9/11 Conspiracy Theorists Are Insane

Today is as close to a national day of mourning that we have in this country. It's been 11 years since the attacks on 9/11 but it's still somewhat fresh in the minds of many Americans, particularly those of us who lived in or near New York at the time. Of course, with time the impact of these attacks begins to lessen, and America's other national past time takes over: Wack a doo conspiracy theories. To be fair, a lot of these nutjobs were throwing around conspiracies since the day it all went down. Things have only gotten crazier though, especially since the kookie messages previously only transmitted to the true believers through decoded messages in their X-Box headsets, have now become if not widely accepted, at least tolerated by a small portion of society. I'd say the majority of rappers probably believe that 9/11 was an inside job ("Why did Bush knock down the towers") as do about 80% of CUNY professors. These people even have a name: Truthers! See, they're the yang to the "birther" movement's yin because as we all know, radical zealots on both sides need cute names to make themselves feel like they matter to anyone besides their world of warcraft team members or PCP dealers. And like any group of fringe lunatics they have a Bible of sorts, in the Truthers' case it's the low budget film Loose Change, a delightful romp that details how the US government didn't just mishandle the knowledge of the terrorist attacks in 2001, or even allow them to happen. No, that would be almost believable in a paranoid, delusional sort of way. These films go into great detail to prove that the U.S. government, spearheaded by those evil geniuses George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, blew the damn buildings up themselves. That whole plane flying into the building thing you might've seen? Hollywood level flim flam effects, all orchestrated by the US government so they could start a war in the name of oil. A little far fetched? Don't tell a truther that, or feel the wrath of their highly advanced brains, able to recite bullshit they read off a Wordpress site like it's actually not laughably stupid. If you do encounter one of these deep thinkers, wish them well and back off. There's that old saying about not arguing with a fool because from a distance you can't tell who is who, and that definitely applies here. Also, they're liable to stab you in the face with a screwdriver. Never forget that these people are idiots who you are much, much better than.

Nicki Minaj Is Not Voting For Romney so Shut Up

Motown Marxist's math student, Nicki Minaj recently caused a little bit of controversy with a line she rapped on Lil Wayne's underwhelming Dedication 4 mixtape that was released on Labor Day. Nicki rapped "I'm a republican voting for Mitt Romney, you lazy bitches are ruining the economy". This is a fairly benign line, especially when compared to the rest of the mixtape that (as usual) deals with pussy, guns, and more pussy (Wayne raps about pussy a LOT. Me thinks the man who has kissed men on tape and spent most of his late 20s in prison doth protest too much). It's actually a smarter line than you might think at first glance. As a punchline of sorts, it at least assumes that the listener knows a) lazy people are a danger to an economy's well-being and b) Romney is the alleged economy candidate. Doesn't seem like much to get worked up over. But apparently, hip hop fans are dumber than you thought. A lot of people lost their shit over this, and numerous media outlets (including the New York Daily News) reported Nicki's endorsement of Romney as if she held a press conference and formally announced her support like she's an ex-President or something. There's so much that is stupid about this I don't know where to start, but how about....

it's a rap song you idiots???? Do you believe everything you hear a rapper say in song as gospel? Next week's breaking story will be that Pablo Escobar owes Rick Ross a hundred favors. Cam'Ron has a cocaine buffet in his house and a fountain that sprays out Mountain Dew. DMX kills people and then has sex with their bodies. Eminem not only murdered his ex-wife, he also killed her new husband and son, as well as murdered Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Dakota Fanning. Obama might think twice about telling every young voter who will listen that he loves Jay-z because he might not know that Jay admitted to about 374 murders and robberies in his lyrics. Drake sits at home and cries because his girlfriend forgot his birthday, oh wait, that one's true. I know it's a stretch to think that the majority of people who listen to nicki Minaj might understand things like metaphor or poetic license, but a rapper comparing themselves to Republicans is nothing new (Jay-z and Nas, two guys you would never confuse for right wingers, had a song together called Black Republicans), and it's a very standard slick way of saying "I'm rich, and you bitches aren't" which most fans of Nicki should know is her m.o. (I'm not even a fan, and have probably heard less than 15 verses by her in my life yet am well aware of this). This doesn't even factor into account that Miss Minaj was born in Trinidad and might not even be a registered voter or American citizen.

Even if she were voting for Romney, though, who cares? Aside from free speech and all that, would it really make a difference in the election? Despite her massive Twitter following and "barbies" who do everything she says, I doubt Nicki Minaj fans will be moved to vote for Romney just because of one throwaway line on a mixtape. The idea that this makes her a bad influence is also ridiculous. After all, she starts that same verse with "Drop it to the floor, make that dick shake" which isn't a tremendously positive role model for children. She also has rapped in the past about "eating people's brains". I am not absolutely positive of her position on brain eating, but again who actually listens to lyrics anyway?