marlins and Rays have all managed at least one despite only being around since the 90s. What makes this all the more frustrating for the already frustrated Mets fans is the great number of pitchers who have gone on to baseball immortality with other teams, (6 to be exact) and one of the players they traded away managed to throw 7 himself, each one like another punch to the gut of hapless Mets fans. And a Nolan Ryan punch does not feel good, ask Robin Ventura.

To make matters even worse, the hated Yankees seem to throw No nos every couple of years, and a couple of times they involved(of course) guys who used to star for the Mets in David Cone and Doc Gooden. Other times, the Yankees have had fat, reportedly hung over pitchers throw no-hitters, and just to really rub it in their Queens' neighbors faces, a guy with one arm tossed a no-hitter. Ho hum.

So why can't the Mets get their moment to hoist one of their own on their shoulders? They've certainly had some great arms in their history, and 10 Mets pitched no-hitters for their previous clubs. Some might call it the curse of Nolan Ryan, but much like a lot of Mets history, part of their problems stem from the fact that they can't seem to get out of their own way. While it's always a dilemma for a manager to keep a pitcher in the game who's on the brink of history (particularly in this era of strict pitch counts) the Mets have pulled a pitcher mid no-hitter 14 times in their history. They've also come oh so close 9 times, the most recent by Will Ferrell look alike R.A. Dickey, and most famously by Pedro Martinez in the bottom of the ninth (a game they would eventually lose). So, the Mets are not only not able to close the deal but even when they flirt with going all the way they cock block themselves (sorry Snoot and M@d).

Will the New York Mets ever get their names off the extremely exclusive never thrown a no hitters list? It's bound to happen eventually, but knowing Mets history they will most likely throw a no-hitter on the first day that instant replay is implemented to review balls and strikes and have it overturned or something. One thing's for sure, whatever manager even thinks about pulling out a pitcher who's close to a no-no will be booed off the field. It'll happen, Mets fans, be patient.

Thanks to Mets fan (and possible closet Yankee fan) M@d Scientist for a lot of the no-hitter and Mets research.

We'll Miss You, Luis Castillo

The Mets got a little closer to solving their second baseman problem by eliminating our old friend Luis Castillo from the conversation. He will always be remembered fondly by at least half of New York.

Whats wrong with the Mets?

There is a saying, "your only as strong as your weakest link", the problem with the Mets is the weakest link seems to be in the front office which in sports is one of the most difficult things to change. If you have a bad owner and bad operation management these things can kill your ball club for years, and they have in the case of the Mets. If ownership can't protect the dollars in their pockets, how can they protect the product on the field? This seems like one of those cases where an extreme new start needs to happen. Fred Wilpon and his Sterling Equities partners need to get out of the baseball game or take a such a limited role that only Baseball Geniuses are calling the shots. I grew up watching these Mets and the current state of affairs makes me want to erase those childhood memories and just be done with baseball all together. Dear Baseball Gods, please allow the Mets to put a product on the field that I can once again be proud of and not wish I never discovered who Mackey Sasser, Kevin McReynolds, and Ron Darling were.